what would you make of this?

amother

Bisque

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 5:57 pm

I am having a hard time at the moment (like the rest of us) and thinking a lot about how great it would be to die. Sounds pretty morbid I know, but I'm not 'suicidal' or anything. It's just a form of escapism. Anyway earlier today I was in an emotionally difficult very stressful interaction and I was just thinking "I wish I could just die, I wish I could just die" and then my heart started beating really really fast. And I thought "hey. Great! I am actually just going to drop dead". No panic, just thank you God that soon it's all over. I sat quietly and said shema, all the while my heart absolutely racing real hard and way too strong in my body. But then it stopped, and (I don't want to say unfortunately but that's how I felt at the time) I am still here. From a hashkafic perspective, what do you make of this?

Boca00

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:08 pm

I think it means you were involved in an emotionally difficult, very stressful interaction. Period. Similar to the expression, "I wished the ground would swallow me alive".

Unless you find yourself depressed or suicidal, I wouldn't over think this. But I would try to find a healthier form of escapism, like guided imagery.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:10 pm

I really don't haskafa here at all. If this is wishful thinking and you say it's related to stress. Maybe you need to destress. Think of what's bothering you. Try to strengthen yourself.

Hugs to you for all the stress. It must be so difficult.

I have been in similar place. It will pass. There are tough times and better times.

There's an old Yiddish saying. " der eibishter shlooget nisht mit ale shtekenes" I used hear my mother say it.

G-d doesn't hit you with all his sticks. So to speak. He has rachmanus and doesn't give u all nisyonos at once.

Maybe you need to just express your pain to someone

Or journaling

And excercize. All of this doesn't take away the pain, but helps you deal with it in prospective.

Hatzlacha to get out of this. We're here for you. Chazak veematz

amother

Bisque

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:21 pm

Thanks for the replies. I see no way out of the stress at all. There will always be stressors in the world that's the way God runs the world.

I just found it interesting that as soon as it became physical, emotionally I felt so much better. It maybe it was because I was calming down my emotions that the feelings turned physical. It was much less painful for me when it was physical.

amother

Puce

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:21 pm

To me, it doesn't sound like a healthy way of thinking at all. Even if you're not suicidal, hating your life so much that you wish to die is disturbing. I'm sorry you're in so much pain! Maybe you should consider making a change, like going to therapy.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:24 pm

yogabird wrote:

Panic attack.

Really? That's an interesting way to look at it. I didn't feel "panicked". I felt fed up. The pulse thing was real and measurable and quite painful but nit as painful as the emotional feeling. I felt very calm when my pulse was racing.

yogabird

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:26 pm

Panic attacks come with measurable physiological symptoms. Heart racing and thinking you're gonna die are classic signs. They're actually biological phenomena that can be triggered by anxiety.

penguin

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:31 pm

Quote:

It was much less painful for me when it was physical.

This is Dr. Sarno in a nutshell. I suggest you look for one of his books on ebay.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 6:32 pm

yogabird wrote:

Panic attacks come with measurable physiological symptoms. Heart racing and thinking you're gonna die are classic signs. They're actually biological phenomena that can be triggered by anxiety.

But I didn't feel anxious. The physical symptoms were "pleasant" in comparison to what was happening before.

What do you do for this? Because I would rather have the physical symptoms than the emotional ones.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 7:05 pm

I just did a bit of a Google search. The thing is if the abishter is going to hit me with some (but not every stick) ( to borrow from a previous poster) I think that id rather have physical than emotional pain. So is there any point in the Sarno method?

shiaeisen

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 9:52 pm

Boca00

“Unless you find yourself depressed or suicidal, I wouldn't over think this.”

UNLESS she’s depressed? It seems certain she’s depressed and if she’s having any thought of wanting to die c”v she must seek therapy.

amother

Jade

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 10:46 pm

amother wrote:

You can learn to deal with the emotional pain in an effective way so that your body will not have to resort to physical pain. With the help of a good therapist.

amother

Jade

Wed, Feb 07 2018, 10:47 pm

shiaeisen wrote:

Very true and very important point. OP, it sounds like you are dealing with an abnormal level of emotional angst. Please get yourself proper support.

amother

Peach

Thu, Feb 08 2018, 5:32 am

OP, this is a symptom of depression. Thoughts about death and wanting to die are not healthy at all. Why struggle when there is help available?
I hope you feel better soon!