The cleaning angel and the dysfunctional princess

amother

Rose

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 2:52 am

Getting your children trained and learning to do nightly chores is a seperate discussion.
11 hours is not much. Ppl around my poor neighborhood all have much more.
As a tip it's good to have 2 different cleaning woman. This way when one is out you'll have someone even if it isn't enough...
Where in the torah does it say you need to love to clean?! I also feel like a slave. I raise my children and I cook for them...most of the time. I don't believe woman w small children should be cleaning. It's very resentful work cuz it's veeeery repetitive

amother

Gold

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 4:35 am

11 hours sounds like a huge amount!! My husband and I both work full time and somehow we manage on 3 hours of help a week and I'm really not organised by nature but I hate sticky mess. We have a large apartment and the cleaning lady won't iron, she often doesn't have the time to clean the whole place so I have a list of rules I keep to help me on a day to day basis. (My husband finishes work 3 hours after I do so I'm home alone to do baths, supper and beds). Luckily for Me, since they get up at 6, my kids are almost always asleep at 6.30. Latest 7.

♡ I prepare a large soup once a week and freeze in portions so that the freezer always has a variety of soups which I defrost in the morning.

♡ whatever is for supper will be prepped the night before, so chicken for example will be washed, seasons, veggies peeled and chopped in the fridge, ready to go straight in the oven when we arrive home.

♡ I won't go to bed until dishes are done and laundry is folded and put away.

♡ I leave the house CLEAN so that when we come home I don't have extra work. So my morning routine consists of a quick tidy up once we are ready to leave, food removed from freezer and sometimes some freshly dried laundry is folded.

♡ children's clothing are ready for the next day so we don't spend extra time deciding what to wear.

♡ after school, playing happens only in 1 room so that the whole apartment doesn't fall apart. My children are slowly learning that when 1 activity is done, they have to tidy it before the next one is out.

♡ I refuse to bribe my kids to clean. For the age they are at I ALWAYS clean with them and pretend it is fun. If they refuse to join, too bad, they miss out in the fun (singing etc). No candies from this mom or I'd have hyperactive kids for the rest if the day.

♡ and finally, before I put my feet up when the kids are asleep, I do all necessary chores first so that I don't become too tired. I'm lucky my husband normally (not always) arrives home at this time so the chores are done together.

Without my above rules, I don't think I'd get through the week.

Hope this helps.

amother

Rose

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 5:50 am

amother wrote:

Why SHOULD this help?! She doesn't want to be doing all the things you do! I'm glad 3 hours works for you and you're clearly managing by applying your tremendous talents orginizational talents and energy. Please dnt expect the same from others. Some ppl are low energy and it's ok. I need a nap after working out. There is nothing wrong w that. I eat and sleep well but can't handle as much physical. Op may not either. And if she resents it its def a bad idea

amother

Maroon

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:07 am

amother wrote:

I'm so glad you said this! I'm a low energy person as well, so it doesn't matter how organized I get, the energy is just not there! (And ironically, I happen to be a super organized person by nature, but my house doesn't reflect that). I'm surrounded by high energy people who JUST DON'T GET IT, so it's so nice to get this validation!

octopus

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:13 am

amother wrote:

I'm getting exhausted just reading this.
Op, I love your thread title.

amother

Pumpkin

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:18 am

amother wrote:

Same here! I always thought it was abnormal how tired I am all the time. I’m like this my whole life. I’m yawning in half my baby pictures. I would come home from school and immediately conk out on the couch. Sometimes fall asleep in class. No health issues, I just don’t have energy! Now that I have a family and house to take care of, forget it, I’m in way over my head. It’s hard to be a low-energy person in a high-energy world.

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:28 am

You are halfway there! You’ve defined the problem. You are a dysfunctional princess and house is a chaotic mess which makes you feel terrible. But the other half is that you have a whole story about why you don’t want to change. So if all of us ladies give you sympathy, about how impossible it is to create some order, it just gives you support for why you don’t need to change. And if all us ladies give you cleaning tips or list the importance of changing for you and your family, you have already figured out an argument why it won’t work.
To go the other halfway, you need to decide, really decide to change. You need to focus on the reasons you need to change. If you do that, the solutions will flow.

amother

Teal

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:33 am

op consider yourself blessed just like anyone here who gets cleaning help. I cant get it. I dont afford it and dh hates spending money on it. so every thursday and friday I become a nervous, panic, angry whatever word you wanna say I become.

then dh doesnt usually work on friday. so we do a quick cleannup before the kids come home. and its good to go for a couple days. and I dont do alot of cleanup during the week.

I am not an organized person by nature. I am very cool. but when it gets too messy and I cant cope I sound like you. and I helped my mother alot when I was a girl at home. I just cant cope with household tasks. its not my strong part of my character. I am better at other things.

and I sometimes wish I was organized and better at it. and actually fight it. maybe op your post is gonna inspire me. ok now I go. to clean clean clean clean. and get this under control....

amother

Teal

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:36 am

amother wrote:

your a genius. and I love that we can say the truth anonymously. cause even if the truth hurts it can awaken op to do the right thing. and yes you can describe me here too. I look for excuses. and if I want to change I will find ways to. thanks so much for the introspection.

amother

Rose

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 6:36 am

U know my special talent? How to do less work without anyone being affected! So Op and all other non superwoman....here are MY tips!
Learn to utilize your cleaning help to the max! Mine peels and cuts all my veggies(for soups, kugels...etc) making shabbos cooking and salad making a breeze and doesn't waste my energy standing on my feet.
I buy extra clean chicken for a bit more so I only rinse and bake.
Grocery delivery only!!! So u dnt get it all perfect?!consider it your zecher lechorban and adapt!!
Want to be fancy?!(ill do this once a yr b4 yt) Have the cleaning lady chop tons of onions put in disposable pan w some oil bake covered for couple of hours and presto!sauteed onions on demand! I freeze small baggies of them and pull out when needed.
I have more tips but cant think right now...
I need another cup of coffee w cookies

amother

Seashell

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 7:10 am

amother wrote:

Something here sounds so unrealistic to me. (As in, I envy you. Not that I don't believe you.)

How old are your kids? What are their personalities?

You are really lucky that your kids go to sleep that early... my oldest (6) has always had sleeping issues, the earliest we've ever started adult-only evening time around here is about 8:30 if we're lucky.

Also, I wonder if in the case working all day means less cleaning help needed? Unless your kids are home without you.

asmileaday

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 7:25 am

amother wrote:

Lol gotta love this post!

I grew up doing a lot around the house- dishes, laundry, cooking, bathing the younger kids etc...
It didn't help! I still hate housework, it didn't become part of my nature and love the twice a week cleaning help I have.
Op you are not alone.

amother

Rose

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 7:36 am

asmileaday wrote:

Dishes...
I forgot they even exist!!! Papergoods only!! Learn where they have them cheap. And stock up!
I never wash dishes. Soup pot and salad bowl and few utensils I leave for cleaning woman and I use a crock pot bag for cholent.
Not to say I dnt wish I could use my beautiful dusty dishes but I dnt dwell on it!

nylon

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 9:30 am

I don't have cleaning help and never have. One of my kids has special needs and a lot of sensory issues. I don't like to clean.

But I do it because it has to be done. Is my house spotless? No. My mother kept a spotless house with no help and she doesn't understand why I am happy with clean enough.

Not everything in life can be avoided because you don't like it. If I won the Powerball I'd never scrub another toilet.

you need to be able to organize your own house. Make a list. Break it down into parts. You can't just go scrub a house top to bottom. So yesterday I cleaned up my dining room for Shabbat, did laundry, changed everyone's sheets. Today I am cooking for Shabbat, while that is going I will tidy up and mop the family room, then I will wipe up the kitchen from the cooking before Shabbat starts. On Sunday I do some cleaning where I need help or need DH to keep the kids occupied.

fbmommy

Fri, Feb 09 2018, 10:18 am

The easiest way to keep the house clean, with our without cleaning help is to identify the key areas that need to be clear (notice clear, not clean). This can be done in a few minutes every night, and keeps the house functioning. For example, I use Lysol wipes in bathroom to wipe down sink and toilet seat every night-its one minute, and it means the bathroom is bearable the next day. I clear the kitchen counters and clean the floor. This way, the next morning its usable, even if there are dishes or the floor needs to be washed. The other thing I do every night is clear the front hallway, put away shoes, coats, toys and sweep so that the next morning its easy to get out (were in an apartment). So this 10-15 min routine is not hard, as its straightening up, but ensures that house is functional. See what you need to do-clear table, make beds, collect laundry etc that keeps house functional even if its not sparkling.

Mommyg8

Sat, Feb 10 2018, 5:20 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

I guess I was raised with different values. My parents taught that even if you have the means an adult should know how to take care of things, at least the basics.

I think you should ask your cleaning lady to show you how to do the basics, as well as your children. Most people don’t love cleaning, but it’s not hard and if you put on music it goes quickly.

Even if you have a lot of cleaning help, there is still a lot that has to be done.

As for going quickly - that depends on so many factors that I don't think that's an absolute statement. If you have a larger house, or more stuff, or more kids, or more LITTLE kids, or you're pregnant, or, let's face it, you can have some REALLY sloppy family members - then it doesn't go quick at all.

My luck, most of my friends DO love to clean. I like to clean too - like you know, once a week or so....

amother

Mint

Sun, Feb 11 2018, 12:32 am

"Why SHOULD this help?! She doesn't want to be doing all the things you do! I'm glad 3 hours works for you and you're clearly managing by applying your tremendous talents orginizational talents and energy. Please dnt expect the same from others. Some ppl are low energy and it's ok. I need a nap after working out. There is nothing wrong w that. I eat and sleep well but can't handle as much physical. Op may not either. And if she resents it its def a bad idea"

OP labels herself a "dysfunctional princess". IMO that indicates wishing she could be different.
I think some good tips were posted. I'm a low energy person myself but I've realized that the less I do, the less energy I have. Energy is not like money. With energy, the less you spend, the less you have and the more you spend, the more you have.
If by some miracle you manage to sleep-in and wake up 10 or 11or 12am, you don't jump out of bed fully energized, you feel groggy and ready for more sleep. Of course it's important to try and get the recommended 7-8 hours and many of us don't manage that, but more sleep doesn't translate into more energy.
This does not mean that you should go into a whirlwind and clean your house from top to bottom, very few are capable of that- but short bursts of activity and cleaning and straightening will do wonders for your house, your energy levels and yes, even your self-esteem. When you feel you're not coping, patting yourself on the back and saying it's ok, "I have low energy levels," does not solve any of those problems and feelings. BTDT and I'm in a much better place now.