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Guest uses a ton of perfume - WWYD?
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amother




Blonde


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 4:08 pm
We have guests staying with us for a few days, one is an older woman who uses a LOT of perfume. My husband and I both aren't crazy about artificial scents, and we can't stand the smell. It hits me as soon as I walk through the door, even when she's not there. I guess she just sprayed on a ton and the smell lingers. It's permeating the whole house and driving us crazy.
But... I'm not going to comment on the personal hygiene of a woman twice my age.
What should I do?

They're leaving tonight, so I'm probably just going to let it go this time, but now I'm worried it will happen again. We host a lot, and we do it with pleasure. But this just ruined the experience for all of us Sad
Any thoughts on how to deal with this in the future?
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Squishy









  


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 4:56 pm
Tell her that you love having her, but the perfume is an irritant to you.

Even if she refrains from using perfume during her visit, the problem when people use that much perfume is that it sticks to sweaters and other clothing.

I told my mil that I am allergic to perfume, and she refrains from wearing it, but sometimes it just lingers on her. Last visit I couldn't go near her because I am highly allergic, and she got insulted. I figured it was on her sweater and teichal.
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amother




Wheat


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 6:15 pm
Open windows?
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FranticFrummie









  


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 6:19 pm
I am really sensitive to artificial smells. They are a migraine trigger for me. I just tell the truth. If someone really cares about me, they will respect my health issues and not take it personally.

I was at a friend's house for Shabbos lunch, and they invited another guest who was wearing a ton of perfume. Within 5 minutes I was miserable. I know this woman really needed the invite, so I excused myself with a headache and went home to have a sandwich. No offense was taken on either side.

I have a friend who is desperately allergic to cats. I have a cat who lays on me all day long. Before her I go to her house I make sure to put on freshly laundered clothes. She says she's OK with taking a Claritin, but why would I do that to her when the solution is so easy?
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amother




Babypink


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 6:46 pm
I have the same issue but the guest is my mother in law.
We love her and are so grateful to her that we just try to ignore it.
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amother




Azure


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 6:46 pm
I'm not allergic to perfume and enjoy using a good smelling perfume . My mom loves getting free stuff from stores and last time she came to me her perfume seriously made me vomit . I felt like I'm choking . Didn't tell her a thing cos didn't wanna insult her .
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amother




Mustard


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 6:49 pm
When a potential guest asks about staying at your home you can say, "I have developed an allergy to perfumes and colognes, so we ask all our guest to refrain from using perfume when they stay with us. Would that be a hardship for you?"
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amother




Blonde


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 10:16 pm
Thanks for the support ladies, glad to know it's not something to intrusive to request.
And I guess I should be thankful it's not my MIL Very Happy
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amother




cornflower


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 11:50 pm
amother wrote:
We have guests staying with us for a few days, one is an older woman who uses a LOT of perfume. My husband and I both aren't crazy about artificial scents, and we can't stand the smell. It hits me as soon as I walk through the door, even when she's not there. I guess she just sprayed on a ton and the smell lingers. It's permeating the whole house and driving us crazy.
But... I'm not going to comment on the personal hygiene of a woman twice my age.
What should I do?

They're leaving tonight, so I'm probably just going to let it go this time, but now I'm worried it will happen again. We host a lot, and we do it with pleasure. But this just ruined the experience for all of us Sad
Any thoughts on how to deal with this in the future?


I know what you mean. been having this issue here for months and don't know how to go about it either. in our case its my babys nurses (who has a trach- so it can really irritate her lungs) anyway, spoke to agency couple of times about it but some don't listen and some I guess don't get the message (especially new or those filling in temporary) it drives me so crazy so I totally relate to you op. its like being driven out of your own home (don't even have where to hide from the smell in our tiny apt)
lol about personal hygiene... never mind, don't wanna derail your post here... just sharing this part from our experience. and sorry ;( no advice.
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Squishy









  


Post  Mon, Feb 12 2018, 11:59 pm
amother wrote:
I know what you mean. been having this issue here for months and don't know how to go about it either. in our case its my babys nurses (who has a trach- so it can really irritate her lungs) anyway, spoke to agency couple of times about it but some don't listen and some I guess don't get the message (especially new or those filling in temporary) it drives me so crazy so I totally relate to you op. its like being driven out of your own home (don't even have where to hide from the smell in our tiny apt)
lol about personal hygiene... never mind, don't wanna derail your post here... just sharing this part from our experience. and sorry ;( no advice.


I have those issue with cleaning ladies. I tell them they can't work with perfume. I get them promising me they aren't wearing any. I promise you they are. It doesn't happen twice. I make the cleaning ladies wash off the perfume they promise they aren't wearing. Obviously, the nurses are not as easy to boss around because they are taking care of your precious baby.

Can you get your doctor to write directions on this specific issue. I would document every time this happens and report it.

Refuah Shelima for your baby.
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amother




Mustard


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 12:14 am
amother wrote:
I know what you mean. been having this issue here for months and don't know how to go about it either. in our case its my babys nurses (who has a trach- so it can really irritate her lungs) anyway, spoke to agency couple of times about it but some don't listen and some I guess don't get the message (especially new or those filling in temporary) it drives me so crazy so I totally relate to you op. its like being driven out of your own home (don't even have where to hide from the smell in our tiny apt)
lol about personal hygiene... never mind, don't wanna derail your post here... just sharing this part from our experience. and sorry ;( no advice.


I have respiratory issues and when a nurse comes with fragrance (fragrance they are not wearing), I do not allow them into the home. I usually text or call the night before, to remind them of the fragrance free requirement. If for whatever reason the don't comply, they don't enter my home.

Please be your baby's voice. The fragrance is soooooo irritating Sad
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Squishy









  


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 12:37 am
amother wrote:
I have respiratory issues and when a nurse comes with fragrance (fragrance they are not wearing), I do not allow them into the home. I usually text or call the night before, to remind them of the fragrance free requirement. If for whatever reason the don't comply, they don't enter my home.

Please be your baby's voice. The fragrance is soooooo irritating Sad


Cornflower,

Can you also send the nurses away if they don't comply? Or is it necessary they are there at a specific time for their tasks?

It really seems like written documentation is one path towards a solution, so they stop endangering your baby.
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amother




cornflower


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 12:50 am
Squishy wrote:
Cornflower,

Can you also send the nurses away if they don't comply? Or is it necessary they are there at a specific time for their tasks?

It really seems like written documentation is one path towards a solution, so they stop endangering your baby.


Idk. it's not the matter of them being there for a specific task. time yes, they each have a 12 hour shift. I guess it would be up to my discretion if I want to be left without a nurse for that shift.

I have contemplated putting up a DO NOT ENTER with fragrance/cigarette odor... on front door.

amother above, I have texted a certain nurse (I usually don't like confronting them and have the agency relay the message so this way its also documented and less personal) who was covering thursday and friday night. I found out literally 5 min b4 shab. that she is coming and being that I was barely able to breathe from the heavy aroma she spread the night before I quickly texted her a very nice message asking her to pls avoid fragrance (s/t I dont even have the # or know who will show up) in any case, when I went to bentch licht she had not responded yet so when she showed up smelling like a bottle of perfume spilled on her (and a horrible one at that) I presumed that she did not get my msg or chose to ignore it. to my utter surprise she had texted me back "sure, np"...
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amother




cornflower


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 12:51 am
Squishy wrote:
I have those issue with cleaning ladies. I tell them they can't work with perfume. I get them promising me they aren't wearing any. I promise you they are. It doesn't happen twice. I make the cleaning ladies wash off the perfume they promise they aren't wearing. Obviously, the nurses are not as easy to boss around because they are taking care of your precious baby.

Can you get your doctor to write directions on this specific issue. I would document every time this happens and report it.

Refuah Shelima for your baby.

good idea! I'll have the social worker write up a letter! (hope it will help...)
Thanks!
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Squishy









  


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 1:02 am
amother wrote:
Idk. it's not the matter of them being there for a specific task. time yes, they each have a 12 hour shift. I guess it would be up to my discretion if I want to be left without a nurse for that shift.

I have contemplated putting up a DO NOT ENTER with fragrance/cigarette odor... on front door.

amother above, I have texted a certain nurse (I usually don't like confronting them and have the agency relay the message so this way its also documented and less personal) who was covering thursday and friday night. I found out literally 5 min b4 shab. that she is coming and being that I was barely able to breathe from the heavy aroma she spread the night before I quickly texted her a very nice message asking her to pls avoid fragrance (s/t I dont even have the # or know who will show up) in any case, when I went to bentch licht she had not responded yet so when she showed up smelling like a bottle of perfume spilled on her (and a horrible one at that) I presumed that she did not get my msg or chose to ignore it. to my utter surprise she had texted me back "sure, np"...


When you document, write in your message Dr So & So said perfume is dangerous for my baby's lungs. This is the second time this week a nurse from your agency arrived wearing fragrance even though I sent a friendly reminder text.

Today was the 6th time in a month and a half one of your nurses showed up with fragrance directly against the medical directive from Dr So & So.

What you are really saying silently is I am keeping track of your negligence and sharing documentation of same with you. You are doing this without confronting the nurses.

When you keep count, it sends a powerful message that you have documentation to file an official complaint. I would do it via email if it is just as easy for you.

You have enough to keep you occupied, you don't need this from the people hired to help you.
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Squishy









  


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 1:05 am
amother wrote:
good idea! I'll have the social worker write up a letter! (hope it will help...)
Thanks!


I wish I could do more. My heart is breaking for you. I will be dovening for yourself baby and you.

Share your emails to the agency counting the times this is happening with the social workers.
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amother




cornflower


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 1:09 am
Squishy wrote:
When you document, write in your message Dr So & So said perfume is dangerous for my baby's lungs. This is the second time this week a nurse from your agency arrived wearing fragrance even though I sent a friendly reminder text.

Today was the 6th time in a month and a half one of your nurses showed up with fragrance directly against the medical directive from Dr So & So.

What you are really saying silently is I am keeping track of your negligence and sharing documentation of same with you. You are doing this without confronting the nurses.

When you keep count, it sends a powerful message that you have documentation to file an official complaint. I would do it via email if it is just as easy for you.

You have enough to keep you occupied, you don't need this from the people hired to help you.


its very good idea (at least in theory) but,
reason I'm not jumping on them is because once I open my mouth, 'fraid of what will come out. oish, amount of things I will have to document, like snoring and napping on the job, not finishing or skipping a feeding. obviously not having suctioned or changed the kids diaper, barging into my bedroom... there's a lot more of bigger and littler things
it will not be pretty. we have enough of revolving doors with new nurses daily, and I don't know if I'm ready for them to quit on me because of this. (as much as I hate it and can't stand it) not sure if I'm explaining myself properly. but I guess along the lines of 'picking my battles'.
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amother




cornflower


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 1:12 am
Squishy wrote:
I wish I could do more. My heart is breaking for you. I will be dovening for yourself baby and you.

Share your emails to the agency counting the times this is happening with the social workers.


Thank you. you're so sweet Smile

Here's what you can do Wink:
Find us a cure! ok, slightly easier job- a NORMAL nurse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Squishy









  


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 1:20 am
amother wrote:
its very good idea (at least in theory) but,
reason I'm not jumping on them is because once I open my mouth, 'fraid of what will come out. oish, amount of things I will have to document, like snoring and napping on the job, not finishing or skipping a feeding. obviously not having suctioned or changed the kids diaper, barging into my bedroom... there's a lot more of bigger and littler things
it will not be pretty. we have enough of revolving doors with new nurses daily, and I don't know if I'm ready for them to quit on me because of this. (as much as I hate it and can't stand it) not sure if I'm explaining myself properly. but I guess along the lines of 'picking my battles'.


Do you speak to the social workers about the not suctioning, not feeding, sleeping, and not changing diapers?

I put a double lock on my bedroom door because of the cleaning ladies barging in.
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amother




cornflower


Post  Tue, Feb 13 2018, 1:28 am
Squishy wrote:
Do you speak to the social workers about the not suctioning, not feeding, sleeping, and not changing diapers?

I put a double lock on my bedroom door because of the cleaning ladies barging in.


Too many other issues to discuss. but when we switched to this practice with this amazing team on staff- we had a meeting- pediatrician, case manager and social worker they asked me how nursing is working out and I opened my mouth and closed it and opened and closed and said s/t along the line of umm, depends and I'm not sure you want to get me started. they all laughed and said they get this response very often...

so b/c we're in a 1 br apt, and we have other kids, we split the room so its now a railroad with kids b/r 1st. kids don't like when we lock their door as they need access to bathroom in the middle of the night. and usually at one point a kid or two or three will need s/t or want to crawl into mommy or tottys bed (I know, I know. but no koach to stop this habit now and ya, admitting we did it to my parents as well) and they're all pretty young so doesn't work out to have them lock the door again.

I am so sorry op. look what happened here to your thread...
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