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Ruchel








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:35 pm       Post subject: DD "needs" non mommy time
My dad recently has met a lady at our shul that is a ped. She told him dd will be "unbearable" if we (the parents) don't "cut the cord" by sending her to nursery at least a few hours a day, and that it's not normal that "my world revolved around her". She says she has talked to me and I'm "not even my own person" (whatever that means) because I'm obsessed.

Another ped told us it would be good because I'm "too nice" and dd needs to see the world, how it is in reality, before she becomes spoilt.

Most people seem to think she's becoming "big" for being with me all day, and I should go to work even if it's what it would take.

My own mom never put me in nursery, although I did go to playgroups where mom stays at 2, 2.5 years, and half a day in kindergarten at 3 (full day at 4). I was very spoilt, but my parents were much older and I was an only child, so it could explain.

I personally will NOT send her out a whole day, but I am considering playgroups where I can stay, IF it will bring her something to meet peers.



Any input?
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Squash








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:38 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
r they talking about sending you kid away at 10 months old?!?! that sounds absurd to me. cuz she'll get spoiled otherwise?!?! Shocked
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Ruchel








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:43 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
and there is also this very frum SAHM in the town, that told my mom she sends her kids to nursery all day when they are 6 months, to have time for herself, and I should do it, it's great for the mother and the baby who makes friends.
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TwinsMommy








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:44 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
hogwash. spoil the heck out of her and enjoy every minute. She's got plenty of time to be exposed to the cruel world. Shelter her as much as you're able. I TREASURE my time at home with my children. I work too, but I work at home and try to squeeze a lot of work into naptimes and bedtime so that their awake time is mommy time.
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happymom








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:47 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
you know what? I think they are totally wrong!!!! You are teaching your daughter about love, and trust! good for you that u spend so much time with your daughter! keep it up and when ure daughter is big and out of the house you WILL NOT REGRET IT! They will be the ones who wont be able to take back the time not spent with thier little ones because they were away at such a young age. please..... spoiling means giving a child whatever they want whenever they want, no matter if its good for them or not, just because u dont want them to cry.... loving ure child, giving lots of hugs, being there for them whent ehy need u, spending quality time, and making a schedule that works best for THEM, is called being a good devoted MOM!
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happymom








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:48 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
Quote:
and there is also this very frum SAHM in the town, that told my mom she sends her kids to nursery all day when they are 6 months, to have time for herself, and I should do it, it's great for the mother and the baby who makes friends.


Rolling Eyes Shocked please!!! six months??? my heart really goes out to those babies! ya right friends. of course babies like other babies. but ONLY if the mother is there TOO!!!!! otherwise, ask any six month old, and theyll say they choose mommy! Wink
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smiley:)








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:48 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
I'll probably be in the minority here but thats ok. I think it is good for little kids to be at home with their mom. (And I understand it is not always possible).
I think it is 100% normal that a little kid;s world revolves around her. Kids are by nature egocentric. I think it would be very unusual if a kids' world did not revolve around her. I also think a kid has plenty of time to learn that the world isnt always nice, and that they can be sheltered when they are 10 months... and even 2 yrs old. I have heard it from so many ppl about kids needing to learn harsh realities at a very young age and I just disagree with it.
I think if you are able to stay home with your daughter, you see her benefitting and you are happy with the stay at home arrangement, no one is to tell you you need to send your daughter out.
What does it mean she is becoming "big" for being with you all day? Having a higher self esteem? is there something wrong with that? Getting together with other moms and kids can have a positive side to it. But for ppl to tell you you need to send her out at this age? Odd...
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Squash








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:49 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
does this idea have anything to do with french culture, cuz I've never ever come across an idea like this?
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amother








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:51 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
I hope they are just jealous and dont really believe that!
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Ruchel








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 4:07 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
Jealous? I don't think... this woman for example, has her two older children in school, she doesn't work, she could keep her daughter at home. She PREFERS to have her in a day nursery, I think from 9 am to 5pm, since she was 6 months. If she was jealous, she could do the same.
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Hashem_Yaazor








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 4:25 pm       Post subject: Re: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
Squash wrote:
does this idea have anything to do with french culture, cuz I've never ever come across an idea like this?
Most probably, knowing some other things their doctors say Rolling Eyes

Seriously, I don't think pediatricians are parenting experts. You do what feels right for you, but you don't have to listen to them on what clothes your baby wears, how often you hug her, or how much time you spend with her.
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PinkandYellow








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 4:31 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
even if you wanted "me" time- 8 hours? at 6 mths? my son is two and still doesn't really play with others. I think until 2-3 yo kids are more "side by side" playing rather then playing with eachother.
if you feel your daughter needs to get out, or you need her to get out a bit, maybe a few hours a week or s\t. or maybe you can take her to "mommy and me" (do they have that their)?
ps- you are a good mommy naturally, don't listen to ppls bad advice taht goes against your mommy instinct.
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NotInNJMommy








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 4:39 pm       Post subject:
I think it's a french thing....like why peds there seem to reccommend starting solids bewteen 2-4 mos...very different than the States...

if you aren't comfortable with it, and you are both happy, why do this at such a young age...kids also get sick more often when in those communal settings....and she's still not even a year.
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Mama Bear








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 4:50 pm       Post subject:
oy,the french! pregnancy is considered hell, delivery is considered hell and everyone should have c sections, no one should breastfeed, everyone should send their kids away asap so you can reclaim 'me' time... what a hedonistic, egoistic, self-centered country. What a backwards, backwards country. My blood boils every time some meshugaim tell you what to do with your life. please, for the sake that all is pure is good, ignore these people!!!
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Ruchel








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 5:01 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
No, c sections are the nightmare of many women.

You're about right about the other things, and it's annoying, except I agree with "them" about pregnancy, birth and post partum, given that I'm just starting to feel better (hormone levels almost back to normal, yay - just hoping I won't get a post partum thyroid problem at every post partum).
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Pickle Lady








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 5:35 pm       Post subject:
When does the ped suggest you should be sending the child out to work? 2 years old....
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red sea








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 5:36 pm       Post subject:
I also think its a very french thing to send your child out at 6 months and 10 months, I don't think you need to listen to them. If you want to socialize sign up for a mommy and me class.
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Ruchel








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 5:38 pm       Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time
I think kids can work at 14 part time, 16 full time, 18 at night.
Most kids I know start working after university (22+) but some take a job during vacations.
So no, no relation there.
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Crayon210








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 6:46 pm       Post subject:
Pickle Lady wrote:
When does the ped suggest you should be sending the child out to work? 2 years old....


Rolling Laughter
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Pickle Lady








Post Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 6:53 pm       Post subject:
Crayon210 wrote:
Pickle Lady wrote:
When does the ped suggest you should be sending the child out to work? 2 years old....


Rolling Laughter


Thanks for getting the joke. I would think the ped would also soon think that spoiling the child with a roof over his head and food should be stopped by 2 maybe 3 years old and that they should be working for thier food and housing by then.
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