DD "needs" non mommy time

Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:35 pm Post subject: DD "needs" non mommy time

My dad recently has met a lady at our shul that is a ped. She told him dd will be "unbearable" if we (the parents) don't "cut the cord" by sending her to nursery at least a few hours a day, and that it's not normal that "my world revolved around her". She says she has talked to me and I'm "not even my own person" (whatever that means) because I'm obsessed.

Another ped told us it would be good because I'm "too nice" and dd needs to see the world, how it is in reality, before she becomes spoilt.

Most people seem to think she's becoming "big" for being with me all day, and I should go to work even if it's what it would take.

My own mom never put me in nursery, although I did go to playgroups where mom stays at 2, 2.5 years, and half a day in kindergarten at 3 (full day at 4). I was very spoilt, but my parents were much older and I was an only child, so it could explain.

I personally will NOT send her out a whole day, but I am considering playgroups where I can stay, IF it will bring her something to meet peers.

Any input?
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Diamond Member Joined: Dec 04 2006 Posts: 2694

r they talking about sending you kid away at 10 months old?!?! that sounds absurd to me. cuz she'll get spoiled otherwise?!?! Shocked

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Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:43 pm Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time

and there is also this very frum SAHM in the town, that told my mom she sends her kids to nursery all day when they are 6 months, to have time for herself, and I should do it, it's great for the mother and the baby who makes friends.

Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:44 pm Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time

hogwash. spoil the heck out of her and enjoy every minute. She's got plenty of time to be exposed to the cruel world. Shelter her as much as you're able. I TREASURE my time at home with my children. I work too, but I work at home and try to squeeze a lot of work into naptimes and bedtime so that their awake time is mommy time.

Platinum Member Joined: May 16 2005 Posts: 6262

you know what? I think they are totally wrong!!!! You are teaching your daughter about love, and trust! good for you that u spend so much time with your daughter! keep it up and when ure daughter is big and out of the house you WILL NOT REGRET IT! They will be the ones who wont be able to take back the time not spent with thier little ones because they were away at such a young age. please..... spoiling means giving a child whatever they want whenever they want, no matter if its good for them or not, just because u dont want them to cry.... loving ure child, giving lots of hugs, being there for them whent ehy need u, spending quality time, and making a schedule that works best for THEM, is called being a good devoted MOM!

Platinum Member Joined: May 16 2005 Posts: 6262

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 20 2006 Posts: 5705

I'll probably be in the minority here but thats ok. I think it is good for little kids to be at home with their mom. (And I understand it is not always possible).
I think it is 100% normal that a little kid;s world revolves around her. Kids are by nature egocentric. I think it would be very unusual if a kids' world did not revolve around her. I also think a kid has plenty of time to learn that the world isnt always nice, and that they can be sheltered when they are 10 months... and even 2 yrs old. I have heard it from so many ppl about kids needing to learn harsh realities at a very young age and I just disagree with it.
I think if you are able to stay home with your daughter, you see her benefitting and you are happy with the stay at home arrangement, no one is to tell you you need to send your daughter out.
What does it mean she is becoming "big" for being with you all day? Having a higher self esteem? is there something wrong with that? Getting together with other moms and kids can have a positive side to it. But for ppl to tell you you need to send her out at this age? Odd...

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 04 2006 Posts: 2694

does this idea have anything to do with french culture, cuz I've never ever come across an idea like this?

Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 3:51 pm Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time

I hope they are just jealous and dont really believe that!

Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 4:07 pm Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time

Jealous? I don't think... this woman for example, has her two older children in school, she doesn't work, she could keep her daughter at home. She PREFERS to have her in a day nursery, I think from 9 am to 5pm, since she was 6 months. If she was jealous, she could do the same.

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Diamond Member Joined: Dec 05 2005 Posts: 3505

even if you wanted "me" time- 8 hours? at 6 mths? my son is two and still doesn't really play with others. I think until 2-3 yo kids are more "side by side" playing rather then playing with eachother.
if you feel your daughter needs to get out, or you need her to get out a bit, maybe a few hours a week or s\t. or maybe you can take her to "mommy and me" (do they have that their)?
ps- you are a good mommy naturally, don't listen to ppls bad advice taht goes against your mommy instinct.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 10 2006 Posts: 6566

I think it's a french thing....like why peds there seem to reccommend starting solids bewteen 2-4 mos...very different than the States...

if you aren't comfortable with it, and you are both happy, why do this at such a young age...kids also get sick more often when in those communal settings....and she's still not even a year.
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 16955

oy,the french! pregnancy is considered hell, delivery is considered hell and everyone should have c sections, no one should breastfeed, everyone should send their kids away asap so you can reclaim 'me' time... what a hedonistic, egoistic, self-centered country. What a backwards, backwards country. My blood boils every time some meshugaim tell you what to do with your life. please, for the sake that all is pure is good, ignore these people!!!
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Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 5:01 pm Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time

No, c sections are the nightmare of many women.

You're about right about the other things, and it's annoying, except I agree with "them" about pregnancy, birth and post partum, given that I'm just starting to feel better (hormone levels almost back to normal, yay - just hoping I won't get a post partum thyroid problem at every post partum).

Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 5:35 pm Post subject:

When does the ped suggest you should be sending the child out to work? 2 years old....
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Platinum Member Joined: Oct 27 2005 Posts: 6749

I also think its a very french thing to send your child out at 6 months and 10 months, I don't think you need to listen to them. If you want to socialize sign up for a mommy and me class.
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Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 5:38 pm Post subject: re: DD "needs" non mommy time

I think kids can work at 14 part time, 16 full time, 18 at night.
Most kids I know start working after university (22+) but some take a job during vacations.
So no, no relation there.

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 09 2005 Posts: 11840

Posted: Mon, Dec 31 2007, 6:53 pm Post subject: