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DD "needs" non mommy time
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shayna82




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 6:15 pm
my oldest is extremely attached to being at home and having me go with him places, like he wont go to a friend if im not there. I never sent him "away" until he was three and that was to school for a half day/ I dont 100% agree with this. I think kids need a balance, but a higher percentage at home. rcuhel, your daughter will not be spoiled.
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 6:15 pm
Quote:
Jealous? I don't think... this woman for example, has her two older children in school, she doesn't work, she could keep her daughter at home. She PREFERS to have her in a day nursery, I think from 9 am to 5pm, since she was 6 months. If she was jealous, she could do the same.


that is very sad! Poor baby!! Crying
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 6:25 pm
shayna a child who is attached to home and doesnt want to leave isnt ready. sending them out early will not teach them anything. some kids just have a harder time... and sending them away at an earlier age will not help that. yes if a four year old doesnt want to leave home, they have to, but usually when a baby/toddler is with the mother, they are MORE ready to leave home when its time for school.
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lamplighter




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 8:20 pm
enjoy ur time with her, she will not be spoiled or socially awkward bc she wasnt "out" by 10 months. Another vote here saying its totally riduculous.
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cdawnr




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 9:33 pm
if your daughter was 2, I could hear some validity tp the need for some socialization and away time..but 9 months! The ped was out of line, imo.

I send my kids to daycare at 3 months causae I work, but if you are happy sahming with your baby when she is so little--fabulous!
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Lechatchila Ariber




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 9:35 pm
10 months...spoilt? needs to see the world? shock
are they insane?
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qeenB




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 9:51 pm
the one thing I can think of why she said that from my own experiences is this . I am a sahm and I dont leave my kids with babysitters on a regular basis. I found that if I tried to leave them once they were past 8 or 9 months old they would just scream the whole time I wasnt there. I wanted to take a subbing job for a few days and there was a baby sitting service in the school. my 15 month old screamed the whole morning . so I didnt take the job. so yes if you are planning to go to work in a few months it would make sense to slowly get your baby used to another place. I personaly will not send my kids out younger than 2. the ones I sent at 2 I still feel guilty even though they love playgroup. this is the time in their lives they need to be around their mom and feel like they are the most important thing in the world. they say that you have until a child is 6 or 7 to build their charactor and how they feel about themselves which will impact them for the rest of their lives. 6 years is not that long so take advantage now!
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amother


 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 9:55 pm
Quote:
send my kids to daycare at 3 months causae I work, but if you are happy sahming with your baby when she is so little--fabulous!
_________________


I dont mean to be rude, but three months is just as young as six weeks
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 9:58 pm
qeenb, a baby at eight and nine months has seperation anxiety and is NOT READY to be away from thier mother, and that is why they scream when left.

saying one can send a baby to a babysitter at a young age to get used to it is to me saying one should fast when young to get used to fasting when older.

a baby needs and wants its mother. just because they have no choice and realize there is no point in crying so they stop, doesnt mean it wont affect them in a negative way in the long run!
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raizy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 31 2007, 10:28 pm
I dont know what this world is coming too. sending kids out that early. I only send my kids out when it was absuletely nessary like I was in the hospital preg with the next baby and I needed my baby to be somewhere safe and playing envoirment. I dont think a doc office and waiting rooms is a good place for a 2 yr old.

but my other kids all stayed home till they were ready for school. which here in my com starts so early. 2.5 yrs and 3 yrs.

and it is true I had 5 weeks old babies coming to me. they were so cute and tiny and needy. all they want at that stage is too be held bye their mommies. I tried to hold them alot. but still I had to do other stuff. I wish that all babies would stay home at least for the first 6 months of life. they really need their mommies.
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ArthurDent




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 3:48 am
You cannot be spoiling your daughter more than I am my own. I seriously got tons of criticism from everyone because I gave in to my colicky daughter's crying and basically HELD HER non-stop for the first three months of her life. But it was the only thing that kept her from crying. She was an incredibly difficult baby, required mommy all the time. I felt like I couldn't even complain to anybody else, b/c all I'd hear is about how I should just put her down and let her cry and that I was spoiling her.

Now, she's 19 months and a complete doll. She's secure and happy and everyone comments on how well behaved and sweet she is. I am a stay at home and have never left her with a babysitter (except my mom and that was only on occasion back when I was still finishing up school before dd turned 1). It's been very dramatic how much more able she is to spend time playing by herself, compared with before.

Every time I started to doubt myself and wonder if I was really truly spoiling her, I would see these horrible parents on the television at my parents' house who were raising monsters. (Full disclosure: It was the Maury Show. Real garbage television.) They gave in to the child's every cry and as a result, the 2 to 5 year olds were already weighing 50-80 lbs!!! Of course, you can still spoil your child without going near what these parents were doing, but it was a nice reminder to me of what the entire spectrum is out there.
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mummy-bh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 4:25 am
EstiS wrote:
10 months...spoilt? needs to see the world? shock
are they insane?
Not necessarily. Possibly they are insane. Definitely they are plain SELFISH.
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PinkandYellow




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 6:49 am
mummy-bh wrote:
EstiS wrote:
10 months...spoilt? needs to see the world? shock
are they insane?
Not necessarily. Possibly they are insane. Definitely they are plain SELFISH.


Well, if like picklelady said, they expect a child to start working by 2, you must understand that it would be very important for the child to start touring, at least europe, by age 1 yo.
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MommyLuv




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 9:59 am
amother wrote:
Quote:
send my kids to daycare at 3 months causae I work, but if you are happy sahming with your baby when she is so little--fabulous!
_________________


I dont mean to be rude, but three months is just as young as six weeks


I think the point was that sending her kids out was a necessity for parnasa rather than her own preference.
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 10:00 am
Quote:
You cannot be spoiling your daughter more than I am my own. I seriously got tons of criticism from everyone because I gave in to my colicky daughter's crying and basically HELD HER non-stop for the first three months of her life. But it was the only thing that kept her from crying. She was an incredibly difficult baby, required mommy all the time. I felt like I couldn't even complain to anybody else, b/c all I'd hear is about how I should just put her down and let her cry and that I was spoiling her.
shock

these people know NOTHING about whats best for babies!!! You CANNOT spoil a baby! giving them what they need when they need is is GOOD. babies cry to TELL US SOMETHING. either something is bothering them, or they are hungry, tired etc... my babies barely ever cry (they arent colikcy bh) so they have to reason to cry cuz I am always there for them right when they need something. my baby knows all he has to do is make a soft sound and I am right there. if he were in daycare he would have learned that they only way to get what he needs is to scream hysterically. I very thankful that I know that daycare isnt good for babies so that I can really be there for them when they need me most.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 10:01 am
Quote:
think the point was that sending her kids out was a necessity for parnasa rather than her own preference.


ok but she made it sound like three months is diff then six weeks and it isnt, because at three months they NEEED thier mothers JUST as much!
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gryp




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 10:30 am
Non-Mommy time for a baby? There's a reason why a mother gives birth to them, and they don't hatch out of eggs or suddenly evolve in the middle of the jungle somewhere out there. Rolling Eyes
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 10:34 am
Child work doesn't exist in France, thank you.

Definitely babies can cry for a tantrum or because they want another candy or to play with something you can't allow. Mine does.

Thanks for the useful answers.
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MommyLuv




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 10:46 am
If you read any basic child psychology, you will hear about the 'cycle of trust' that an infant learns about when his needs for comfort, food and security are met consistently, and what can happen to his psyche when his cries are ignored over and over ... Confused

thought you might get something out of this:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T110234.asp
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happymom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 01 2008, 10:48 am
Quote:
Definitely babies can cry for a tantrum or because they want another candy or to play with something you can't allow. Mine does.



NOT a three month old! until six months, babies dont cry for that reason! until six months thats why its imporssible to spoil a baby. of course an older child is different! if they want something thats bad for them, as a mother, u have to not allow it, even if there are tears, but there are many ways which I find work, WITHOUT spoiling that totally avoid most tantrums. my daughter is almost there and I cant count on my fingers the tantrums she had.

when she really wants something and I have to say no, and she gets upset, we talk about her feelings. like I tell her "I know its sooooo hard when u want something and u cant have it right?? and we go do something else, but she really feels I understand her, and thats helps alot!
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