What is "a harry"?

Tamiri

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 6:28 am

Does anyone know what the means? A boy in Yeshiva is being called that by his peers. Any idea?

BennysMommy

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 8:05 am

Are they saying it in a derogatory way? Maybe his English name is Harry? Maybe it's a character from a movie or something a bunch of the guys watched together? Does he have a lot of hair? It could be anything. I've never heard it being used before...except my grandfather's name was Harry.

Seraph

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 8:20 am

I heard somethung like it being descritive of a type of yeshiva guy, studious nerd with glasses... but I cud be wrong.
iirc there may also be a "bob" in yeshiva.

Tamiri

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 8:33 am

There was a Yated letter from a father who said his son had undergone a (negative) personality change and that the boy was being dubbed a "harry" in Yeshiva. There was no explanation as to what a "harry" is. It's not the boy's English name.
Thanks Breslov for your response. I wonder if you are right.

justanothermother

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 8:33 am

This is the original question.

Quote:

“HARRY”
Dear Editor,
This year, my son began attending an out-of-town high school yeshiva. For the most part, it has been a wonderful experience. His rabbeim are dedicated to their heilige work, and he has made many outstanding friends. Recently, however, I began noticing that my son was a bit subdued. After much probing and prodding, I finally dislodged what was bothering him: the boys in his yeshiva had labeled him a “harry.” At first, I figured it had become fashionable to call people by their English names, so I encouraged him to divulge to his classmates his correct secular name. I since came to realize that “harry” was not being used as a noun by these children, but rather as a verb. I began to make inquiries: What exactly is the meaning of “harry”? What sort of person constitutes a “harry”? To date, I have not received any satisfactory explanation or answer. So I turn to your readers and ask, what is a “harry”? Will this label affect my son’s status in regard to which
yeshiva will accept him? Will this affect which girl will be redd to him? I am at my wits’ end and beg anybody with knowledge of this matter to write in and explain it.
A Concerned Father

Squash

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 8:44 am

breslov wrote:

I heard somethung like it being descritive of a type of yeshiva guy, studious nerd with glasses... but I cud be wrong.
iirc there may also be a "bob" in yeshiva.

yeah, I think breslov's description of a 'nerd' is pretty much it. sort of like the yidish word 'yukel' which, please don't ask me what it means. I only heard it recently and can't define it exactly.

'bob' I never heard of. oh! now that I think of it I remember one of dh's friends being called 'moshe bob'. dunno why.

gryp

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 9:19 am

Quote:

What exactly is the meaning of “harry”? What sort of person constitutes a “harry”? To date, I have not received any satisfactory explanation or answer. So I turn to your readers and ask, what is a “harry”? Will this label affect my son’s status in regard to which
yeshiva will accept him? Will this affect which girl will be redd to him? I am at my wits’ end and beg anybody with knowledge of this matter to write in and explain it.

I think these parents are being a bit ridiculous. Their son is no longer in kindergarten, they need to let him grow up.

It is very common for boys to make up names for each other in Yeshiva. Obviously it's not nice, but big boys can't go crying home to Mommy and Daddy every time something happens. Boys are supposed to be growing up into men, not whiny girlies. And I don't see this father role modeling that.

Really, he needs to get a life. Name calling will not affect which Yeshiva his son will get into next, nor will it affect his shidduchim. Being a wimp, on the other hand, can do just that.

Mimisinger

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 9:20 am

Sorry Gr - but it sounds like you could have been one of those bullies that made life for a wimpy girlie h*ll. Try having some sensitivity.

gryp

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 9:24 am

No, not quite. I just think men should teach their boys to be men, A father who is at his wits end because his son is being called a name is a bit much.

Mimisinger

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 9:27 am

There are all kinds of men. Macho bullies imo are not the ultimate. Sensitive MEN, that make good husbands are a very desired type of man.

brooklyn

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 9:27 am

Sounds like the father is a bit of a girlie man himself. I'm with you GR. He has to learn to stand up for himself.

Raisin

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 9:51 am

GR wrote:

Quote:

I have no objection to your reasoning - that this guy needs to let his son stand up for himself, but why the use of such terms as "whiny girlie"? Would you think it was appropriate if the father was writing about his daughter in seminary? (cause I wouldn't)

You make it sound as if all girls go around crying and kvetching. Not the ones I know. Maybe the term "little kid" would be better.

Just trying to stand up for my gender! 8)

Also kids can't always help thier parents behaviour.

(Like the parents who call me up asking if their child can come and work in my summer camp. I never hire these kids. I just assume if they can't pick up the phone on their own, they won't be able to run a camp on their own either)

gryp

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 10:21 am

Quote:

Oh, Raisin, I think of "girlie" as in a 3-4-5-6 year old girl when it's so common at that stage to kvetch fulltime. Not older, definitely not seminary age! I should hope they're not whining like a 4 yr old.

I also think that bullying and name-calling is not necessarily one and the same. It is very common for guys to make up names for each other in Yeshiva. That is not bullying. Guys joke around like that. Yes, it can get to a level of bullying if escalated beyond that, and as I said, name calling isn't nice obviously, we all know that. But there is a line between playing around and when it becomes actual bullying.

In this situation the only hint we have that it might indeed be bullying is that the father mentions that his son has become subdued. That is a good indication of bullying. But, from what I hear goes on in Yeshivos, name- calling is part of the social scene. And from the level of desperation the father sounds like he's in from this situation, I don't know if I can truly trust his judgement.
This is all hypothetical. If we had more information it would be easier to tell.

Also, fathers should be teaching their sons to be MEN. Girls, not.

It seems like parents are so afraid of their child facing the slightest bit of disappointment, fear, or hurt. That's okay for a baby who is not capable of standing up to anything, obviously, but at some point the baby-stage ends and the child grows through these types of experiences.
What happens when the child is an adult and someone skips him in the grocery line?
Or when someone doesn't give him Shalach Manos?
Or when (thinking of what goes on here Rolling Eyes

) he's mugged in the street?

Quote:

Just trying to stand up for my gender!

LOL, my gender too, you know. Smile

Quote:

Also kids can't always help thier parents behaviour.

I know.

Quote:

Like the parents who call me up asking if their child can come and work in my summer camp. I never hire these kids. I just assume if they can't pick up the phone on their own, they won't be able to run a camp on their own either)

I know what you mean.

Quote:

Sounds like the father is a bit of a girlie man himself. I'm with you GR. He has to learn to stand up for himself.

Exactly, Brooklyn.
I can hear the desperation in his voice. Either he has absolutely no clue how the system works that his son is in, or he likes to exaggerate an awful lot, but it sounds like a little girlie whining.

su7kids

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 10:36 am

I dont know, maybe its something to do with Harry Potter? Smart, intelligent, studious?

chocolate moose

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 11:22 am

I would ask my kids but I'm afraid, so many words are euphamistic these days ...

cassandra

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 12:52 pm

I was told is is someone who dresses a bit uncool, which in the yeshiva world means wearing white socks or brown shoes.

carrot

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 12:55 pm

GR, maybe the father sounds so distraught because he DOES have a handle of what's going on, he knows his son, he sees the changes in his personality, and he suspects this is a form of bullying NOT just a nickname? I think it is great that he is trying to understand what "harry" means and why it might be so distressing to his son.

yedidya's mom

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 1:26 pm

the way I have heard it, the term is used for someone who was more modern originally then "flipped out" in Israel and became very very intense but you can still tell that he is a "newcomer" bec. of certain mannerisms. im not sure im explaining it well.

STovah

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 1:37 pm

The description of a "Harry" that I have heard in the past is the type of guy who carries his sefarim in a knapsack - not your "mainstream Yeshivish"

greenfire

Fri, Feb 01 2008, 4:01 pm

su7kids wrote:

I dont know, maybe its something to do with Harry Potter? Smart, intelligent, studious?

yeah, I was wondering the same ... harry potter was not liked by much of the wizarding school ... so it makes sense ...

but sounds rude and typical of teens ... What