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Forum
-> Working Women
How much time (awake) do you get with your kids daily?
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| one hour |
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1% |
[ 1 ] |
| two hours |
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23% |
[ 13 ] |
| four hours |
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69% |
[ 38 ] |
| only on weekends |
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5% |
[ 3 ] |
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| Total Votes : 55 |
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mom21n2
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 Thu, Feb 14 2008, 4:50 pm
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Oh, and guess where I am RIGHT NOW
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crbc
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 5:35 pm
Still at work? It does get better.. Hang in there. 
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mom21n2
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 5:47 pm
Thanks. 
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amother
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 6:33 pm
| amother wrote: | | Do not defend the OP because you are not the same as her. I feel for her, because it must be agony to want to be with your kids but not be able to. You don't want to be with your kids, because you can't sacrifice a few years out of your life to do something that will be better for them. |
Well, I don't think that it is *always* better for a child to have mom at home all of the time. You do? Bully for you. But the whole *stay at home mommy who devotes her life to the kiddies* is a 1950s myth. Back before people had dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, clothes washers, electric mixers, etc etc, women spent the vast bulk of their time keeping the home going. You're buying into the American post-war dream.
In any event, no one ever said that they didn't want to be with their kids. They said that they wanted to do something IN ADDITION TO being with their kids.
| amother wrote: | | Every child deserves to have a person that they feel is there just for them, and most children want that to be mommy (and sometimes it's abba and that's ok too.) As they get older and more confident in themselves they don't need that. But your children are definitely missing out, because essentially you are saying that your own happiness is more important than their happiness, and kids know this. |
How utterly offensive. I went back to work when my child was 8 months old. My son knew then, and knows today, that I am there for him, heart and soul, 24/7. I know every one of my son's friends. I know his teachers. I review his homework with him every night. We talk about everything and anything. But he's also very lucky. I've brought another person into his life, his sitter, who is like a grandmother to him, who also loves him heart and soul.
By the way, can I assume that you're an unmarried mother to one child? Because otherwise, I cannot for the life of me figure out how your child believes that you're there *just for [him]* You would also there for your husband and other kids. If *you* can be there for a husband and more than one child, other people can be there for their kids and for a job.
One more point -- if I had a choice, I would work when the kids are young, and be home when they're teens. I think that's when they need parents more!
| amother wrote: | | If not working will throw you into a state of great depression you should not have kids. What is the point???? It just seems selfish. |
Because there is life outside of 9 to 5.
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happymom
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 6:46 pm
| Quote: | | Well, I don't think that it is *always* better for a child to have mom at home all of the time. You do? Bully for you. But the whole *stay at home mommy who devotes her life to the kiddies* is a 1950s myth. Back before people had dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, clothes washers, electric mixers, etc etc, women spent the vast bulk of their time keeping the home going. You're buying into the American post-war dream. |
im sorry but I find it sad that the new way of thinking has such an effect that people actually think like this now. a mothers job is to take ccare of her kids and the home according to the Torah. and if a mother does other things, thats up to her, but that doesnt take away from the fact that that is a mothers job, and imo its a beautiful wonderful thing.
Its also hard for me to believe that you feel its lucky for a baby to have a babysitter. ok, a necessity I can understand. the fact that its fortunate that shes nice and loves your son, well thats great! bh you found her! but of course mother is better then a babysitter. but youll still have your opinion and ill have mine.... I just wanted to write my thoughts on what you said.
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cdawnr
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 6:54 pm
" my whole point is that whatever anyone does as long as the kids and husband and mother are happy then its great for them, and will be diff for everyone, its just the feeeling of the mother has to be happy (and thats all that matters) that I dont agree with. "
SOund familiar to anyone? Yes Happymother that is you saying that if this is somehting that works for the whole family it is understandlable...
oh, wait, I forgot, we are all just lying to ourselves!
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Mama Bear
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 7:10 pm
| mom21n2 wrote: | | Mama Bear wrote: | | Most kids' bedtimes are at about 7:30 - 8:30, so between putting up supper, serving it, supervisting homework, bathtime, bedtime, trying to eat something, trying to get in five words wtih your husband, cleaning up and then collapsing on the couch, |
OP again. My job is 12 hours a day except weekends and Fridays. I don't do any of the stuff mama bear listed above.
And to those amothers, you know who you are: "would you please stop hiding???" | How do you work 12 hours a day??? Do you EVER get to see your family? If you dont do suppertime and bedtime, who does it? I'm not judging you at all, just asking...
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happymom
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 7:28 pm
| Quote: | SOund familiar to anyone? Yes Happymother that is you saying that if this is somehting that works for the whole family it is understandlable...
oh, wait, I forgot, we are all just lying to ourselves!
_________________
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hu?? sorry I dont really get what you are saying. I believe that there are situations where the mother is working and eevyone is still happy... so I dont see where you got that from...
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cdawnr
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 7:30 pm
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because every other post you write implies that that is not the case.
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happymom
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 7:48 pm
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maybe because I am talking about a case if not everyone is happy... and im not sure why I keep being misunderstood.
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cdawnr
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 7:52 pm
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maybe cause to me it reads like you assume that not everyone is happy with a working situation. And if someone dares to imply that not at sahms are happy or beneficial for their kids, they are immediately told that they are wrong, that they are misdirected by society...etc.
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happymom
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 7:55 pm
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What I am saying is that many people dont try to make it work and there are ways to be sahms and make it work with some hard effort. Because I believe that if a mother can be with her kids, and make herself happy about it, thats best most of the time. but if its impossible to make it work, then for some work is the best option. that is my opinion
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amother
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Thu, Feb 14 2008, 8:58 pm
| happymom wrote: | | Quote: | | Well, I don't think that it is *always* better for a child to have mom at home all of the time. You do? Bully for you. But the whole *stay at home mommy who devotes her life to the kiddies* is a 1950s myth. Back before people had dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, clothes washers, electric mixers, etc etc, women spent the vast bulk of their time keeping the home going. You're buying into the American post-war dream. |
im sorry but I find it sad that the new way of thinking has such an effect that people actually think like this now. a mothers job is to take ccare of her kids and the home according to the Torah. and if a mother does other things, thats up to her, but that doesnt take away from the fact that that is a mothers job, and imo its a beautiful wonderful thing.. |
What *new way of thinking* are you talking about? The only *new way of thinking* is that moms need to devote 24/7 to kids. From the beginning of time until the mid-20th century, women were devoting the vast majority of their time to things *other* than the kids, even if they were not employed outside of the home.
But of course taking care of kids is a wonderful job. Has anyone here suggested otherwise? (We'll agree to disagree on the taking care of the home thing. I don't buy that I'm halachically required to wash the floors.) The question is whether *all* women should be limited to that as the *only* thing that they do.
| happymom wrote: | | Its also hard for me to believe that you feel its lucky for a baby to have a babysitter. ok, a necessity I can understand. the fact that its fortunate that shes nice and loves your son, well thats great! bh you found her! but of course mother is better then a babysitter. but youll still have your opinion and ill have mine.... I just wanted to write my thoughts on what you said. |
Children are lucky when they have people in their lives who love them in an unqualified manner. They are lucky to have that in their parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles ... wherever they find it. It is a precious gift to them. My son is lucky to have that kind of love from his sitter. It's not an *either - or* thing. He gets me, he gets her. Lucky kid.
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suomynona
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Fri, Feb 15 2008, 12:51 am
| amother wrote: | | amother wrote: | | Do not defend the OP because you are not the same as her. I feel for her, because it must be agony to want to be with your kids but not be able to. You don't want to be with your kids, because you can't sacrifice a few years out of your life to do something that will be better for them. |
Well, I don't think that it is *always* better for a child to have mom at home all of the time. You do? Bully for you. But the whole *stay at home mommy who devotes her life to the kiddies* is a 1950s myth. Back before people had dishwashers, vacuum cleaners, clothes washers, electric mixers, etc etc, women spent the vast bulk of their time keeping the home going. You're buying into the American post-war dream.
In any event, no one ever said that they didn't want to be with their kids. They said that they wanted to do something IN ADDITION TO being with their kids.
| amother wrote: | | Every child deserves to have a person that they feel is there just for them, and most children want that to be mommy (and sometimes it's abba and that's ok too.) As they get older and more confident in themselves they don't need that. But your children are definitely missing out, because essentially you are saying that your own happiness is more important than their happiness, and kids know this. |
How utterly offensive. I went back to work when my child was 8 months old. My son knew then, and knows today, that I am there for him, heart and soul, 24/7. I know every one of my son's friends. I know his teachers. I review his homework with him every night. We talk about everything and anything. But he's also very lucky. I've brought another person into his life, his sitter, who is like a grandmother to him, who also loves him heart and soul.
By the way, can I assume that you're an unmarried mother to one child? Because otherwise, I cannot for the life of me figure out how your child believes that you're there *just for [him]* You would also there for your husband and other kids. If *you* can be there for a husband and more than one child, other people can be there for their kids and for a job.
One more point -- if I had a choice, I would work when the kids are young, and be home when they're teens. I think that's when they need parents more!
| amother wrote: | | If not working will throw you into a state of great depression you should not have kids. What is the point???? It just seems selfish. |
Because there is life outside of 9 to 5. |
Happymom, I think you really mean well but I really think you should stop posting in these 2 threads. YOu don't have to have the last word in a forum you shouldn't be posting in in the first place.
Posters here are saying things that make a lot of sense (like this amother and Fox) but you don't want to listen.
Ftr I am pro stay at home and against sending children to the babysitter full time, in fact, it's a subject I feel strongly about, but I think there are all different types of situations out there.
And those of you keep on saying that you're not talking about mothers who have to work for parnassah but only those who work because they want to get out of the house. Well then you might as well not bother posting because most women do work for the money, and the ones who work because they want to usually work part time.
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mimivan
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Fri, Feb 15 2008, 1:01 am
I like you alot happymom, and you know that, but I have to agree with suon....
It sounds like you may be trying to persuade us...at the same time you say you understand our situations...but your insistence really says the opposite...I think you really want us to change some facts of our lives that cannot be changed while claiming that is not what you are aiming to do...
Basically, I don't think you are going to persuade anyone to change (because there is parnassa, husbands, and bills involved, not just emotions), and I think that is in fact what you want to do in your heart of hearts. I admire your polite presentation and desire to be tolerant, but would you keep on and on and on about the superiority of breastfeeding to women who for some reason or another, (I.e. medication) were not able to breastfeed? (thanks to whoever first made that analogy)
What's the point?
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happymom
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Fri, Feb 15 2008, 4:15 am
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I am not trying to persuade anyone and my point is not being understood at all. I think I just think differently then alot of people posting here and I agree. I will stop posting here.
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suomynona
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Fri, Feb 15 2008, 4:37 am
| happymom wrote: | | I am not trying to persuade anyone and my point is not being understood at all. I think I just think differently then alot of people posting here and I agree. I will stop posting here. |
I understand perfectly what you're trying to say. I think it's you who is not understanding or doesn't want to hear what everyone is saying.
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happymom
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Fri, Feb 15 2008, 6:55 am
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I believe that what I am trying to say is not wanted here, and hard for a working mother to understand because autimatically they take it personally, and I know specific situations, and it is those that I am talking about and therefore I feel my message isnt clear here, but thats ok. I have a different way of thinking then some others (as of course everyone has thier own opinions) and I understand very well what others here are saying I just dont agree with some. but as I said before, I will not be posting my opinion anymore on the working threads because I can understand why it is not wanted.
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mom21n2
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Fri, Feb 15 2008, 7:05 am
| Mama Bear wrote: | | mom21n2 wrote: | | Mama Bear wrote: | | Most kids' bedtimes are at about 7:30 - 8:30, so between putting up supper, serving it, supervisting homework, bathtime, bedtime, trying to eat something, trying to get in five words wtih your husband, cleaning up and then collapsing on the couch, |
OP again. My job is 12 hours a day except weekends and Fridays. I don't do any of the stuff mama bear listed above.
| How do you work 12 hours a day??? Do you EVER get to see your family? If you dont do suppertime and bedtime, who does it? I'm not judging you at all, just asking... |
First of all, Yay! to 7:15am.
Second, to MamaBear, Working 12 hours a day is not easy, but I don't think I'm the only one. Am I?? Honestly, I don't feel like I ever get to see my family, which is why I started this thread. It gets overwhelming at times. Usually, I don't get home in time for supper. So my babies get theirs from their nanny and my older son gets his supper from his. I try to make sure I know what they are eating, supervise the "menu", look at the dirty dishes, the garbage, the empty baby food jars every day. I have no idea what my husband eats. Probably shawarma, which is all he ever wants anyway. On Fridays, I get takeout on J. (Actually, I love to cook and always have. Oh well.) The babies go to sleep and wake up all the time, so they don't really have a bed time. As I said before, I alternate with my dh putting older son to bed. He frequently is up quite late as a result of waiting for us, but refuses to go to bed without either me or dh. (I'm not endorsing this, it's just the way it is right now with him.) The kids are too little yet to have homework, but my parents never supervised me on my homework, so maybe it's not necessary? (don't laugh at me) The baths, nannies. Talk to husband, don't much. Eat, not usually. Couch, never anymore, except on Shabbat. Cleaning, please. Although I did shine my sink in the middle of the night the other day because the Flylady said to.
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Mama Bear
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Fri, Feb 15 2008, 7:33 am
I keep getting confused between mom21 and happymom because y ou have the same avatar.
mom21... I am not judging, just asking...
Why do you have a 12/hr a day job??? I RARELY RARELY have heard of (frum) women working that many hours. It's insane!!! Why in the world do you have to work a 48 hour week?? Your poor son - I can barely bear to read what you wrote about him not going to sleep til he sees either of you. It's so sad! What kind of work do you do? The only people I know who work 12 hour days are nurses, and they do 4 days one week and 3 days the other week. SOmeone who works part time I can understand, even 9-5 as hard as it is I can try to understand, but seriously? 12 hours? are you out of the house from 7:30 to 8:30? For your OWN sake, doesnt it feel like your just whizzing through life? I'm trying not to cry. I feel terrible for you... I feel for you.
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