I miss my babies! | Imamother

montrealmommy

Wed, Feb 13 2008, 5:59 pm

oh my goodness "amother", I think you really need to gain some perspective and manners. Your words are cut-throat and cruel. I don't know what your poitn is except to be highly offensive.

On a personal note, my children don't throw me into a great depression. I had post pardum depression, a serious and intense illness that affects and effects many women. Please do not belittle me becuase you choose to act ignorantly. Yes, that was harsh. I love my children intensly. I do not consider myslef a selfish individual for making the choices I have. I don't work for personal fulfillment (it is not my life's dream and ambition to work to pay the bills, and please don't insinuate I (or anyone) buy prada, I don't even buy frum store clothes, I buy sales rack Walmart!)

You don't want to be with your kids, because you can't sacrifice a few years out of your life to do something that will be better for them.
I never said I don't want to be with my children - that comment is completely out of context and unwarranted. Please if you must, voice an opinion, don't be mean and hateful. Who says staying at home with them until they reach school ages is what's best - you? Puh-lease, reconsider this pedastool you are placing yourself on, the higher the stool the harder the fall.

Every child deserves to have a person that they feel is there just for them, and most children want that to be mommy (and sometimes it's abba and that's ok too.)
My children not only feel but know that I am there "just for them", as is there abba, their granparents, uncles and extended family. I am very sorry for you that you live in a place where the sole provider of EVERYTHING is you. I would not want to live with out a support network. Furthermore, should you ever not be available, another child, Ch'V'SH an emergency, then you have created such a dependence that your child will feel abandoned and lost without you ,I personally don't think that is a healthy upbringing. Also, why do you feel it necessary to put down the abba's? Should Abba not be there just as much to support a child's gorwth and upbringing? Many of my friends who worked or studied after their children were born, had wonderful husbands who stayed home (or arranged their learning seder) to be with the child. I agree, children absolutely deserve and even need people who are there for them, but "just for them" so you only have 1 child? Otherwise, your comment is an impossibility that even you cannot uphold.

Lastly, my happiness is not more, or less important than that of my children and husband. Our happinesses are intertwined. When my child is sick, I hurt. When my child is excitted, I am too. I did not in any of my posts essentially say, or insinuate or outright say that my happiness is more important than theirs. Please don't twist or read too deeply, and unless you are clarvoiyant, please don't tell me what MY kids are missing, and that you conclusively know this. You sound foolish and bitter.

amother

Wed, Feb 13 2008, 6:07 pm

Quote:

agreed!! what about those of us who are working because we love it??? sure there are benefits to being a sahm, but you know what? if I were a sahm mom, id be a pretty lousy one. patience isnt one of my virtues, I need to be running, doing things, I like to get out, and when I get home, im re-energized and appreciate what I have more. if I were at home all day, I would just get frustrated and fell like theres so much I could be doing w/ my mind that I cant do at home (please dont say go read a book. I dont need the bashing. thats why I think this should be closed)....each person has to do whats best for them, but it is NOT a question of "if you have to or not." thats the problem. That mindset is the worst.

And what actually made me respond was this quote form another thread.

montrealmommy

Wed, Feb 13 2008, 6:08 pm

Wow, talk about twisting. This is a working mother's post, not a validate why you are a working mother. "Personal fulfillement" is not some objective, quantifyable thing - it's is quite presumptious to target a post for such women when you clearly have no appreciation for why women work (all reasons are valid and no, you don't have a right to criticize only some becuase you think their reason is not legit - my opinion).

I did NOT indicated that you work to give something back, because giving to your kids isn't enough. PLease go back and read all the words, with an open mind. I really find your attitude quite disturbing and most upsetting.

amother

Wed, Feb 13 2008, 6:16 pm

Quote:

it's is quite presumptious to target a post for such women when you clearly have no appreciation for why women work (all reasons are valid and no, you don't have a right to criticize only some becuase you think their reason is not legit - my opinion).

And I do know because it is my tendency to want to work and engage the world, but I stay home because I know it is better in the long run for my kids. When my kids are older they are not going to complain that "mommy was home with me too much".

I feel I have the right to criticize precisely because I can relate to the women who want to work, but I overcame it.

montrealmommy

Wed, Feb 13 2008, 6:26 pm

Why do you find it so upsetting?[b]
becuase this attitude is condiscending, utterly unhelpful, disrespectful and rude, it upsets me that people choose this "plan of action" rather than a helful, encouraging, non offensive way of airing their opinions. To emphasuze my point, "amother" who chosses to remain anonymous despite her strong beliefs she claims to be proud of added this 'lovely' comment:
[b]And I do know because it is my tendency to want to work and engage the world, but I stay home because I know it is better in the long run for my kids. When my kids are older they are not going to complain that "mommy was home with me too much".

I feel I have the right to criticize precisely because I can relate to the women who want to work, but I overcame it.

She openly says she has a right to criticuze becuase she made a choice. and she KNOWS becuase she must be all knowing and have a crystal ball to see into the futures of working mother's children to know how they turn out. It upsets me that people are so presumptious and ready to bash/attack. An opinion has every right to be voiced, but there is a proper way, time and place, and there is also the worng way, improper place and inappropriate time. I think the person who feels she is a gift to motherhood and can openly criticize the rest has opted for the wrong place (a working mother's forum), the wrong way (criticizing rather than engaging in open discussion) and the wrong time (the OP was (or seemed to be to me) venting or airing a feeling, not asking for validation.

Hope that answers your question of why it's upsetting[/b]

Mama Bear

Wed, Feb 13 2008, 9:13 pm

It would break my heart not to see my child(ren) all day. A woman who works part time while her kids are in school is one thing, but a 9-5 job? That means basically being a Shabbos Mommy. It would just break my heart.

My son is 2 1/2 and would LOVE cheder but I keep thinking to myself about all the years he will IYH spend away from me most of the day, so I'm not rushing it.

Also, I always hated working, felt so unfulfilled, was dying to be home. Now, I find I dont enjoy staying home either, because I'm a lazybones and hate housework, but if I were to work, nothing would EVER get done, for I'd be too tired when I got home.

I guess I'm lucky that being a SAHm is the normal thing to do in my community.

Marion

Thu, Feb 14 2008, 8:26 am

Ruchel wrote:

with a 9-5 job you see the kids several hours on the evening/night + shabbes + sunday.

Unless you live in Israel where it's an 8-5 job, and there is no "Sunday".

However, I am very, very lucky, as I managed to get DS#2 into a daycare in the building next to me. So 3 times a day I get to run over to nurse him (maybe even change a diaper) and snuggle for 20 minutes (including nursing time).

DS#1 is in a fabulous daycare next to where we live, he has friends from daycare who are literally our next door neighbours, and he gets lots of quality Abba time, since Abba drops him off and picks him up (except for Fridays when I get that pleasure).

I think every working mother, whether she works by choice or by financial necessity, misses her kids. Even when her job is saving her sanity. Not every woman has the patience to be a SAHM, and a child who is with a SAHM who doesn't have the temperament for it is not going to be any better off than one who is with a good babysitter.

happymom

Thu, Feb 14 2008, 11:15 am

Quote:

I think every working mother, whether she works by choice or by financial necessity, misses her kids. Even when her job is saving her sanity. Not every woman has the patience to be a SAHM, and a child who is with a SAHM who doesn't have the temperament for it is not going to be any better off than one who is with a good babysitter.
_________________

I agree. but its always about what we want. many times when a person has a certain vision of what they want for themselves and families and what thier priorities are, they can make changes that arent necessarily what they thought they would want, anc can find ways for thier personality to make it work.

Mama Bear

Thu, Feb 14 2008, 11:55 am

Ruchel wrote:

with a 9-5 job you see the kids several hours on the evening/night + shabbes + sunday.

Most kids' bedtimes are at about 7:30 - 8:30, so between putting up supper, serving it, supervisting homework, bathtime, bedtime, trying to eat something, trying to get in five words wtih your husband, cleaning up and then collapsing on the couch, how much real quality time do you get to spend with your kids during the week, esp. the little ones? hardly.

My husband gets home from work at 7 and ds's bedtime is at 9, so he gets about 2 hours a day plus shabbos. that woujld be very little time for a mother.

Ruchel

Thu, Feb 14 2008, 4:43 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

with a 9-5 job you see the kids several hours on the evening/night + shabbes + sunday.

true...