bad babysitter? or normal baby behavior?

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Bad babysitter? or normal baby behavior?

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ora_43

Sun, Feb 17 2008, 1:38 am

OK first an intro: Hi, I'm Ora, I live in Israel w/dh, dd who is one year four months old, and one on the way iy"h. I have a great job that allows me to work about 30 hours a week from home. The hours aren't flexible, but because I work early mornings and late nights I rarely need a sitter (the "minor" downside is sinking slowly into debt b/c my paycheck covers expenses but not tuition--we hope to make that up when dh graduates).

OK, so my question:
Because I work very early mornings (4:30-8 am shifts) some days, I need to hire a sitter sometimes so that I can get back to sleep for a couple of hours. I usually hire a friend who lives nearby. The good part is, I know her, she's available mornings, and I trust her not to really screw things up. The bad part is, I think she spends a lot of time on the computer instead of actively playing with dd, and whenever she's over dd spends the first few minutes crying and trying desperately to break into the bedroom Sad

. Is that normal? Dd is more affectionate with other sitters, and will even stay quietly with them when I'm asleep, but OTOH she's usually pretty affectionate with this sitter as well (just less than with others), she just really doesn't want to be alone with her. Should I be worried at all, or am I making a big deal out of completely normal baby behavior?

Ideally I would be able to put her in gan (daycare) for 2 or 3 mornings a week. Has anyone in Israel heard of a place that will take babies or toddlers only part-time? I think she'd be much more entertained, but I can't find anywhere that will take a kid for less than the full rate (paying for 8am to 3:30pm no matter what).

thanks in advance for any advice

cdawnr

Sun, Feb 17 2008, 7:52 am

I work at home and I know that from a very early age my kids HATE when I am on the computer and ignoring them...they know. SO I think maybe, if yu are paying this person, you should say something about hte computer...is that the only issue?

amother

Sun, Feb 17 2008, 7:55 am

I do not think its ok for babysitter to be on the phone or computer. its a paind job!

raizy

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 10:39 pm

that right she should not be on the computer. she should be on the floor playing with your dd. after a while dd should begin to love and look forward to her vists. if not she is not a good babysitters. and u are paying to entertain your dd .

mimivan

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 10:45 pm

ora_43 wrote:

Let's just say that I immediately crossed a babysitter off my list of potential employees when, after I discussed the routine, expectations etc...and said "any questions?"
Her first question was "Uh....will you let me use the internet?" Salut

(that's not a salute that's smacking myself in the head in disbelief.)

Find someone else!

I put my baby with a nice chassidish lady from 8 to 1...I don't know how common this is. I live in Jerusalem...pm me if interested.

GAMZu

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 12:25 am

She needs to get off the computer!!
Other than that, when I try to lock myself in my room and leave the kids with DH, they try to break down the door the first 5 minutes, too. LOL

So I don't think her trying to barge in is a sign of a bad babysitter neccessarily, but she needs to get off the comp for sure.

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 9:55 am

if your baby is crying when she comes there is your sign that to your baby she is NOT a good babysitter. u can tell from your baby, and if ure baby isnt happy.... its prob not a good situation for your baby.

ora_43

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 7:00 pm

Thanks so much for the advice Smile

.

I thought of asking her nicely if she could take dd out, that way she'd definitely be offline and I wouldn't have to confront her. But she has physical problems, so I don't think it'll work. For now I'll probably just keep looking for another arrangement.

I should clarify that I'm not 100% sure what she's doing while I sleep. I just know that the internet settings are changed when I wake up, and that when I hear her talking her voice is coming from the room w/the computer, and similar things.

This week none of my babysitters ended up actually babysitting. One called at the last minute and cancelled b/c she'd only slept 3 hours the night before...another showed up, started feeling sick, and fell asleep right as my shift started...aaugh! Then again, when I took dd to the playground some of the daycare providers seemed just plain bad--the kids had snot all over their faces, about half of them were busy eating random things out of the sandbox, etc. I just can't make up my mind what would be best. Friends babysitting, because despite the potential for awkward situations (like online friend) and the occasional no-show, at least I know them and dd knows and likes them? Professional babysitters, because while I don't know them, at least they're likely to show up each time and enjoy kids? Daycare, and just pray I get a good one, where dd will enjoy playing with the other kids and won't come home full of snot and cigarette butts? Confused

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 7:34 pm

Quote:

I thought of asking her nicely if she could take dd out, that way she'd definitely be offline and I wouldn't have to confront her.

if she has no problem going on the computer while babysitting shell prob be onbe of those types who have no prob chatting on thier cell phones/ignoring thier kid intead of watching them. I dont understand how u can leave ure kid with her if she has a sisability and isnt watching your bnaby properly cuz of comp AND your baby cries when she comes..... I dont mean to be rude at all, but why dont u just fire that babysiitter asap and not leave your dd until you find a good LOVING sitter.

bonzie

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 7:49 pm

I personally think you should t ake your babies response very seriously, I have been through so many babysitters with my daughter, and I know the good ones from the bad ones if my daughter likes them, and that doesn't mean spoling the child, but ireally see the difference in the ones she liked and didn't like, someone could be mean to your child all day, give them an ice pop right b4 you walk in and the child seems happy, but children aren't stupid they remember and are hesitant to go back, I think you should trust your child.

kitchen designer

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 8:07 pm

put a password on your computer and don't tell her what it is.

chocolate moose

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 8:14 pm

She should take the baby OUT. Maybe give her shopping to do with him.

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 9:07 pm

how can u leave your child that doesnt want to go to the babysitter with that babysitter if she doesnt like her? sorry, but I dont understand...

ora_43

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 6:04 am

She does like the babysitter, she just doesn't want to be alone with her. If the babysitter were to walk in the house dd would smile and want to play, but if the babysitter were to pick her up or I were to walk out of the room, she'd probably start crying. With other babysitters she isn't like that.

The babysitter isn't disabled to the point where she can't properly care for children, she just couldn't run around after a highly energetic child in a playground or similar area.

Like I said, I'll probably look for a new arrangement, also b/c I'd prefer she interact w/other babies if possible--I'm just not sure how to find something that I can afford that will be good for her. Some of the daycares I see make me really nervous, while some are wonderful, ditto for babysitters, so I don't know how to choose, what to look for, etc.

ora_43

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 9:16 am

Another thing--I used to babysit, and I told myself that when the time came I would be calm with babysitters, realistic expectations and all that. And now, I think my expectations are OK, but I am far more paranoid than even my most paranoid bbsitting client ever was embarrassed

. If I list all the people I would trust with dd, I've known all of them for at least a year, and most are family. I know that in the long run it's not reasonable, and I'll have to leave her with a relative stranger (a stranger with references, but still), but I find it very difficult. So it's hard for me to look for a new babysitter even if the new sitter would be playful and take dd out, etc, b/c at least I know that this current sitter isn't psychotic/abusive/on drugs/ an organ dealer.

Mirabelle

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 11:48 am

It's very normal for your baby to be attached to you.
It's a sign that you bonded properly!
My DD sometimes kvetches when I drop her off at her "nursery school" (its a class for 1 and 2 year olds), but I know she has a good time there and does well.

happymom

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 7:27 pm

ora, that is very good that u feel that way! there is not need to be embarrassed. it IS reasonable. You are talking about your CHILD. when I need a babysitter, I also only have babysitters that I know and trust very well. But, what u mentioned doesnt sound like the best situation.... u can get to know a new person and see if u can learn to trust them, and if your daughter is happy with them. u can even get a camera and put it in your house the first day to see what the sitter is like when u arent there. my sister did that and was so happy about what she saw, it was a huge reassurence... I think its better for a baysitter to have tonz of energy, love kids, and be able to take the kid out and have fun with them..

Fri, Mar 14 2008, 10:23 am

do people do childminding at home in ur area?
b/c then ur dd will be with other children an u mentioned u wud like her to have the social interaction as well.

when u try out a new babysitter ask her to come the hour b4 u need 2 sleep and after ur daughter is relaxed with her stay in a different room an listen out to whats going on with the babysitter.

At the moment I work from home a few mornings a week an the babysitter comes to me with her 18m old child an she sits on the floor with her kid an my son (8m) an I pop my head round the door every so often to keep an eye on things but if the weather is nice she will take them 2 the park which is gr8. so BH its really working out great 4 now.

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