Help, a [gentile] colleague wants to visit on Purim!

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MahPitom

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:34 pm

Because he and his girlfriend are coming to town, and they know me virtually for many years. They heard so much about the Jewish traditions and holidays, and he ‘happens’ to be coming for Purim weekend. How does one deal with wine in front of a [gentile], and a not tznius woman when making Kiddush?

Thank you for your help in advance, this kind of ‘kiruv’ never came up in my life before! Please help me make a Kiddush Hashem.

cassandra

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:36 pm

Is he staying for Shabbos? Or do you make kiddush on Purim?

mimivan

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:36 pm

You should have mevushal wine to be on the safe side. I don't know the answer to your second question.

Are they Persian, by any chance? LOL

MahPitom

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:37 pm

good old american non jews.

Purplehair

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:39 pm

I would say, just make a Kiddush (Hashem)! Invite them in, be nice, don't stare at the woman when making kiddush. Finished.

MahPitom

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:40 pm

I know how to behave LOL I just want to know the halachas, and some general pointers form those who’ve been there before. ;P

Purplehair

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:44 pm

MahPitom wrote:

I know how to behave LOL I just want to know the halachas, and some general pointers form those who’ve been there before. ;P

Sorry, I didn't mean to be pedantic. (On this forum, you never know).
I don't have halachot beyond having the mevushal wine..but you knew that already. Oh, lets not forget the classic "Consult your LOR". Wink

Are they looking to be mekarev? Or are they just coming over cause you're a nice person that they would really like to meet in person?

MahPitom

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:46 pm

We’ve been working with the internet together for 11 years, I think we deserve to meet! It will be a fun day, because of purim so I’m glad, but nervous!

Purplehair

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:50 pm

MahPitom wrote:

We’ve been working with the internet together for 11 years, I think we deserve to meet! It will be a fun day, because of purim so I’m glad, but nervous!

Don't worry so much. You seem very sweet, so just be yourself and everything will be fine. (Just don't bring out that buggy icon. I thought it was cute, but don't know how your company would take it. Smile

)

MahPitom

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 8:53 pm

Nah, it won’t bug them.

Mama Bear

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 9:13 pm

How about telling them it's a very busy holiday and your family will be on the run all day and you'll take a raincheck? Idont see how you can be busy with something like that on purim.

chocolate moose

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 9:17 pm

I wouldn't see them then. But ask a rov, just in case.

amother

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 9:19 pm

The non-Jews I know would get a real kick out of coming over on such a fun holiday. I think they'll have a good time. I can't answer about the wine, but I wouldn't worry about how she dresses. Just enjoy the visit.

chocolate moose

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 9:25 pm

But it's not about what the non Jews think. Purim is aobut the mitzvos of the day.

mimivan

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 9:27 pm

Yeah, so many non jews think of us frum Jews as being staid and strict (one co-worker compared us to Puritans...well, she'd never heard of a chassidishe farbrengan obviously...and one guy I was working with in NY asked when I said I had to go home and cook for Shabbat "cook for the Sabbath? Don't you people have to fast? I mean, you aren't even allowed to turn on a light, why would you be allowed to eat? Rolling Laughter

)

So anyway, it may be a breathe of fresh air for them to see the fun side of being Jewish...it could be a kiddush haShem

(but as always, ask your LOR before taking my reckless advice on issues like this!)

mimivan

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 9:28 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

But it's not about what the non Jews think. Purim is aobut the mitzvos of the day.

But they said they are coming...the invitation wasn't initiated by OP...

daisy

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 10:30 pm

Hopefully she won't be that untznius in this weather. bRRR

louche

Wed, Feb 20 2008, 11:15 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

How about telling them it's a very busy holiday and your family will be on the run all day and you'll take a raincheck? .

That's what I would do, and avoid the problem entirely.

drumjj

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 2:34 am

its a great opportunity to make a kiddush hashem. why are u scared of having non jewish ppl at ur table. ive had non jewish ppl at my shabbos table before and they usually act with respect to whatever u do and find the whole process really interesting

mamacita

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 3:05 am

Since they aren't Jewish you shouldn't be too worried about asking her to dress modestly. I have found non-Jews much, much more willing to do that without feeling insulted, etc. You can always play up the quaint customs bit, hehe. Or have a wrap/sweater ready to cover her so your dh can make kiddush, I'm sure it's "chilly" right? <<wink>>

Prob best to also explain that they shouldn't bring anything, don't want them to go to the trouble, yadda yadda.

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