Does the easy life exist?

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 4:32 pm

Just wondering if there are people that feel like they have an easy life..does it even exist? I know "Adam Lamal Yulad" but are there people out there that have happy childhoods, easy time with shidduchim, get pregnant easily and have happy marriage and healthy children and no parnassa worries..? When I look around I think that everyone really has their own "pekel" (bag of worries or problems if you will). It's scary to think about it. What will life bring me? And I'm young yet have had quite a few difficulties already.

shoy18

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 4:54 pm

the grass will always be greener on the other side, doesn't matter who you are, where you are, or what you are. NO ONE HAS IT ALL!

gigi

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:02 pm

a lot of life is how you look at it..
is your glass half full..
or half empty?

chocolate moose

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:02 pm

Well ........... yes and no.

shalhevet

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:03 pm

And who says that's good? I find those sort of people often 'create' their own problems rather than appreciating all they have. You know, the sort who kvetch how difficult it is to have workmen in putting in their new kitchen, or how they have spent hours looking for The Dress for their cousin's wedding.

I was in shidduchim for a while, didn't get pregnant immediately (although I dearly wanted to), and in hindsight, I just feel it has made me thank Hashem for all I do have.

gigi

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:07 pm

and everyone has their moods..
I have the greatest life ever!
I love my life and everything Hashem has given me.
but..
sometimes....
being housebound.. all freezing winter..
and sleep deprivation..
can act as very effective blinders. Sad

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:15 pm

I am actually living the life that you describe. Good childhood, engaged to the first guy I met, a baby a year later, b"h no money worries so I don't have to work, and a wonderful marriage. I am not the type of person that Shalhevet describes. I seriously can't think of any problems in my life, besides for my messy house. Wink

But I appreciate every minute of it because I know and realize that chas v'sholom anything can happen at any minute. Both my husband and I thank G-d every day for our life, and we pray that nothing ever destroy it. We help as many people as we can, be it financially or otherwise, because we want to be able to 'deserve' this life.

So it does exist. And for those who have it, the only thing to do is pray and help other people.

(anonymous for obvious reasons.)

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:22 pm

Amother above-- I was exactly like you.

And I kept thinking something has to happen, because life is too good.

Then something did happen, and it wasn't as scary as I thought. Stressful yes, but because everything else in our life is in place we can deal with it . And you know what? I still love my life and wouldn't want anyone else's.

I really think it has a lot to do with attitude, and I think Shalhevet is right. So many people with seemingly perfect existences are miserable for no good reason, and there are people with problems who think they have a good life. Amother, I'm sure you have problems (albeit minor) that could cause someone else to fall apart. The fact that you are happy is a credit to you as much as it is to your circumstances.

shalhevet

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:28 pm

I would add that in my experience happiness has almost nothing to do with how many problems you do/ don't have.

There are those with (what other people would consider) plenty of problems, who constantly thank Hashem for what they have and have a smile on their face.

And others, with seemingly perfect lives, who get annoyed over minor things.

Two people can have the same income; one always sees how others can afford things they can't; and the other sees how lucky they are in comparison to those worse off than them.

It is all a matter of attitude and perspective.

gigi

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:29 pm

shalhevet wrote:

It is all a matter of attitude and perspective.

I believe that!

Maya

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:34 pm

shalhevet wrote:

I would add that in my experience happiness has almost nothing to do with how many problems you do/ don't have.

gigi

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 5:41 pm

ah yes.. but then you would have to define what is considered a "difficult" life.
although I guess it would vary depending on the person.. and what they can cope with..
hmmm..

bigdeal

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 6:05 pm

HAPPINESS...iS NOT dependant on outside factors, it is solely dependant on the INSIDE- Look at how many people seem to have "everything " going for them... and still- dont seem happy. Why? because they feel unfulfilled, or discontent. And how many have so little- but seem so happy?
Because....
Happiness comes from the heart ( cheesy but true)

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 6:40 pm

NOPE!! I think everyone has their "something." To answer the things you referred to:

Happy childhood-im sure people would say "poor little rich girl" if they just saw the surface...but I had health issues, there were family issues, etc.

easy time w/ shidduchim- I think is relative. first of all, my family is very secretive w/ the dating. so most people didnt know I was even going out till a few months before I got engaged to my husband....but little did they know, id been dating, been dumped over and over, numerous times, for nearly 2 years....

easy x getting pregannt - in our neighborhood, it goes "both ways" there are very yeshivish who dont use bc, and more modern who would use bc before a first kid. well, im sure people just "judged" and assumed we were of the "modern" contingency....and were just waiting....but 1.5 years wasnt waiting, it was wanting and davening and trying and lots and lots of worrying...

no parnassah worries - all I can say, is marbeh nesachim, marbeh daygos. people dont realize this, and im sure people who DONT have are thinking, yeah, sure, again "poor little rich girl!" B"h Ive never not had what I wanted or needed when it comes to material things. All I can say, is that that is not all there is to life, and if you are b'h blessed with money, you realize that very very easily. cars, clothes, trips, etc-all nice, but all so temporary. like little distractions. im not complaining that I have them, im just saying trust me, people with money dont necessarily all have "the life"

we defenitely have our pekelach too!

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 6:47 pm

Maya wrote:

You are absolutely right. But I think that the issue discussed here is not happiness, but an easy life. Some people can be living a difficult life, but still be happy; others can be living an easy life, and be unhappy.[/quote]
im the same amother that just posted. I didnt see this but id just like to say how much I agree. its not about what you have, its about your attitude, emunah, perspective in life, about understanding that everything is G-d given, appreciating what you have, knowing what you dont have, what you really desire sometimes but is out of your reach, is just NOT WHAT HASHEM WANTS FOR YOU. and when I say that, im talking to myself just as much as anyone else!! my point is I think its about attitude, more than what you have....

Maya

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 6:57 pm

All the things that you wrote were only about what people saw, not about how it actually was. The topic here is if people actually have good lives, and the answer is yes.

bashinda

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 8:29 pm

but it isn't if people have good lives but "easy" lives.

easy doesn't always == good.

chocolate moose

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 9:02 pm

Sometimes my life is easier than others - but no matter what, for just about everybody, in another month or so, with Pesach upon us, almost no one is going to say they have an easy life !!!!

louche

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 9:39 pm

shalhevet wrote:

people often 'create' their own problems rather than appreciating all they have. You know, the sort who kvetch how difficult it is to have workmen in putting in their new kitchen, or how they have spent hours looking for The Dress for their cousin's wedding.

LOL! As my mother would say, we should all have such problems! but you know, pirkei avos says "Marbeh nechasim marbeh daagah", so let's not waste our energy envying them. And as my sister would say "Who would want to be that rich? You'd have to worry about people kidnapping your kids for ransom."

louche

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 12:02 am

chocolate moose wrote:

Sometimes my life is easier than others - but no matter what, for just about everybody, in another month or so, with Pesach upon us, almost no one is going to say they have an easy life !!!!

Which gives me the perfect opening--I was going to start a thread about how grateful I am for all the things I don't have.

We live in a small but spacious apartment. Small in square footage but spacious because I declutter ruthlessly. Going through household management books, I laugh and laugh at all the things I don't have to do. Consider these tidbits from the FlyLady book:

1. Empty dishwasher. I don't have one, I have two, one at the end of each of each arm, B"H. No need to empty them--they empty themselves automatically when the last dish is done.

2. Feed dog, cat, birds, squirrels...ain't got any of those, and the "critters" I do have are now old enough to feed themselves. plus they can all eat the same food and I don't have to have different chow for each species. and I don't have to walk them twice a day no matter what the weather, or empty out their litter box, either.

3. clean out car and check fluids. Ha! No car to clean, no fluids to leak. no registration to renew or inspection to pass.

4. for every area of the house she details anywhere from 8 to 16 cleaning tasks, including the dining room, front porch, back porch, family room, children's bathroom, extra bedroom, office, laundry room--and she doesn't even mention garage, basement, attic or shed. I don't have any of those, hee, hee!! just one bathroom, a kitchen that isn't quite big enough for all of us to eat in it at the same time unless one of us is standing up--which isn't a problem b/c the kids all have the habit of eating while standing up. our living room is a magic room that also serves as our shabbos dining room, guest bedroom and computer room.

I have no carpets to shampoo. No fireplace to clean, no magazine rack to empty, no coffee table to straighten out. No lawn to mow, no leaves to rake, no swimming pool to winterize. No basement steps to climb and no basement to flood when it rains.

Our mezuzah checking expenses are low because we don't have that many mezuzahs. I once saw an article about a family that had something like 62 mezuzahs! Even if every room had 4 entrances, that would still mean they had--what? 15 rooms? and they only had 4 kids. Now who would want to have to clean a house that big for Pesach? even if you hire a service to do the big work, some things like cleaning out pockets and purses you have to do yourself. and no one is going to be able to declutter for you. either--you have to do that yourself, too. even a 20-room house can get cluttered to the rafters if you allow it.

All my clothes, current and out of season, fit in my closet and drawers. Not because the storage space is lavish, but because I don't have that many clothes and most of them can be worn year-round.

Getting dressed is a cinch. I have half a dozen skirts and tops for work, and enough underwear to get through the week without having to wash in the middle. You won't find me standing in front of the open closet door dithering over what shall I wear! it takes about 15 seconds to decide, and that only because it takes 10 seconds to listen to the weather forecast.

I don't worry about my expensive jewelry being stolen because I don't have any expensive jewelry. I don't have to take my furs to and from cold storage because I don't have any furs.

being a person of slender means and thick ankles, I can be quite confident that dh married me for love of my own self and not for my money, and that my employer hired me for my merit and not for my looks. (which doesn't stop me from having a sign over my desk saying "What do you mean, you expect me to work? I was hired for my looks!" You can only get away with that if you're ordinary-looking, LOL. ) plus, when your looks are not your main asset, you don't feel nearly as bad when they start to fade, as they inevitably will. who wants to be known as the 'once-beautiful Miss Whoever"? Look at how they bad-mouth poor Liz Taylor.

Come this time of year, I am so happy to be able to cross out half the places listed in R' blumenkrantz's pesach book that you have to check for chometz! dh has a colleague who has a commercial 12-burner stove with 2 ovens. I thought, boy would I love to have a stove like that, I could do all my Pesach cooking in one day. then I realized that if I had a stove like that, I'd first have to clean that stove for pesach! On second thought, I think I'll keep my own dinky little 4-burner model. It's not even a self-cleaning, and I'll admit cleaning the oven for Pesach is one of the jobs I hate most in the whole wide world. I'd rather iron a 140-inch-long linen banquet cloth (something I don't actually own, thank G-d) or plunger a clogged toilet (a plunger, I do have. It's not something you really want to have to depend on the super for.) But you know what? my friend had a self-cleaning oven which started a fire and burned down her entire kitchen. So maybe my scrub-it-yourself oven is not such a bad thing after all.