Does the easy life exist?

amother

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 9:17 pm

CM, that is what a hotel is for. People go away for Peasach. Also about the 12 burner stove you clean it and buy separate pieces for Peasach.

traveler

Thu, Feb 21 2008, 9:47 pm

Quote:

CM, that is what a hotel is for. People go away for Peasach. Also about the 12 burner stove you clean it and buy separate pieces for Peasach.

Don't make them feel bad, they are being optimistic and seeing the best in their life. That's the point of this thread, some make life easier and some make it harder. If you spend all Pesach thinking about the Jonses at the hotel of course you'll be miserable. Embrace what you have, and remember we all have our problems.

suomynona

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 12:03 am

I never understood why people say that happiness isn't dependant on external things. Many times it is. Of course you can have the exception where the poor widow with no family is happier than the mother of many children and grandchildren who doesn't have to worry about money, but it's much more likely that the first person will be sad and who can blame her? Are we going to say it's all in the attitude?

When I was single and having a hard time with shidduchim and I hated my job, I was much more unhappy than I am now married with a family. According to what you're all saying, since I was unhappy then, it's all in the attitude so now I should be finding things to be unhappy about.

Actually when I left my job that I hated, people told me I would still be unhappy and it wouldn't help. Well, guess what? I was MUCH happier. Just to disprove all of you who like to use cliches Smile

amother

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 12:36 am

I think yoiu have a point suom

I was having really serious shalom bayis problems and trusted friends told me...no it isn't the parnassa problem...he would be insulting no matter how much you two would bring in.

Well, guess what. Now that he is working we hardly fight...(or maybe it is because he gets out of the house too often. We might have been on top of each other before)

I know money doesn't buy love, but some men just can't be comfortable in poverty, no matter how ambitious their spiritual pursuits. The same way some people just cannot feel stable when there is a mess...

I notice I get angry less when the house is organized...External reason? Maybe...

hila

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 1:26 am

Easy is relative.

Looking back - I have it "easy" now in a physical sense.
No tiny kids under my feet, and no diapers to changeany more (or yet if you count grandchildren)

But I did my years with 4 tinies and not enough money and a h who did not work.

I did my sleepless nights and worrying about the health etc

Now BH I have different worries (son in the army, duaghter who drives, and is in Ashkelon, Sderot etc.., older mother)

But life is good. BH for health ! Money you never have enough - just work hard , and trust hashem that somehow we will make weddings barmitva etc .

I see the bright side. I love my life . ( Dont like my job but it pays well)
and beH I will have the strength and health to enjoy it.

Easy ??? Easy sonds boring to me LOL

red sea

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 4:46 am

louche wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

Sometimes my life is easier than others - but no matter what, for just about everybody, in another month or so, with Pesach upon us, almost no one is going to say they have an easy life !!!!

Which gives me the perfect opening--I was going to start a thread about how grateful I am for all the things I don't have.

We live in a small but spacious apartment. Small in square footage but spacious because I declutter ruthlessly. Going through household management books, I laugh and laugh at all the things I don't have to do. Consider these tidbits from the FlyLady book:

1. Empty dishwasher. I don't have one, I have two, one at the end of each of each arm, B"H. No need to empty them--they empty themselves automatically when the last dish is done.

2. Feed dog, cat, birds, squirrels...ain't got any of those, and the "critters" I do have are now old enough to feed themselves. plus they can all eat the same food and I don't have to have different chow for each species. and I don't have to walk them twice a day no matter what the weather, or empty out their litter box, either.

3. clean out car and check fluids. Ha! No car to clean, no fluids to leak. no registration to renew or inspection to pass.

4. for every area of the house she details anywhere from 8 to 16 cleaning tasks, including the dining room, front porch, back porch, family room, children's bathroom, extra bedroom, office, laundry room--and she doesn't even mention garage, basement, attic or shed. I don't have any of those, hee, hee!! just one bathroom, a kitchen that isn't quite big enough for all of us to eat in it at the same time unless one of us is standing up--which isn't a problem b/c the kids all have the habit of eating while standing up. our living room is a magic room that also serves as our shabbos dining room, guest bedroom and computer room.

I have no carpets to shampoo. No fireplace to clean, no magazine rack to empty, no coffee table to straighten out. No lawn to mow, no leaves to rake, no swimming pool to winterize. No basement steps to climb and no basement to flood when it rains.

Our mezuzah checking expenses are low because we don't have that many mezuzahs. I once saw an article about a family that had something like 62 mezuzahs! Even if every room had 4 entrances, that would still mean they had--what? 15 rooms? and they only had 4 kids. Now who would want to have to clean a house that big for Pesach? even if you hire a service to do the big work, some things like cleaning out pockets and purses you have to do yourself. and no one is going to be able to declutter for you. either--you have to do that yourself, too. even a 20-room house can get cluttered to the rafters if you allow it.

All my clothes, current and out of season, fit in my closet and drawers. Not because the storage space is lavish, but because I don't have that many clothes and most of them can be worn year-round.

Getting dressed is a cinch. I have half a dozen skirts and tops for work, and enough underwear to get through the week without having to wash in the middle. You won't find me standing in front of the open closet door dithering over what shall I wear! it takes about 15 seconds to decide, and that only because it takes 10 seconds to listen to the weather forecast.

I don't worry about my expensive jewelry being stolen because I don't have any expensive jewelry. I don't have to take my furs to and from cold storage because I don't have any furs.

being a person of slender means and thick ankles, I can be quite confident that dh married me for love of my own self and not for my money, and that my employer hired me for my merit and not for my looks. (which doesn't stop me from having a sign over my desk saying "What do you mean, you expect me to work? I was hired for my looks!" You can only get away with that if you're ordinary-looking, LOL. ) plus, when your looks are not your main asset, you don't feel nearly as bad when they start to fade, as they inevitably will. who wants to be known as the 'once-beautiful Miss Whoever"? Look at how they bad-mouth poor Liz Taylor.

Come this time of year, I am so happy to be able to cross out half the places listed in R' blumenkrantz's pesach book that you have to check for chometz! dh has a colleague who has a commercial 12-burner stove with 2 ovens. I thought, boy would I love to have a stove like that, I could do all my Pesach cooking in one day. then I realized that if I had a stove like that, I'd first have to clean that stove for pesach! On second thought, I think I'll keep my own dinky little 4-burner model. It's not even a self-cleaning, and I'll admit cleaning the oven for Pesach is one of the jobs I hate most in the whole wide world. I'd rather iron a 140-inch-long linen banquet cloth (something I don't actually own, thank G-d) or plunger a clogged toilet (a plunger, I do have. It's not something you really want to have to depend on the super for.) But you know what? my friend had a self-cleaning oven which started a fire and burned down her entire kitchen. So maybe my scrub-it-yourself oven is not such a bad thing after all.

louche - five stars for this post!! if you wrote that (cuz its really really good practically like its quoted) , I want it published, it cannot be wasted. if you need a place to publish it I will help.

Ruchel

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:01 am

Easy life is having a rav that holds Pessach cleaning is just a regular cleaning where chometz can be, and tell you NOT to tire yourself over doing more. Really. LOL

amother

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:08 am

Maya wrote:

All the things that you wrote were only about what people saw, not about how it actually was. The topic here is if people actually have good lives, and the answer is yes.

no but im just saying, no matter what it looks like on the surface, I think everyone has their pekelach in life. whether theyre dirt poor or filthy rich or anywhere in between...marriage vs being single - both have "difficulties." infertility is hard, but so is child-rearing...not being able to pay rent=hard, having money that came from an inheritance that people are all fighting about and siblings dont talk, major family fights etc, but can pay all your bills-also would be emotionally trying. some people might have it "good" right now, like for example, B"H B"H B"H, right now, where I am in life, I am B"H so happy, pg w/ #2 after a bit of trying, where we want to be living, happy w/ my job, wonderful husband, etc. But just 1 year ago, things were not as "good," I just was good at hiding problems! my young DH had health issues that were very scary, I was having a hard time getting pregnant, I was missing alot of work and was terrified of losing my job...etc. So all I was saying was that a) people who "look" like they have it all might not, b) its determined by the persons attitude, not what they have or dont have, and c) life can change from minute to minute, and I really dont think there are that many people who go thru life....no problems....no issues....etc.....maybe for a little while, you have a good "period" but like yosefs dream, its back and 4th the 7 good are followed by 7 bad, famine then feast, etc etc. life has ups and downs

in like elementary school, I learned that you should ALWAYS think "gam zeh yaavor" in bad AND GOOD times. in bad - think, this will pass, it will get better, I wont always be down like this, but in good, its even more imp 2 remember, guess what! dont be so high on yourself! whether you like it or not, this too shall pass! so thank hashem for this amazing gift (whatever it is) that Hes bestowed upon you, take advantage, appreciate the "present," because things might change in the future.

shalhevet

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:49 am

louche, I loved your post!

anuta

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 5:53 am

Yes, many people have good lives. Its all about the attitude. Two people can be in identical situation, and if you ask one, she can complain and complain, and the other will be happy with everything!

amother

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 6:28 am

Every summer I spend a few Shabbosim in a place upstate where the people look like they define "easy" life. Young, Flatbushy families, two beautiful homes, luxury homes, designer clothes, a bunch of kids. Have tons of money because they either work for their rich daddies, were put up in a new business (real estate, ,etc.) by their rich daddies, or just live of their rich daddies money.

But the one common thing that amazes me most about these people is how unhappy they look. Nobody smiles, except maybe to their friends. The mothers look exasperated when they see their kids (if the something happens that the nanny can't handle or if the kid just wants mommy) and they have to stop tanning at the pool/reading a magazine on the deck/napping. They have such an easy life, but as a group they look miserable!!!

Basically my point is that you can have the easy life, but it doesn't mean anything if you don't appreciate it!!!!!!

amother

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 6:31 am

shoy18 wrote:

the grass will always be greener on the other side, doesn't matter who you are, where you are, or what you are. NO ONE HAS IT ALL!

Not that it helps to dwell on it, there ARE some people who have few MAJOR problems. Major problems can't get hidden all that easily.

cassandra

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 6:44 am

suomynona wrote:

You went from happy to unhappy because you used your mind to assess your situation and make changes. Some people are unhappy because that is their nature, and they would resign themselves to a job they hate rather than picking themselves up to find one that's better. Nobody is going to be happy with everything in their life, but it is a matter of walking around saying "my life is terrible and difficult" versus saying "I appreciate a,b,c and I'd like to work in x,y,z."

There are many studies on happiness and money. People who are living below the poverty level are unhappy, but those who live just above the poverty level (defined by the study) are just as happy as people who have a lot of money. Happiness does not increase just because you make more money!

I have single friends. Of course they are all unhappy that they are single. But some of them sit around lamenting their singlehood, and some of them are doing INCREDIBLE things with their lives that they couldn't do if they were married. It is a matter of perspective.

Quote:

Maybe you are happier on some level, but the fact that your husband insults you when he is under stress about money is not a good thing, it is an issue in your marriage that is being covered by the fact that you don't have money problems now. If you were to have money problems again, how would your marriage be? I would not feel happy in a marriage where I wasn't sure if my husband would treat me well based on external circumstances. But maybe that's just me.

chocolate moose

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 7:17 am

I was taught that if you re careful about Kashrus, you DON'T go away for Pesach. What other ppl do is their own business, but that's how we were taught, and that' show we hold.

At any rate, even if you have separate grates etc for Pesach, the main appliance still has to be cleaned, remember.

louche

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 7:32 am

chocolate moose wrote:

At any rate, even if you have separate grates etc for Pesach, the main appliance still has to be cleaned, remember.

Right. and the grates are easy-shmeezy to clean. It's everything else that's a pain in the back (literally).

Last edited by louche on Fri, Feb 22 2008, 7:35 am; edited 1 time in total

chocolate moose

Fri, Feb 22 2008, 7:34 am

Ours are not that easy to clean. I wanted to buy new ones last year but couldn't spare the $100. Maybe this year .....

freidasima

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 12:05 pm

Agreed about grates...I wanted extra ones but we could only afford two out of four...so two get cleaned and aluminum foiled and the other two are normal pesach ones...last year we splurged and got an extra pesach rack for the oven though and so I can finally roast a chicken and not just pot one.

As for happiness, it's not just attitude, it's also the amount of strength you have. Some people just don't have the strength for various trials and tribulations that others can take in stride. If you are not a strong person - and that's not an insult, just a fact, some have stamina, others don't, some have strong nerves, others are highly strung, some are naturally calm, others are nervous and all the behavior therapy in the world can change how you act, but after age 25, rarely how you react in the gut - then it's just harder for you to cope in life.

And what makes a calm, strong nerved person full of stamina and able to function like a superwoman on four hours of sleep a night? Mazel. Hashem's throw of the dice when he handed out human characteristics.

And you need mazel in general. In terms of parnosseh, etc. I have a friend who is a nervous type and a mutual girlfriend of ours one time said to her in my presence that she would be nervous if she would be a fish monger and people didn't buy enough of her fish that day...had nothing to do with her choice of jobs or what her dh brings in...it's her personality...

My husband keeps telling me we have to learn to "go with the flow". Easier said than done when I can't sleep nights worrying about my mother's and mother in law's health, my children's health, my husband's health, the state of the country, this son in miluim, this son in the army, this son in law in miluim etc. and yes, I "envy" those people I see who seem to have it easy...Baruch Hashem, there is nothing that I feel I lack, and small things make me happy....but sometimes I think that a lot of people reach the same stage (not in terms of monetary possessions, but in terms of calm) a lot faster and a lot easeir than it took us to reach that stage.

But that's life.

girlchick

Sat, Feb 23 2008, 4:37 pm

Of course some people have easier lives than others. I have a friend who doesn't work, has a husband who works hard (but no harder than most people) and makes a huge income, has children who are calm and do their homework with no complaints, plenty of household help and a gorgeous new home. Yes, she has some issues and everything isn't perfect, but she's much better able to handle life's ups and downs because she has no financial worries and easy children.

I think that for many of us on this site, an easing of financial worry would make us happier. Yes, of course, some people will be sour no matter how easy their lives are, but that doesn't mean that for those of us who do tend to "look on the bright side", we couldn't be happier still if we had less to worry about.

flowerpower

Sun, Feb 24 2008, 5:00 pm

the answer is noooooooooo! theres no such a thing. what seems like a golden life to u isnt a golden life to them,, believe me, the rich can have peer pressure, the one with kids can go through ppd.....u never know what goes on in the other persons life

Maya

Sun, Feb 24 2008, 6:10 pm

sleepless-n-ny wrote:

Are you absolutely certain? It doesn't occur to you that there are actually relatively rich people who appreciate their blessings and dont' worry about peer pressure and such? I still maitain the some people do have easy lives. It's not all in the attitude.