to work or to stay at home?????

amother

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 6:12 am

ok, I am in need of ppl's opinions. here is my question / situation:

ive been working for most of my marriage and it all has been ok. I have been able to do house work and work and my husband was able to help me (not a lot but to the best of his ability - he was not working full time - now he is).
I am BH pregnant and am finding that working out of the house and then coming home and having to do house work is VERY tiring. my husbnad also BH found a full time job so he is exhausted when he comes home from work, understandably.

so, we have had countless discussions / arguments about the house and the housework and how we can try to fix the situation. I keep on telling him that if I quit my job I could most definitely keep the house how I really want to keep it b/c then I will have all day to keep it that way and do all the laundry etc.
he keeps on telling me that it is my choice, whether I should quit or not. I really do not know what I should do.

on the one hand, the money that I am making is helping (its not much but it is a help I am sure) on the other hand, I would actually rather be at home and be a stay at home wife (I guess you call it that till I become a mother).

anyone have an opinion or advice?

amother

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 7:37 am

Tamiri wrote:

If you can manage financially, try and see if you can stand being home. Personally, I love it but not every woman enjoys being at home all the time.
If you are home the house will get messier, especially if you have kids home with you. My friends who work come home to the house exactly as they left it. If they left it neat the night before, it's neat the next afternoon.

right now I dont have any children at home so that would not be the issue at all.
I know that I would like being at home and I do think that financially we would be ok without me working.

Tamiri

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 7:43 am

So I will share with you: it's very very hard to be home all alone with just a baby. You need a group of friends who are like you to share your time with or you will go out of your mind. These days, with everyone (practically) out there working, life at home can be a very lonely thing.
You should try it for a while. After the baby IYH you will probably be quite busy with him/her and won't notice that you are all alone, for the first 2-3 months. After that... you will probably want to get out, talk to people etc.
In my experience, being able to stay home is a learned skill these days, and not something that comes naturally in our high pressured lives.

amother

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 8:09 am

Tamiri wrote:

I am sure that it is a hard thing to be home with just a baby, but that is not what I am really asking here. I was asking if ppl thought it made sense to quit work so that I could feel like my house was more in order and I would be able to get more done at home. this was talking about even before I IYH gave birith.

as far as being at home and being lonely and a lot of women working, I dont really care about other women, I want to do what I know will be correct for our baby here.

amother

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 8:18 am

Tamiri wrote:

It's really up to you, whether you like being home and using your time to keep it neat and clean, do laundry shopping and cooking etc. I like it, but most women around me think I am crazy. embarrassed

well, I dont think that you are crazy. I will tell you a secret about myself (since I am anonymous anyway) most of my life I wanted to be a stay at home wife / mother and so maybe I really should just go for it and see if it works for me. that way when I do IYH give birth, I will hopefully have some idea of what it is like to be at home all the time.

Tamiri

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 8:29 am

amother wrote:

Tamiri wrote:

Well, I also wanted that, even though I didn't know it. I was forced back to work when my first baby was under 6 months old and I have never quite gotten over it. My own mother was home till the youngest started 1st grade. I like that there is someone in the house (me), that there is always clean laundry and clean beds and orderly shopping done. I like that no appointment is too difficult to keep. I like that my husband doesn't have to waste his time doing things that I enjoy and can do easily since I am home. I like that I can always keep a sick kid home from school. I like that I am free to go out and do things with my sister. or meet friends (that doesn't happen very often in Israel). I like that we are always ready and not rushed for Shabbat. But I don't make any money doing this.

amother

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 9:27 am

Tamiri wrote:

amother wrote:

Tamiri wrote:

OP here: the main reason why I wanted to make sure that I would be at home once I had children really did not have anything to do with laundry etc. I watched a baby about 4 years ago and the parents worked VERY long hours and when they came home the child was falling on the floor to go to sleep but they always told me to keep him awake for them to see him before he was asleep. and there were other things that I really thought were crazy parenting things that I saw in that family (not going to go into them) and right then I realized that when I married I would want to be able to stay at home with children so that no babysitter is bringing up my child. I mean, this family that I watched their son, I saw him take his first step before his parents did and it made me very sad to know that.

supermommy

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 9:56 pm

Staying at home is great if you could pull through financially. I did that while my kids were babies and would do it again if I'm able with the next ones. I got to savor every milestone, go shopping at leisure, take a nap if I had a bad night, do laundry, polish silver....
Now my kids are in school so I work (from home) but work is work and I don't get to clean. I live for thursdays when my cleaning lady comes. I'm also home when my kids come home. I love watching them grow. But if you chose to stay home remember that the cleaning never ends since you are continually making a mess.
Then of course you could work from home....

mimivan

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 10:07 pm

supermommy wrote:

But for many work at home jobs, she would still need childcare when the baby comes...and for most of those kinds of jobs, she will not get maternity leave or other benefits.

(not to be a wet blanket, it is just that I am a WAHM and I and other prospective WAHMs thought that working at home would lead to a trouble-free existence...I think it is the best option, but it ain't for free!)

amother

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 10:24 pm

if you can afford it, stay at home. Stay home mom is exhausting but extremely rewarding. Its not easy, but nothing worth while is easy. Give it a try. You can always go back to work if you think the stay home mom thing is not for you. I personallly wouldnt think of doing anything else. But you should find other stay home moms in your neighborhood to connect with because you will find you need adult conversation.

Mama Bear

Sun, Mar 16 2008, 10:27 pm

1. you might be mroe tired once your baby is here since you sleep less, but you'll deff. have more energy because you wont be dragging around a load.

2. I think staying home with a baby is the best decision a mother can make, but you have to be the type. Will you be organized? Or will you sit around in pj's online til noon? How will you get your socializing, and how will you prevent your brain from turning into mush from doing nothing intellectual? Think about all the aspects, not everyone is made out of the maternial to be a good balabuste, while others thrive on it.

I'd say, first - quit your job. Say goodbye to it, enjoy the first few delicious months of running your home, pressure free, not having to be out of the house by 8:30 a.m. Then, when the baby is ab it older and you realize youre getting antsy from repetitious housework, or your finances are tight, you can try to find part time work or work from home.

Just my two cents.

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 8:43 am

OP here: thank you to all you women about writting about being stay at home mothers. that was not my question. I know I want to do that and I know that I am going to do that, there is no question.

my question was now, while I am pregnant, does anyone think that it makes any sense to quit my job so that I can run my home better? I am dragging all of the time and I find that after I come home from work I just have no strength to do any house work at all.