Pre-teen with major drama-queen issues

MahPitom

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 6:04 pm

How do you deal with a girl who is not a teenager yet, but every word that comes out of my mouth is matched with a stampede, a whole body quacking noise making,. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww ahmmmm heyyyyyyyyyyyy the noises are drilling a hole in my head. currently, the way I’m dealing with it is pretending she made no noise at all.

Let’s say, I’ll tell her “did you brush your teeth” ? and she’ll stamp off to brush her tooth, making these dramatic noises like she’s a martyr heading off to the slaughterhouse.

I remember doing the same thing to my mother and she did NOT figure out how to deal with it. H E L P ! ! !

greenfire

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 7:01 pm

don't let her get your goat ...

simply say what you need to factually - not emotionally - or you will be playing her game ... and careful with the raging hormones that come in at 11 if you're lucky (some pms sooner Twisted Evil

) - hm do they end at 20 ... not in my book ... how long must I wait ...

just remember - it's part of growing up ... so they say ... What

MahPitom

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 7:17 pm

Okay I just repeated twice “please pick up all the Purim costumes from the floor, fold them, and put them back in the box”. This is after having fun for two hours, don’t you think it’s time to pick them up? she’s still out there pouting.

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 8:28 pm

MahPitom, Do you think it's payback since you acted that way to your mother?? I was a terrible teenager!!! My mother would always tell me that my kids are gonna be just like me. I'm soooo scared of her "curse". My 3 yr old is already acting up and I just can't deal with her!
(I made peace with my mom after having my first baby. She really DOES care!)

MahPitom

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 8:30 pm

Well no,. I’ll tell you why. It only makes sense that she has my nature but I don’t believe in payback. Nobody deserves what I did! Okay that came out wrong… well anyway, all the cursing from my mother… I refuse to accept this as payback so I therefore I’m not believing in it, okay ? Enough with this nonsense!

morahaviva

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 11:48 pm

I'm in the same boat. Today she hates me cause I told her that maybe we could bake hamantashen tonight, depending on when I got home from taking her brother to exchange a pair of pants that were too small. Got home too late, said we would try to do it tomorrow I HATE YOU YOU PROMISED>>> EVERYONE ALWAYS LIES TO ME - when you find the cure, put me on the list!!

Fox

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 12:06 am

This all sounds so familiar! It's nice to know I'm not the only mother who gasp! requires occasional participation in the household.

Personally, I was a door-slammer in my youth. My hair didn't turn out right? Slam! My favorite skirt was dirty? Slam! My payback occurred after the birth of my first child. After being up all night with the baby, I'd finally get to sleep around 6 a.m., ready to relish the couple of hours before I had to go to work . . . Slam! Our downstairs neighbors had a teenager whose hair apparently didn't turn out right, either, and she would loosen the foundations of the apartment building each morning. I suppose I could have said something, but I figured the mother had enough to cope with, and anyway, I had it coming!

mimivan

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 12:27 am

Yes, I remember this well...

I think girls act like drama queens if they feel like their feelings are being ignored...obviously it is an attention getting thing.

So give them a little attention...but don't draw attention to their behavior.

Reflect back her feelings "I know you don't like being told to brush your teeth. I wanted to remind you." Or "Yes, that's annoying when it happens."

Reminds me of the joke about the 12 year old girl who was a drama queen. Her exasperated mother asked her why she had to be a drama queen all the time.
The girl said "It is your fault"
"My fault, why?"
"Because of all those times I was having tempers tantrums when I was little and you told me to go to my room and not to come out until I could learn how to act!"
LOL

hila

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 3:34 am

I have lived through 3 teenagers, and my youngest is about to turn 13 (boy) and is already a teenager in his actions.
My now 17 year old told me I had "ruined her life" plenty of times. Hoever she has survived ruin, and even though we now disagree occasionally I lived through it. My hair is a lot grayer though. And I am sure that she is the cause of that.

The only comfort is that they do grow out of it. Their hormones get in sync at some point, and they turn in to adults (ok sort of)

Since my parents were of teh opinion that my BT-ing was a phase I was going through, I guess they felt I never left teenagerhood. Must ask myu mother about that one. I too gave tehm a run for their money and I guess it is a sort of payback.

I keep assuring myself that one day they will leave home . It has not happened yet Smile

Hang in there

MahPitom

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 9:32 am

I can hardly believe that this is hormonally related because it’s consistent. Anything I ask or remind (Do you have any homework today?) (please take your sister out of the bath) will result in a flare up. If it’s hormones, I have something that can help her (safflower oil and vitamin E – helps me till today) but I don’t think that’s the issue. I think it’s a level of audacity that she has no acquired and is experimenting on me.

happymom

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 10:30 am

u can have a talk with her. ask her to come into your room where noone else is... and tell her what u are seeing.. (that when u ask her certain things she has a certain reaction) and ask her WHY. ask her things like "how are u feeling inside? does it bother u when I ask u certain question? is there a different way ud like things to be done that ud feel happier.... and make sure to give her a big hug and tell her u love her no matter what.....

goodluck....

open loving communciation is always best Wink

cindy324

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 11:50 am

Quote:

My hair didn't turn out right? Slam! My favorite skirt was dirty? Slam!

Oh man, that's my almost 13 yr. old, and this had been going on for about 2 years now. And that sense of entitlement... Exploding anger

She can touch and use anybody's stuff, but heaven help you if you touch HER stuff! She's my first, so I have 2 more following behind her...I will NOT survive! Of course it's never her fault that she didn't bother hanging up her skirt, but instead opted to chuck it on her bed, from there it slipped under the bed, so now her skirt is filthy and wrinkled, but it's NOT HER FAULT!

And the hair thing...not only does she slam the door , she'll slam down the brush, start over, stamp her feet if it's not perfect again....oyy, it's like watching a video of my teen years Wink

hila

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 12:51 pm

greentiger wrote:

Ahhh heaven help me!!!! How DO you guys cope?? Why oh why didn't I have a boy????

Maybe they will have found a cure by the time your little sweetie (who is only a few weeks old as fara as I remember) is a teenager. Smile

Anyway you have teh terrible twos to get though first ! "NO" and "DONT WANT"

hee hee ....btdt

yo'ma

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 12:56 pm

B'h only one girl and the rest are boys. I've always heard girls are easier than boys when they're younger, but once they start getting older, the boys are easier.
I know someone who has k"h 10 boys, no girls and they help out as if it was a house full of girls. Two of them are married now and they both only have girls..go figure.

Akeres Habayis

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 2:17 pm

forgive me everyone but I am laughing my head off!!my oldest dd is 20,and she still does it (in a diff aspect)sorry mimivan,they will tune u out,while u are asking or u will get a lot of Rolling Eyes

or sighing.
I cant remember who already mentioned it,to have a talk w/her just the two of u.set a time and get a babysitter,for the rest of the kids.
I would take her out to eat,drink something like that.
1. what's going on in her life(school,friends,and home contribute to the "attitude)
2.ask her what do she think she can do,bc the fact is u do depend on her bc she is responsible and old enough to understand things better than the other children(this makes them feel responsible,and realize that she is one of the oldest)
3.I learned in a shiur once never ask them to do something bc they have the right to say no,bc u asked,which is a yes or no answer.if u feel they need to do something,say it,dont ask.if u feel u want to ask them and they say no,then u need to ask them when do they feel they can do the chore?if they say they dont know,say u must give me a time of when u will be able to do it.always say thank u I appreciate it after they did it.
never tell them u will do something and don't, THEY REMEMBER(as u know mahpitom)make it a priority the same way u made getting the pants for your son/daughter.
at 20,the problems are more complicated but I guess u can wait for the info about that LOL

Fox

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 2:43 pm

There's a certain age range, depending on the child, where parents can't win:

If you try to show a lot of attention, you're smothering them.

If you leave them alone, you're ignoring them.

If you say you'll "try" to accommodate some request and add fifty conditions and "b'li neders" to it, they only remember the alleged "promise". If you protect yourself by saying "no" right off the bat, you're not taking their requests seriously.

Of course, if they say they'll do something, you should remind them. But if you had reminded them, you're nagging.

I don't think it's "hormonal" in the sense of an imbalance or cycle-related. There's evidence in neuroscience that teenagers' brains are actually physically changing in ways that make them act . . . well, crazy and impossible. I think it has something to do with myelination, but don't quote me on that.

The consensus seems to be to keep them safe and healthy until they mature. I realize scientists are interested in all this because they can learn more about how the brain works; I just wish they'd spend some time to come up with a non-addictive sedative to give the mothers who have to cope with it!