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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Question about boys (teenage/low twenties....)
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amother


 

Post Mon, Apr 28 2008, 9:54 pm
I don't know where else to ask this without being embarrassed. and this post is completely honest so please don't lock it.

is there a medical condition that can cause erections for no reason or are they always related to s*xual touch/thoughts etc. If anyone has heard of soem medical condition please let mek now -otherwise it will lead me to believe that a relative of mine has been behaving inappropriately around kids. Please this is not a joke, so answer honestly.
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 28 2008, 9:58 pm
Why would having an erecti0n mean he was acting inappropriately?
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Helani




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 28 2008, 10:01 pm
I believe at least in teenagers they can just happen without any real reason-it's a normal physiological process.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Apr 28 2008, 10:02 pm
well that is my question I guess...would it be normal to have an erecti0n when playing with kids on your lap? does that mean he has "issues" with likeing children or could he perhaps have a medical issue that causes these erections. (its not the only time I've seen him with it, other times also fopr no aparent reason)
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 28 2008, 10:18 pm
It's a perfectly normal physiological response to the stimulation of movement and pressure in the area and most likely has nothing to do with the young man's proclivities. You may want to advise him, or have his doctor or rebbe advise him, to avoid playing with kids in his lap. He can give them pickaback rides instead.

You know, at that age they're full of raging hormones and it takes very little--and sometimes nothing at all, or nothing more than a stray thought completely unrelated to what's going on around them-- to set them off. Ask any HS history/math/vocabulary teacher.

However, if you have any OTHER reasons to be suspicious--like something the little ones said, or did, or if he seems to insist that the kids sit and squirm in his lap, or if he seems to be spending an unusual amount of time with the kids in his lap, then you should investigate further.
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Tehilla




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 28 2008, 10:22 pm
nice post louche.
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 28 2008, 10:52 pm
I kind of think it's inappropriate that you would notice that.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 6:14 am
need for toilets can cause that, according to my biology books, although it's generally happening in the morning... Now I must say like Crayon, how did you see it??
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 9:55 am
Crayon210 wrote:
I kind of think it's inappropriate that you would notice that.


why? pointing and laughing would be inappropriate, but noticing? it's hard to miss if it happens a lot, and a mother should be vigilant when it comes to her children's safety.
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 9:59 am
I definitely understand being vigilant about safety (though I don't think this has anything to do with safety), and I still find it inappropriate and odd that someone would notice. It's not usually noticeable unless you're looking. Confused And how do you think THAT boy's mother feels that a woman is noticing her son that way? Confused
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 10:15 am
I have no idea and I'm loahte to ask ds. if you really need me to, I'll figure out something ....
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 11:28 am
Crayon210 wrote:
And how do you think THAT boy's mother feels that a woman is noticing her son that way? Confused


Let's not allow misplaced modesty to get in the way of safeguarding our kids. It seems to me that if OP is noticing, it must be a pretty obvious thing and must be happening pretty often. You're right, she could be a pervert herself, geting her jollies from ogling teenage boys' zippers, but if so, why would she be concerned that the subject of her fascination was a pervert? And why raise the issue here?

However, now that I reread the original post, OP may be THAT boy's mother herself. She says she fears that a relative of hers may be acting inappropriately around kids. I initially assumed that she meant her brother/bil, nephew or cousin may be molesting her kids, but on rereading, she could mean she fears her own son is doing the molesting.
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 12:12 pm
My point wasn't misplaced modesty, it was just trying to put things into perspective.

I really do not think it's normal to notice boys or young men (or anyone, really) in that particular way.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 12:26 pm
I would hope he doesn't see he's looked at there, because it must be noticeable!
I'm also wondering how you can really know if he's fully clothed, because I doubt he's wearing those trendy extra tight pants... and even then I'm not sure you see.

I wonder if this thread isn't there to make a point about reporting pedophiles or something
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 12:40 pm
OP here and no I'm not a pervert, and yes its obvious as some guessed, its not tight clothing but its still kinda hard to miss. it happens often and I happened to notice he had some children in his lap (too old for the normal lap age) and my dh and I think this guy is way too touchy and when he stood up I noticed it. I wasn't looking but when I saw that I was very concerned -in general he is too touchy with older kids in his lap, asks if his little nephews can sleep in his bed..he truly seems to like kids..but seeing that raised a red flag in my opinion. and the heck with what his mother feels (no I am not his mother obviously) in regards to other woman looking at her son in that area if he is inappropriately getting "off" on other children we need to protect the children, I'm not saying he's a pedaphile, but I don't know that's why I was asking -like I said this was an honest post to see if this could have been caused by something else before I start bringing it up as an issue.
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 12:43 pm
I think that the touchiness and asking for kids to sleep in his bed is enough of a reason to raise the issue. I do not think that the other issue you raised necessarily means anything one way or the other. And I do not understand why you would wait for the confirmation about the erecti0n issue.

(You missed my point about his mother.)
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amother


 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 12:44 pm
op here again. in the above post I mentioned I wasn't looking, but on second thought, I may have subconsciously checked since I had worries abt him to begin with and I saw him having the kids in his lap and I don't think I consciously looked for it but perhaps it was subconscious- and no I don't think it was perverted of me...I was suspicious he was "enjoying" the kids on his lap so maybe I was "checking" subconsciously.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 12:45 pm
Normal lap age: being an only child and grandchild I have no idea what is appropriate for that. But I have noticed some quite big "kids" sitting or having someone sitting on lap (think 15, 18, 20, 25... Rolling Eyes ).
Too touchy and the bed thing: Red flags, I agree, unless he's a bit "behind" and has a "kid" mentality - which would explain why he loves younger children and is a lot around them.
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Mrs. XYZ




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 12:46 pm
According to your last post, I cant imagine why you would think it might be a medical condition.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 29 2008, 12:47 pm
What do the younger kids say about him? are they male or female? if female, you have a good way to make it stop, saying they're too old halachically.


I must say I am concerned by the high number of threads about similar topics these days.
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