is it tacky/wrong to ask whether I can bring my girls?

Tehilla

Thu, May 08 2008, 7:04 pm

chaylizi wrote:

Tehilla wrote:

we had people ask if kids could come. I wasn't offended at all.

it's one thing to ask. it is something completely different to assume.

sorry, I think I missed something...OP did say she wanted to ask, and that's what I was responding to. I think.

Isramom8

Mon, May 12 2008, 3:16 pm

$50, $100, $150 a plate for a bas mitzvah?!

The fanciest hall we considered for a bar mitzvah charged $22 a plate here in Israel - and we decided it was way too expensive. We make yeshivishe simchos but not bare bones.

I can't see us spending more than $30 a plate even for a chassuna.

We have attended fancy simchas where the cost per plate must have been $70.

Raisin

Mon, May 12 2008, 3:24 pm

Isramom8 wrote:

If they can afford to spend that much on a bas mitzva, they can afford to have another 2 guests!

But, I wouldn't ask.

Strawberry

Mon, May 12 2008, 3:26 pm

Isramom8 wrote:

Making a simcha in israel is a fraction of the price of a simcha in chul.

I wouldnt ask. I know your situation is not at all like mine but I think it is rude.

A very distant relative was invited to my sons pidyon haben(because my grandmother asked me to invite them and she was flying in for the event).So these people who I never saw in my life called the day before the pidyon haben and asked if they could bring 4 of their kids. I said no since I already gave a final count to the caterer, couldnt afford the extra meals and really didnt want 4 kids that I didnt know to run around and be wild. Well the next day they showed up....with 7 kids shock

. Of all the nerve! Yes they sent a check a month later but still.....

morahaviva

Mon, May 12 2008, 3:56 pm

We recently made a BM, and I felt that ppl put me on the spot so much, btw my MIL asking if she could invite X,Y, Z and my parents inviting their own XYZ, it got really out of hand - I couldnt say no to ppl and we are still in debt bc of it. If someone wants to invite the kids, they write "and family" or the kids names on the invite - otherwise, they dont want to invite them - either for logistical, financial, or social reasons!!

chaylizi

Mon, May 12 2008, 4:01 pm

morahaviva wrote:

imho bar mitzvah is not an abbreviatable word. but I would seriously have a cow if my parents & inlaws did that to me.

dmmama

Mon, Jun 30 2008, 6:07 pm

I think it depends how you phrase it - if you say "Is it OK to bring my girls?" you are putting her on the spot, and she might find it hard to say no. If you say something like "Thanks so much for the invitation. I was a little confused if it was meant for just me & dh, or if you intended the girls too" it gives her more room to comfortably say, "Well, I had originally intended it to be just you".

It is hard, b/c on the one hand, you don't want to embarrass her, but on the other hand, maybe she really DID mean to invite them. This happened with a friend at my wedding. The mom called and asked if the kids could come, b/c they would be hurt... well, I had specifically put the name of each of the 3 kids on the envelope, so they would know they were welcome! I don't know what happenned, but I am glad she called b/c if she didn't, the kids would have been hurt to think they were not included, and we would have felt sad (and possibly snubbed) that they didn't come.

morahaviva

Mon, Jun 30 2008, 7:17 pm

sunshine! wrote:

Just for interests sake BM is usually an abbreviation of Bowel movement... I am sure you didn't mean that.... shock

Sorry - major wrist pain -trying to type the minimum.

amother

Tue, Jul 01 2008, 9:32 pm

Raisin wrote:

If they can afford to spend that much on a bas mitzva, they can afford to have another 2 guests!

I think that's a rather unfair assumption. Perhaps some people can afford to make nicer/ more expensive simchas specifically because they have limited their guest list. Their simcha, their money, their business. Nobody knows what other people can and cannot afford.

To OP, I would not ask to bring your children along. I do think it's rather tacky when they were not named on the invitation.