WWYD?? | Imamother

miriamnechama

Wed, Jun 11 2008, 3:45 pm

I'm not sure if any of you are familliar with this.

ds1's rebbe is marrying off a daughter, I thin it may also be the first chasuna he's making.

anyways he gave out to teh whole class an individual invitation, addressed to teh boy and parents.

well ds was so excited tah the came home saying, I'm taking off and coming home early, so I can get ready for teh chasuna, then I'll be at teh chasuna all night, (it's a chasidishe wedding with mitzva tanz) and I'll eat at teh seuda dance andteh next day stay home cus I'll be tired and teh rebbe won't be in...

actually he's been talking about thissince elul... when they got engaed,

ok, so I spoke to one ofteh parents and we both thought that there is something starnge here.

I remember in london, when a teacher got married we went for teh chuppa and taht was it, that's how my sister, and 2 nieces did, when they got married too.

so I spoke to teh mefakeach, toa sk advice, and he's like no no getting out early, no vacation the following day, and teh boys cannot travel alone to yerushayim from beitar, but must be accompanied by an adult and jenerally the kids don't come for teh seuda, but come to say mazal tov, ok can dance have a piece of cake and taht's it.. so ds told me that teh rebbe said taht tehy can't go for teh seuda, but he'll give them some kinda treat each.

ds then went on to say that he'll eat all teh cakes. I triedtoexplain tah weddings are not cheap and he can't just take what he wants... he's a bit naive,when I bought hima nice cake back from teh hotel he was like.. oh teh hotel gave it for free?? I said no this time someone traeted mummy out and she paid ie nothing is for free.

he's very excited but on teh other hand I don't want it to get outof hand,

1, whne should I take him and how long should he stay?? 2 is it proper to bring a gift or money what's done here in israel ie what would you do??

btw I'm sure glad he has this one, cus I have another 3 chasuna's all in sivan that I don't plan to take him to.. so I can enjoy myself

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this was originally in teh israel section, but I decided to take it to the main forum. so I just got back from the chasuna, and I feel like I mamash just did it for ds1.

we missed the chuppa, so I got there with a bunch of boys as they were starting teh meal. I took 6 other boys with. in teh meantime the rebbe did set tehm a table and gave them to eat. and my ds2's rebbe was one of teh singers. it really was beautiful and heimish.

well back at teh women's side I felt really stupid, I didn't know anyone, all teh tables weretaken, and I didn't know if I should sit down to eat.... he did give invitations but I'm not sure if he expected teh parents to sit down to eat... he has a large familly. so afterwalking around, I finally went to a bakery to get my self something to eat. (the bar was empty and they only put a bit of kugel out at teh end) ( being this is an israeli wedding) finally I just sat in a chair in one of the corners basically doing nothing staring into space.

what would you have done?? I didn't really enjoy it but well I did it just for ds's sake.

over teh next 3 weeks I have at least 3 chasunas that I'll be able to enjoy without the kids so that'll make it up.

Fox

Wed, Jun 11 2008, 5:00 pm

You handled it perfectly. Simchas are not about us; they're about other people. My kids have gone to a number of chassunahs over the years for teachers, substitute teachers, playground monitors, and everyone in between. Like your son, they often build up the experience in advance to ridiculous proportions, but they never seem disappointed! It's a good lesson in how to approach a simcha.

Yasher koach on spending your evening to provide the boys with such great memories. I remember once stopping on the way to get take-out food and a magazine for myself. After giving everyone a hearty mazel tov (and seeing them all wonder who on earth I was related to), I went to the car and had my dinner while the kids enjoyed themselves.

Just one suggestion: make sure that all the mommies get a chance to perform this wonderful mitzvah! We don't want you to get an unjustified rep as a wedding crasher!

morahaviva

Wed, Jun 11 2008, 11:43 pm

My kids have been to their morahs/ rebbes weddings or their childrens. We always carpool the older kids, and take turns watching the younger ones - I for one dont want my child or their classmates ruining someones wedding because there is no adult supervision (yes, the supervision has to be the same gender as the children attending). We usually bring them for the kabbalas ponim and the chuppah, then the kids hang around OUTSIDE THE DINING AREA until the first dance (unless it is a chassidish wedding - they take forever to come out!) then they go home and go to bed!! They never take a seat, but its acceptable for them to eat something at the kabbalas panim.
Hope this helps!!