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Overprotective father



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amother


 

Post Mon, Jun 16 2008, 11:30 pm
My dh is very protective of our children, I know it is all coming from love and care but sometimes it can get really frustrating. My oldest is now at the stage that they have playdates without their mothers there, today she is really excited as her friend is coming to play by us after nursery, I will collect them and then her mother will pick her up 1 1/2 hours later. Dh is happy that she has her friend coming over and told her that he will bring them ices as a treat. When I mentioned that this girl's mother invited her to come to her house next week, he said that there is no way that his daughter will play at another kid's house without me there and he doesn't care if all the parents in the world do it, he has to protect his daughter. I know that he is worried about older boys being there, but we know this family and the only brother she has is a baby of one year, and her father is at work at this time.
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ShiningThrough




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 17 2008, 12:32 am
Hmmm...
A few ideas:
If you think your DH is more than just protective but OVERprotective, maybe the safest, most non-confrontational way to help him see his views in relation to others' is by bringing up the topic when you're together with (adult, parenting) friends. Maybe at a Shabbos table or at the park or some other pleasant and neutral place.

Do you know enough about his past to understand where he's coming from on this issue? Is this maybe a reaction to some event/s in his past where he was either overprotected himself or the opposite, felt unsafe or unprotected? Because if so, his feelings would be understandable and normal for him, but for him to go the extreme with his kids would just pass on his 'package' to them... can you encourage him to look for a balanced, healthy stand on this, without trying to overcompensate for whatever reason he has for being this way? (Sorry, getting psychological here...) But maybe if you present it to him this way he'll become aware that a healthy balance is what's best for his kids. Especially if you can validate his feelings and experience at the same time... while trying to encourage a healthy norm.

Also, if you and other mothers feel right about the age your kids are to start these playdates, and it seems the norm in your community, maybe this is your moment to respectfully step in and say, "You know, I disagree, and I think we could let DD try it. She seems ready and interested. If it would make you more comfortable, I can check in with her friend's mother a couple times while DD is there, for the first few dates."

Or at least ask him what/when he feels is an acceptable time/age for your kids to enjoy the social interaction and the learning opportunities of kiddie playdates. Don't let him expect to be limiting indefinitely.

Please keep us posted~ Good luck!
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Pizza




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 17 2008, 12:41 am
Shining, I think you are totally on the mark
OP, you gotta work this one thru with dh
Lots of luck! Our kids will mature into adults with issues / 'packages' despite us - but that doesnt exempt us from doing our best.
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 17 2008, 9:56 am
amother wrote:
My oldest is now at the stage that they have playdates without their mothers there


How old is she?
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