bored | Imamother

chavs

Sat, Nov 26 2005, 7:48 pm

I was wondering what other ppl get there day to go with.
I am not on shlichus, but dont live in an area with a lot of young ppl my age or shiurim or babiegroups etc etc (I am also not the type to start a shiur- I am really shy), and my family lives in another country. My dh works and I b-H have the yummiest 3 month old baby but he is not a good conversationalist and during the day I am very bored. When I was pregnant I had to be on bedrest and began to get movies, but I feel (and felt) bad about it. Its not the exact environment I want my son to grow up in but on the other hand it keeps me sane, on the other hand its expensive, and part of me wants to get tv. I really dont lknow what to do, I feel very torn, between boredom(and when Iam bored I get depressed and really easily anoyed), and what I want for my home(ie chinuch al taharas hakoidesh).
Any advice would be great!

BrachaVHatzlocha

Sat, Nov 26 2005, 8:30 pm

best to keep the TV out of the house, in my opinion.
what are your talents and interests? maybe write a book or articles, learn to play a musical instrument, read some good books, visit museums...find one mother at home who you can arrange "play dates" with...even if the kids are just sleeping next to each other, you have someone to shmooze with.
good luck!

chevymum

Sat, Nov 26 2005, 9:39 pm

I am sorry you seem to be feeling so alone. Maybe if you don't have a hobby you can start one.
Maybe you can find a mommy and me class ... I am sure you have looked but maybe spread your search a little further out.... instead of a 5 mile radius maybe look at a 20 mile radius (I am assuming you can travel).
Good Luck.

happyone

Sat, Nov 26 2005, 9:53 pm

I would look into getting a job for a few hours a day. Most babies do well at a babysitter for a few hours.
You would feel good about doing something you like, meet with other people, make some friends, have some spending money to shop on your days off etc...
I would keep the TV out of the house if I were you. eventually you get bored of that too.
Is there a hobby you enjoy? do you enjoy music, art or baking. take a course, or try getting a degree online, if you enjoy studying.
good luck,

Smile

tzivi

Sat, Nov 26 2005, 10:01 pm

Either get a job out of the house or maybe even start a small business in the home, either on the internet or just at home.

DEFINITELY keep the tv out of your home!

Pm me whenever you feel like chatting. If you have msn or the like, you can get in touch with me or many others on this forum. Smile

willow

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 2:26 am

Definietly not a good idea to get a t.v. I know so many ppl in that situation (myself included, but B'H not anymore) that did that when they were bored and it's so so unhealthy to be watching all the time (emotionally and spiritually). Definitley try to make friends and make it your goal to get out of the house everyday for at least an hour. You will feel so much better about yourself.

chavs

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 3:33 am

Thank you for replying.
Getting a job is out of the question, as I would never leave my baby with a babysitter on a daily basis.
Regarding hobbies, I paint, but there is a limit to how many times a week I could paint, and how long time in a day.
As I wrote there are NO baby groups, I dont drive so I cant go that much further.(Even if there were baby gorups I dont think it would happen more then once a week).
I dont live in America, I would rather not write where I live for anonimity.
Cooking and cleaning is no offence not going to not keep me from being bored, and there is a limit to how much I can do it.

The point is that I cant leave the house that easily because of my son, and I dont want to leave him.

If anyone still has any ideas, I would appriciate it.

hisorerus

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 3:53 am

Get a digital camera and improve your photography skills by practicing on the cutest baby in the world! (Not counting mine, of course.)

Or...

- Experiment with complicated recipes
- Put on a lively tape for 1/2 hour and dance with your baby (much better workout than dancing alone)
- Start Pesach cleaning
- Join www.flylady.net and make your house spotless on a regular basis
- Volunteer as a Chavrusa - http://jnet.org/volunteer.asp
- Get addicted to Imamother Very Happy

chavs

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 5:36 am

The chavrusa idea is a good idea, I doubt its going to keep me busy all day every day, bu it is a good start.
I dont really like cleaning, Iactually find it boring, it wouldnt keep me busy.
thank you for replying.
hat does everyone do on anEVERY day basis

Rivka

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 6:38 am

Maybe you can do a course. Over here there is Open University which is getting a degree from the comfort of your own home, you never go into University so you can be with your baby and with the time you have when you get bored you can do your course.
U keep in touch with other people on the course and with your mentor online.
it's deffinately harder than getting a degree at proper Uni and you need self motivation. But you can do it at home.
Open Uni is for degrees, but maybe there is something else that could be for other skills such as what someone mentioned Photography.
It's very interesting and maybe even find somewhere where you can go in once a week to learn the art.
Go to the gym is another option. Great for getting back in shape, great for boosting your energy and making you feel good and also not only helps you shift those pounds, but also those hours in the day.

BrachaVHatzlocha

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 7:50 am

I work. If you're really bored, it may be a good idea to get a part time job. You don't even have to get one that will leave your baby on a daily basis. If you're working in a daycare, you can take him along. Or get something for 1-2x a week.
I like the dancing idea. Smile

It may be better for your baby to be with a sitter than getting a mother who so bored and frustrated, if it makes your irritable, etc.

red sea

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 9:02 am

When I had just one baby I used to take him along to the gym every afternoon, it was great to socialize and get into great shape at once.
Also, maybe volunteering when its good for you is a good way to get out, see pple, and take your baby along.

happymom

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 9:26 am

first of all chaves it makes me really happy when I hear mothers say that while their babies are little they will not get a job as a solution to having a hard time at home Smile

I feel the same, I also wouldn't leave my baby. So far, I have been at home for 9 months. at the beginning it was really hard, and still is sometimes but there are many ways in which you and your baby can be happy, at home.

IS there a way when your husband comes home you can go to the gym for a break... with a friend???? Even if not, im sure you would make friends....

-Get a walking partner and go for walks in the morning
-do you have an old age home near you? Its a great feeling to visit -people and make them happy! They love babies:)
-Invite people over for lunch/dinner
-is there a parents place in your area? check online for a place like that where (all jewish..) parents get together with their babies. im sure you can make many new friends that way and even teach some about yiddishkeit!!
-do you enjoy reading? get some good books that you can read during your babies naps.

I don't agree that having a tv even if your baby doesn't see it is ok! That is very hypricritical. The fact that you have bad feelings about it is your neshama telling you it doesn't want it!!! If you ignore those feeling, eventually you will become immune and the bad feeling will go away, which isn't good.... pm me if you would like to talk more about being a sahm:)

leahj

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 9:49 am

I had a tv for a while - my excuse was my husband was out of town a lot so I needed the company.... I would stay up all night watching home and garden tv - not the worst thing, but it was a waste of time and my mind and I would go to bed late and be miserable to my kids.... the best thing was getting rid of it! Now to keep busy I read a lot - good for my mind, good for my kids (I read some books on parenting) and I get tired when reading at night and go to bed at a decent hour.

I stay home with my kids, and to keep busy I find making a plan for the day helps. Have you tried writing - a journal, notes of what your baby does, goals, a childrens book - maybe you could even illustrate it. Go for walks or a nearby park if you can.

Hope this helps

timeout

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 10:14 am

I'm in a similar situation I do have some firends but everybody B'H is very busy with there own kids, cleaning, shopping and everything else it takes to keep our houses runing smoothly.

I think the worst part of staying (and I do love staying home!) is that there are some days I don't get out, when it's very cold or pouring rain.

My husband leaves at 8AM and doesn't get home till 7-8PM it wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't exausted which he usually is.

I do have a T.V. with Tivo so I hardly watch. Nothing to do with letting my baby see it or not it just bores me, my husband is a sports fanatic and watches all games mostly baseball for me I have my 3 things I watch mostly old black and white movies (I don't think I'm wasteing my time!

There are no mothers groups that I know of in my neighborhood and I started to go to a shiur on Wednesday, but it's very far.

BlumaG

Sun, Nov 27 2005, 3:21 pm

I lived in a place iwth noone frum my age with kids for 6 months, my daughter was 4-9 months, we went to the store, library, walk, different store etc., I had different things for e/ day, made dinner, naps etc, get books, take longer than movies use more imagination