If u saw s/o picture, would u ignore them based on looks?

Beauty and the Beast

Mon, Jul 21 2008, 10:25 am

suppose you become friendly with someone here on Imamother, ( or just know her fromhere) and then you see a picture of her, or meet her, and she looks like a person whom you would never even get a chance to know, because you never meet people like her. Would you judge her on her looks, or on her charachter?

I am asking this because I always wonder if people think like this, or if they see a picture of me and think, omg, that's her?????????

try to be as honest as you can be!

Aidelmom

Mon, Jul 21 2008, 10:31 am

lol I see anon posting is disabled for this forum. Hm I don't know how many people will reply!

On a side note Its definitly easy to judge people by their avatars. I get confused though when two different people have the same ones.

Ruchel

Mon, Jul 21 2008, 10:39 am

For friendship?? I think looks are totally, fully, irrelevant. If it's not about looks but hashkafa deduced by the clothing, well if we got along online despite these hashkafa differences, why should it be any different irl?

(on contrary I'm often interested in people from very different background, out of curiosity and to learn new things)

HooRYou

Mon, Jul 21 2008, 10:46 am

I am not one of the popular posters here and when I went to our local meet everyone said they were surprised with how I look. I think if anything I am more popular now, but it might just be because people got to know me instead of an anonymous person.

red sea

Mon, Jul 21 2008, 10:46 am

I think thats one of the most important lessons you can learn online. You get to click with people based on who they really are & then if it so happens that you meet them irl & think wow I woulda never even given/had a chance with her if people get judged by looks.

Starhavah

Mon, Jul 21 2008, 10:53 am

what an interesting question. It would never have occurred to me to judge by looks but as Ruchel says we all judge haskafa by mode of dress. This is actually a really scary thing for me since I just agreed to meet my first Imamother in real life and I am terrified that she will run back to Imamother and tell everyone all kinds of ways I do not measure up and they will kick me off the board. I know this is not going to happen, but it is my fear.

I also find it confusing when people use the same avatar. That one of the reasons I do not have one yet. I want something unique.

Star Havah

Beauty and the Beast

Mon, Jul 21 2008, 10:57 am

red sea wrote:

exactly my thoughts when posting this question! I am so glad I got to know women whom I would never have a chance to meet!

flowerpower

Mon, Jul 21 2008, 11:15 am

Beauty and the Beast wrote:

red sea wrote:

exactly my thoughts when posting this question! I am so glad I got to know women whom I would never have a chance to meet!

That's right. I was going to post that. I think here you meet personalities first and then when you meet the person you don't consider the looks that much as you would without knowing them first.

Apple pie

Mon, Jul 21 2008, 3:58 pm

I will jump in and admit that looks do play a role in the "attraction" I will feel for an unknown woman showing up for the first time at shul or at an event.

I don’t mean if she’s beautiful or not, but depending on her expression, the vibes she gives, if she has a spark, I will be more or less interested to start a conversation.

Which is why it’s great to have also forum “relationships” because here, you can discover people just from their writing skills or the way they convey their thoughts and feeling in words. Which many times would come out very differently IRL.

zufriedene

Fri, Jul 25 2008, 11:14 am

coming from a small knit chasidic community I never get a chance to have discussions with ppl with different views than my self or even dress differently /
I meet them on the buses at the mikve but dont strike a conversation.
This is a great oppurtunity to mingle with jewish women from all walks of life.
I love every minute of it, and hope I'm contributing to others at least as much as ive grown here.

octopus

Fri, Jul 25 2008, 11:39 am

I don't judge ppl based on their "looks" or "look", but I am always curious if ppl judge me. I am not the fanciest person in the universe. Are you fancy ppl judging me, because I dress more casual? (on an everyday basis- of course I get dressed up for simchas!)

I probably judge ppl more on a vibe they put out. If you are giving out a non-friendly or a holier-than-thou kind of vibe, I probably will not be the first to jump into a conversation.

And while you sort of get a sense of personalities here, you also have to realize that online is not completely accurate. I probably come across as harsh in a lot of my posts because some "discussions" might be close to my heart. In real life I'm not blunt at all. And I'm very friendly.

chavs

Sat, Jul 26 2008, 10:48 pm

When I had just had my son someone I know told me about a lady who also just had her first baby (baby is 2 weeks older then my son), and gave me her number to call her (or vice verca I dont remember). I became friendly with her over the phone and after a while we decided to meet up for coffee and when I first saw her she looked totally different then how I had imagined her. She wasnt frum so she dressed differently in that way (pants teeshirt etc), she also dressed differently in terms of personal style then I had imagend, and she is about 15 years older then me. After my initial "oh okay I am slightly surprised" we had a coffee and many coffees later we are still friends, so I'd say, no I wouldnt judge someone on their picture.

Teacup9

Sun, Jul 27 2008, 12:49 am

I use to get uncomfortable around women who were different from me. Maybe they didn't wear denim or wore opaque tights. Or a different style sheital than mine or they spoke a different language mostly (Yiddish or Farci). Then I took a hypnobirthing class with mostly Satmar woman in Williamsburg and everyone was so nice to me even though I was totally different (different in other ways besides just religion like I was planning on giving birth at a birthing center). They were so welcoming so now I just try to be friendly with everyone and sometimes they are friendly back and sometimes they aren't regardless of how they dress.

Also I stopped judging people on age and make an effort to hang out with people who have children around my baby's age.

I have a friend who carries on shabbos and I wish I wasn't so self conscious when she wants to walk next to me. Also once a non religious Jewish friend stayed with me on shabbos and we went walking while she wore pants I think and she kept wishing people a good shabbos and I was so embarrassed.