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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
How much notice do you give someone that you're about to visit them?
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| 5 minutes before you come |
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1% |
[ 1 ] |
| 10 minutes before you come |
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5% |
[ 3 ] |
| 15 minutes before you come |
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5% |
[ 3 ] |
| 1/2 hour or more before you come |
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86% |
[ 46 ] |
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| Total Votes : 53 |
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yersp
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 Tue, Aug 05 2008, 10:35 am
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When you want to visit someone, do you call them up 5 minutes before you visit that you're coming over or do you give them more time?
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yo'ma
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 10:37 am
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It really depends who I'm visiting.
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Imhappy!
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 10:39 am
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ya, depends on who I will be visiting. for a close neighbor, sister ect I think 5-10 min is enough for a sister in law I guess 1/2 hour...
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yersp
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 10:43 am
delete
Last edited by yersp on Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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In the kitchen
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 10:45 am
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I am bad at this...I usually give very last minute notice that I'm coming over. But I don't expect or want the person Im visiting to prepare for me...I don't want to trouble them that way. Plus I have a problem making plans ahead of time, I just have to have things open and flexible and know my options so that I don't feel boxed in or coerced to going somewhere. (I really don't like to leave the house) Luckily my friends are understanding about this but for people I don't know well yet I do (with much stuggling!) make plans ahead of time.
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yo'ma
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 10:46 am
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Who cares if the house is not perfect. If you want your house nice, do it for yourself, not them. If they don't give you notice then they probably don't care what condition your house is in.
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mamacita
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 10:48 am
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Definitely not only depends on who I'm visiting but what's going on with them at the moment. A friend might get 5mins notice normally, but after birth a day's notice. Some people I stop by to see without notice at all, but only certain people who I know appreciate it and don't need notice.
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spinkles
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:05 am
This issue is not the five minutes, the issue is that your in-laws want to drop in at suppertime/bedtime. Why are they doing this? Your husband needs to politely and nicely tell them that that interrupts the kids' whole routines and gets them keyed up and makes bedtime much harder. Often family members think that they are being helpful, and don't realize that they're making things harder on you. Come up with some times that would be more convenient for your family, and suggest that they come during those times. Blame it on the children, make the in-laws feel that you personally would *love* to see them at bedtime, but the kids for some reason just get *so* excited because they *love* seeing bubby and zeidy so much, and it's hard to calm them down after. Also, if they call again to tell you they're coming over at a bad time for you, what's wrong with nicely telling them you aren't feeling up to it? You can blame it on a headache if you have to (hey, that's not lying, the second they told you they're on their way, you got a headache, right?), but there's no reason you should have to have your home open to people 24/7.
It sounds like you and your husband need to discuss these issues. Maybe when he was saying the house should be spotless all the time, he was just expressing his embarrassment about having had to host his parents outside rather than inside? Maybe what he meant was that the house should be visitor-ready at all times, but his standards of visitor-ready are different than yours--I.e. he wouldn't feel bad if people saw dirty dishes, table, etc., while you would? Maybe you feel judged by his parents, so you don't want them to see a less than perfect house, but he doesn't feel judged by his parents, so he doesn't experience the same pressure you do to present a perfect home?
But if he really believes the house should be immaculate all the time, he either needs a reality check or needs to volunteer for a lot more chores.
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KiKi
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:10 am
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It does depend on whom ur visiting, and what the situation is... U gotta use ur head to calculate when it is appropriate to just POP into someone (and that does mean 5-10 min's notice). U hafta b MENTCHLICH! Don't have the other person sit on Pins and Needles... Of course don't pop in2 someone after shkia time, if ya know what I mean...
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cassandra
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:12 am
| Rosycheeks wrote: | | How about in laws?? Should they give you 5 minutes notice or more? My inlaws have done this to me already the second time and I have not let them into the house because of it. I feel bad that we had to sit outside in the front of the house but I had no choice. Had they given me even 15 minutes notice I'd have quickly put things away. They always come when it's supper time/going to sleep and it's a mess here! DH and I were having an argument about it, he complained that the house should be ALWAYS spic and span no matter what (he's right in a certain sense but not at 8 in the evening), I said thats not the issue, the issue here is the 5 minutes notice. It's not mentchlich. |
Wow. If I were your MIL I would think much less of you for making me wait outside then for a less than perfectly neat house. Where are your priorities? You can tell them after that it's generally a bad time, could they give you notice, etc., but to make them stand outside???
Last edited by cassandra on Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:13 am; edited 1 time in total
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KiKi
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:12 am
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In reference to In-Laws, MINIMUM half hour notice... and again, MINIMUM! Not that u really need 2 impress 'em, it's just that u don't want to have a bad feeling, my house is a wreck, what does she think bout me...
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yersp
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:13 am
delete
Last edited by yersp on Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tamiri
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:16 am
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I believe that a mench/ette starts with "is it convenient for me to come to your house at xyz day and time" and not "I will be there at xyz day and time", whether xyz is 5, 10 minutes or 5 days. You can't assume the hosts want you until they say so. That is proper etiquette.
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yersp
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:18 am
delete
Last edited by yersp on Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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cassandra
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:21 am
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Because maybe the difference is that they're his parents and he doesn't view them as guests? Would you do the same thing to your mother?
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yersp
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:23 am
delete
Last edited by yersp on Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Rutabaga
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:30 am
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After dd was born, I told family and friends that I would welcome visits but would prefer a phone call first. That way if I was nursing the baby or planning to take a nap I could ask a visitor to come a little later. Well, my father took this a little too literally. He would call and ask if now was a good time. I would say yes, assuming that I had at least 20 minutes before he'd arrive. But no, he was standing outside my front door. Dd is his first and only grandchild, but still, that's a little much.
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yersp
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:34 am
delete
Last edited by yersp on Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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freidasima
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:35 am
My mother gives me at least half an hour notice (sure it takes that long for her and her aide to walk across the street, no kidding) but I sometimes give her five minutes notice or less. As she said, that's the way it should be because I am her daughter and won't criticize anything I see, just the opposite. But as she always said, she is my mother and as a married adult daughter I deserve a bit of privacy so no dropping in unannounced.
With my MIL it's not an issue as they are overseas. I give friends at least an hour's notice usually, but only those where I am used to nursing their kids if they were wearing a button down the back dress...(yes it really happened at my best friend's bris, I was six weeks pp and she was dumb enough to wear a back button dress to the bris and couldnt nurse her son after it...and I wasn't even nursing my own anymore)...I couldn't care less what they see here, or what I see there.
Anyone else, at least a day's notice please...and ask, don't state.
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cookielady
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Tue, Aug 05 2008, 11:37 am
Personally, I prefer ppl to call before they show up. At times when ppl have shown up unannounced and for whatever reason, It was not a good time to have them in, I would speak to them in the doorway and take what they are dropping off etc. By not inviting them in, they understood to call first in the futre. Obviously, I dont do that with everyone, but there are some ppl who dont get a message unless its very clear, I find by talking in the doorway, they get that they cant just come in whenever.
(though a few ppl will come and say "I know its dinner time now, so thats why I stopped by now, Im hungry" I dont always appreciate that, but I do invite them in to eat.)
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