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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
What level of education would you want the boy your daughter marries to have?
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| His level of education doesn't matter. Only his middos count. |
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37% |
[ 13 ] |
| High school grad is enough. |
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28% |
[ 10 ] |
| I wouldn't consider someone without a college degree and a profession. |
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34% |
[ 12 ] |
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| Total Votes : 35 |
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Ozmom
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 Sat, Dec 10 2005, 7:14 pm
why should I?
I'm in this thread now, responding to whats being said and asked in this thread.
I don't like to mix and match my threads, I find thats too muddling and funcusing
Last edited by Ozmom on Sat, Dec 10 2005, 8:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tefila
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Sat, Dec 10 2005, 7:33 pm
Dayanus but maybe thats a bit much  . So I'll settle for semicha 
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Mandy
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Sat, Dec 10 2005, 8:30 pm
| Quote: | | wasn't the question what level of education would you want your sil to have? |
I understood this thread to be in response to the geirim/yichus thread. I think that Motek is not asking what level of education we want our children's spouses to have, I think she is trying to make the point that we all want "the best " background in prospective spouses and to her that would mean that it is fine to want your child to marry someone from a family with yichus etc. It is possible that I misunderstood her intentions and in that case, this whole post is an irrelevant side point.
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Tefila
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Sat, Dec 10 2005, 8:34 pm
My job here 8) is not to read behind the lines behind the post, but to answer the question plain and simple  not saying u'r assumption is off base though mandy
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Ozmom
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Sat, Dec 10 2005, 9:07 pm
most of the arguments on this site mandy, are based on assumptions such as yours.
Where a person reads something and based on their perception of the person and what they believe their personality to be, they read into the post and respond accordingly.
I have been both guilty of it and victim to it.
| Quote: | | this whole post is an irrelevant side point |
to what? and who says it was meant to be relevant to what its not relevant to in which case what's the relevance of that statement
ok officially funcused again here.
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Mandy
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Sun, Dec 11 2005, 12:27 am
| Quote: | this whole post is an irrelevant side point
to what? and who says it was meant to be relevant to what its not relevant to in which case what's the relevance of that statement
ok officially funcused again here. |
All I meant was that if I misunderstood her intentions, then MY posts were irrelevant.
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hisorerus
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Sun, Dec 11 2005, 12:28 am
Mandy, I think you're just as opinionated as Motek! 
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Tefila
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Sun, Dec 11 2005, 1:18 am
This is b/coming off topic ya know 
Last edited by Tefila on Sun, Dec 11 2005, 10:02 am; edited 1 time in total
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Ozmom
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Sun, Dec 11 2005, 1:48 am
| Quote: | | All I meant was that if I misunderstood her intentions, then MY posts were irrelevant. |
ah ok thanks for the clarification
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ElTam
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Sun, Dec 11 2005, 1:54 pm
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My choice wasn't one of the one listed. I would put middos first, but they would have to be combined with some skills or training that would enable the bochur to make a parnassah. That might be a four-year degree, or he might be a plumber, wouldn't matter to me.
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imanut
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Sun, Dec 11 2005, 6:30 pm
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why wasn't yeshiva education one of the choices?
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littlefish1995
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Tue, Feb 07 2006, 12:14 am
Why is the question limited to men? I am deeply troubled by the implication that the man must have an education and the woman need not. What kind of a message do we send young girls when we talk about her future husband's education but not hers? Are we saying that her education is secondary to her husband's? Are we saying she need not be educated because her role is to be a mother? I find these implications to be archaic. Being frum and receiving an advanced degree are not mutually exclusive. I am curious though, how many women feel as I do about education for women.
** How many of you would encourage your daughters to attend a secular university (assuming kashrut and other observances would not be threatened)?
** How many think that your future son in law's education is less important than your daughter's education?
(Note - I am not asking this to insult those who feel differently than I do. I just am curious what the women on this board feel about this).
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Chani
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Tue, Feb 07 2006, 12:35 am
Interesting question...I did attend an Ivy league college, but for my boys (sorry, no daughters yet) I don't have particularly strong feelings about college. I have VERY strong feelings about yeshiva, however. After yeshiva it just depends on the child. Any who want to learn in kollel, my husband and I will do our best to make it possible. If not, there's nothing wrong with going to college to enable oneself to make a decent parnassah. And before everyone starts beating me up, of course you don't have to have a college degree to make a good parnassah, but I think it is clear that a college degree helps. Hopefully, our boys will be married before going, however, and I would rather see them in YU or Touro than a purely secular school...Although I believe Ner Israel does some joint degrees with Johns Hopkins...
The reality is that we're raising FFB kids, like it or not, who may turn out to be vastly different than we are. They may run gasping and screaming in horror from the mere idea of college (although perhaps that would be a little myopic on their part seeing as how my husband's and my law degrees are paying for their tuition at cheder and the savings for yeshiva /kollel years ) I really just hope that they excel in mentschlichkeit and that the learning, education, parnassah etc will come however HaKadosh Boruch Hu wants... (and it will, of course, doesn't it always?)
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Motek
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Tue, Feb 07 2006, 8:52 am
| littlefish1995 wrote: | | Why is the question limited to men? |
because people feel differently about their sons' education and their daughter's education
by all means, please start a new thread and poll on your topic and I'd be happy to respond to your questions there
you will also find this thread about College and Women in the Controversy section of interest
http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....09c0b
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LubavitchLeah
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Tue, Feb 07 2006, 11:58 am
This is a seriously difficult question for me, for many reasons. To give you background, my parents believed that asecular education was crucial, and although Torah values were always of utmost importance they time after time from a young age made it known our life would involve this secular university education. They were both themselves highly educated in Academia. They did not see this as impinging on our Yiddishkeit in their Litvishe world.
For myself and my husband we both are not placing ANY focus on secular education, purely a Chasidishe Torah lifestyle. Although individuals basic personality remains constant our perceptions and values can be dynamic which explains my views, contrary to how I grew up.
I see 2 negatives with secular university education, especialy if young, unmarried.
a) The obvious is that the enviroment may impinge on the purity of the individual, example, drinking, partying, boys, girls together etc etc. This just fuels Yetzer Hara.
b) This point is more controversial possibly, but the CONTENT of many degrees is not from Torah, how much Emes is contained in this content. Ofcourse there is a grain of truth in everything.
One has to pray the Almighty will help our children to make a parnasa through Torah means. This is our Prayer.
B"H my hubby uses his secular education to support our family, and I have used mine in the past. So I should add that I'm not knocking our means, it was a vehicle to connect with Hashem, and to allow our family to connect. There were other and are other positives to our secular backgrounds in elevating this plane, but thats another discussion. For our kinderlach I want to seperate them from the secular, G-d Willing.
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ektsm
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Wed, Feb 08 2006, 8:46 pm
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He better be very educated. MY kids need someone who has parnasah. I don't want my kids living in section 8 and getting food stamps. If they aren't educate then are they supposed to "bring home the bacon."
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hisorerus
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Wed, Feb 08 2006, 8:55 pm
I made a budget for us, including room for "extras" and discovered we can live quite happily with an amount considered poverty. (Relying on gov't healthcare, for various reasons.) No food stamps.
Basically, if we don't expect luxury, we don't need a college salary.
B"H we can work in Avodas HaKodesh. I'd never consider a college education for my children.
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Mandy
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Wed, Feb 08 2006, 9:41 pm
Higher learning is a must. In both limudei kodesh and limudei chol. The kids themselves must choose whether they go to grad school or dayonus or whatever, based on their own interests, but they need to have the initial education that is necessary to make either decision. And, no there is no difference between boys and girls on this issue.
Salary is an important part of it, but it is also about using your brain. I would be somewhat disappointed if my child chooses a profession in which the physical is valued more than the intellect ( I.e- carrying boxes).
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BinahYeteirah
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Thu, Feb 09 2006, 12:57 am
| ektsm wrote: | | If they aren't educate then are they supposed to "bring home the bacon." |
Well, I, for one, don't want my sil to bring home any bacon! If he did, I'd certainly know he wasn't for my daughter.
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rosehill
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Thu, Feb 09 2006, 11:46 am
| Quote: | | I made a budget for us, including room for "extras" and discovered we can live quite happily with an amount considered poverty. (Relying on gov't healthcare, for various reasons.) No food stamps. |
Are you paying full Yeshiva tuition? For how many kids? If not, you might want to thank those with a College education who are subsidising this.
<Read no sarcasm or offense, just pointing out the bigger picture>
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