This is so hard ...

mugsisme

Sat, Aug 30 2008, 11:16 pm

How do you all do this? My 15 year old is going to EY tomorrow, and I am on the brink of tears. I know this is so great for him. He got a complete scholarship and it is an excellent program. But EY is 6000 miles away, and tickets are so expensive! I know w/ cell phones and internet I will still be able to keep in touch, but it is sooo hard.

Chizuk please??? I know it is good, but how do you get over missing your kids?

dora

Sat, Aug 30 2008, 11:48 pm

you dont get over missing them! you just miss them everyday but you must believe that they are in a good place and that's good for them. You do your best to keep in touch but try not to be too clingy. From my experience I saw that my boys did better then ok, they did great and missing them just made me appreciate them more when they came home. You will be just fine.

ShakleeMom

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 12:15 am

Just let it out, who says you can’t be emotional? It helps to establish a tradition of some sort, such as faxing updates, which can be preserved for eternity. There’s nothing like a scribble d note. In today’s internet age, something like that is so heartwarming. Or pack him along dryer sheets, to make his laundry smell like home. Something to make you feel better.

But hey, let it out.

bubby

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 12:26 am

You get used to it after a while. Just remember how proud you are that he's doing everything right & that he gives you Nachas. And he's in EY, not, as I told myself re my own kids, in jail G-d forbid! He'll also come home. My daughters & their families are in Europe. Permanently.

Now...which imamothers in EY are going to keep an eye on this young man? Have him for Shabbosim etc? Make sure he eats properly, changes his linen, & generally play Mom?

BTW, I sent my son away at 13. Had to. That was REALLY hard, AND he couldn't have a cell phone. You should see him now...exactly as I hoped he'd turn out! So take Chizuk from that.

Lastly, don't cry at the airport like I did. They hate that. Better send DH & you stay home & cry. Then have a huge bowl of ice cream and/or a bar of chocolate.

mugsisme

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 12:40 am

DH is taking him, since he will fly from JFK, and we live in VA. I can't go, because like you say, I will bawl my eyes out. I sent him away for 7 weeks this past school year, and it was hard, but it was only 3 hours away. This is just so far.

I have a very open relationship with him. I told him how proud I am him, but how much I will miss him. He said the first week is the hardest. Chocolate I have. Ice cream isn't coming until the order comes in on Monday. I was thinking I need to buy myself something to cheer me up.

bubby

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 12:43 am

Retail Therapy is always a great idea. Don't forget to send care packages, but don't let him know you miss him too much or he'll get homesick & you don't want that either. It's so hard to strike a happy medium. Where's he going?

mugsisme

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 12:51 am

Ohel Shlomo, in Beer Sheva. He is going with the Naala Elite program. It is a great program from what I hear. I spoke with another mom who sent her son last year, and is sending two boys this year.

hila

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 1:37 am

Please pm me for my phone number if you want it. We also have a working washing machine, and plenty of Shabbat food if needed .

Beersheva is not so far away from us, and if he wants a family to come to - please tell him he is welcome to come to us.

I am sure it is a wonderful opportunity for him to be here. And he can learn in the holy land too.

And the Israel imamothers are a great lot. Dont know if we have onei n B7.

mumoo

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 2:41 am

mugsisme wrote:

DH is taking him, since he will fly from JFK, and we live in VA.

a little off topic, but I have a friend that just moved to Richmond. Are you near there? Helping her feel welcome would be a chesed for her and a distraction for you.

amother

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 2:44 am

As hard as it was for me to send my son off to yeshiva this week, it has been harder for him. I don;t know what to do he is so unhappy and called me with so many complaints. Everyting is bad and I want to help him but I don;t know what todo.

Is this common and does it get better?

bubby

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 7:48 am

To imamother, listen to his complaints, discuss each one, & try to find solutions WITH him, rather than fixing it yourself. Some things you will have to call up for, but most he can deal with. He's probably homesick & is afraid you're all having a grand old time without him. Obviously don't cry & say Baby, we MISS you all the time, but letters & packages from his siblings & you will help.

Complaining gets better...it's a bit like that old Alan Sherman "Hello Mudder, Hello Farder" camp song. And don't forget...they unload to you, put the phone down, & race off to the next Shiur or lunch or ball game without a second's thought! That's kids! Wink

mumoo

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 8:14 am

thanks, Bubby, tha helps . He said his phone doesn't work and he can't keep borrowing his frieinds. he said he can;t sleep. He says he hates the food, its to hot and the water tastes horrible. No one plays sports and he has no internet to get scores. When he called me it was the thrid day at at 4:30 in the morning and he hasn't slept at al. He has blankets, sheets and pilows from home I feel so bad for him but some of those thngs I can;t fix. There are several other boys there he knows so he is not all alone. I emailed the director of the Yeshiva. I hope he knows what to do.

ChossidMom

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 8:20 am

Oh gosh. Now that I have an almost 13 year old, I am starting to be able to relate to this stuff. I don't even know how I'll send my son to another CITY for yeshiva, let alone another country! You poor mommy. It's hard to let go! You are welcome to pm me and I'll give you my phone number and address. Tell your son he is welcome for Shabbos any time with a friend. My kids would love it. And you hang in there!

bubby

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 8:41 am

Mumoo, some things you can fix...his cell, for instance. If it's one of those Amigo things they have offices everywhere & just be an Israeli & demand they get a new phone to him!! Tell him to buy an electric fan & an extension cord (I did that with DS#2!). He can always get bottled water, it's not too expensive & he'll get used to the food.

Does your DS have one of those debit/credit cards that you can top up? Mine do & whenever something was needed & there was no $$ on the card DH transferred some over. But buying a fan will DEFINITELY help! The nights should be getting quite cool in BS now, shouldn't they?

mumoo

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 9:01 am

Oh, I didn't amother my last post. I didn't want to embarrass my son. He's not a wimpy kid, by any means, but this experience has really thrown him. I just ordered him a new phone, it should take two days. No international texting, but what can I do?

The fan is a good idea, I'll suggest it. He said it is hard to get to a store; he's 40 minutes outside of Yerushalayim, maybe near Ashdod? I really have no idea where he is...

Part of my feeling bad is my guilt (what else? Of course it's my fault) for making sure my children are always comfortable. Did I not challenge them enough? This one never wanted to go to nursery, but I left him everyday crying, hoping he'd get used to it. The only overnight camp was at the local Yeshiva and he came home periodically in that month.

Chossidmon- I may take you up on your offer- thanks!

bubby

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 9:11 am

Please don't feel guilty. You are giving your son independence, the greatest gift you can give him. Like I said, I sent my boys off at 13. It will all work out, but you need to give him time. It does take some getting used to, and it's not like living at home...he needs to fend for himself at some point, like laundry. He'll figure it out, don't underestimate him. In fact, you can say that you have every faith in him to handle things but of course, he can always call you for tips & advice. After a month or so you'll be complaing he never calls!!

ChossidMom

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 9:41 am

Mumoo - my offer was actually to the OP. I extended the same one to you ages ago and I hope you DO take me up on it. My home is open to all children of imamothers! I'm a great "mom away from mom". Very Happy