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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
This is so hard ...
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mugsisme




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 31 2008, 1:29 pm
Chossidmom, thanks so much; will PM soon.

DH is almost at NY. They have to meet at 4:30 at the international synagogue for the send off dinner/program. I feel so close to tears today. YES! I know it is good. I just miss him. He is a good boy, BA"H, which makes it so much harder.

Amother, this is the same child who I had to send away for 7 weeks after Pesach last year. It was a very hard adjustment for him. He got stung by a bee the first day he was getting out of bed. He hated the food. He missed us and wanted to come home. Some problems I let him sort out; some I called about. The food I called about, because he was the type to go hungry and complain to me. You need to figure out which problems he can deal with and which ones you need to step in. Give it at least a week for him to adjust.

I guess a lot of us need cyber-hugs.
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bubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 31 2008, 11:29 pm
You've got 'em!!! {{{{{HUGS}}}}
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ChavieK




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 01 2008, 1:25 am
Mugs, I know how you feel. Just sent dd of to sem today. It is really hard. And my other dd wanted to go on the girls program that your son is doing. I refused, cause I would not have been able to send 2 at the same time.But I know people who have looked into it & said it is a great program, very well run, & good for the kids. A friend is sending her dd on it.
As hard as it is, you shouldn't cry when you speak to him, wait until your off the phone to break down,& not in front of other kids.As Bubby said try to help him to help himself get things straightened out.
It is bittersweet as they grow. But they are growing which is a good thing. He should have hatzlacha in this great opportunity.
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Motek




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 11:28 am
bubby wrote:
You are giving your son independence, the greatest gift you can give him.


It is?

chossidmom - it's so nice of you to invite!
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 12:23 pm
it's never easy to send away kids so young ... I had a hard time with my son in a dorm yeshiva nearby ...

now my 14 year old dd wants to skip town ... I told her she should wait till she graduates high school ...

anyways just continue to keep "mothering" him from afar ...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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tovarena




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 02 2008, 3:29 pm
I don't know if it will help, but from the perspective of someone who did go away from home, it was really an incredible experience.

I went away to a dorm BY at 13. The city I lived in did not have any Jewish high schools at all and the other options were just not workable. My parents' friends all thought they were NUTS, but it worked for us.
My mom totally cried at the airport, so of course, I lost it, too. But that might be different for a girl vs. a boy.
And yes, I totally had my hard moments. The times I called my parents crying and told them to bring me home - oy, I feel bad now for what I must have done to them then. Halfway through my first year, it even got so bad, my dad even scheduled a flight for the next week to come out and "help me pack up". Of course, both parents knew that by the time he'd get there I would have changed my mind (they never did book a ticket for me). But that next week was mid-winter break anyway, so I think they figured it would make a good time for him to visit anyway and see the school (I'd seen it before I chose to go there, but they had not). Sure enough, a week later, I was happy again and was NOT going home. I spent all 4 years there and it was the best thing I could have done.
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mugsisme




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 11:15 pm
Thank you for all the chizuk. I did cry once when I was talking to him, and I think it was a huge mistake. He got cold feet at the airport, and wanted to come home. DH convinced him to go. He was way over tired, and very under fed. (He didn't like the food they had.) When he got to EY, he didn't like his room. He was so upset and demanding to come home. I kept begging him to talk to the Rabbi in charge, and he did. He got his room switched, and finally slept well the night before last. This morning he was in such a good mood, saying how he really likes the place, and he is *smile* Happy! Hooray!

He has off this Shabbos. ChossidMom was so sweet to offer to take him for Shabbos, but he is IY"H going to my friend in Yerushalayim.

How are the other moms and kids fairing? I know that there several of us who sent kids off this year.

(BTW, I am debating about sending my DD next year, which would mean sending off two kids.)
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