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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Throwing out things that arent yours



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Seraph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 8:56 am
PSA:
I think it is extremely rude and ill-mannered, not to mention mean, to throw out something that does not belong to you. It doesnt matter what your reason is for throwing it out; if you did not ask permission from the owner, it is wrong wrong wrong.

Just a few examples I'm thinking of:
I used to daily go to someone's house. I would bring lunch for myself, enough for two days, expecting to eat the leftovers for the next day's lunch. imagine my surprise and annoyance when I would discover that the baalas habayis threw out my food, thinking it looked "off". This baalas habayis happens to be very picky in terms of food freshness. I am not. I'd rather sacrifice on the freshness in order to make things more convenient and to save myself money. She mamash was very picky- she couldnt bear the thought of a container of cottage cheese that was more than 24 hours old, salad that had sat for more than 4 hours since it was made, etc... I was very upset that she would throw out my food that I was planning on eating because it didnt meet her food standards.

I was a guest at someone's house and brought a lot of the food for the shabbos meals. I brought a very expensive salad that had a lot of exotic things in addition expensive greens that we ate friday night, and I announced that I was planning on serving it shabbos day. imagine my annoyance finding out when I woke up that the baalas bayis tossed it because she thought it looked gross. Ok, so maybe she didnt want to serve it, but before tossing it she should have asked me if I had planned on eating it, seeing as I was the one who spent a lot of money on it. happens to be I LIKE green salads that sat overnight. I think they have a more distinct flavor.

And then theres the matter of throwing out other people's papers that you dont think look important. You never know if there is sentimental value even in things that look like garbage.

So PSA: never throw out something that isnt yours without first asking the owner...
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 8:59 am
What prompted you to post this PSA today?
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 9:02 am
Isn't is some form of ganeiva?

Rutabaga, cutie avatar.
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 9:05 am
Thanks yo'ma. I thought it was time to update.
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HindaRochel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 9:05 am
If you bring food as a guest it is no longer really yours unless you are bringing for you to eat exclusively.

As for the other woman throwing food out; well maybe she should have asked, but did you ask if you could leave the food there overnight? And seeing as how she did this continually why did you continually bring food for more than one day?
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Seraph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 9:11 am
HindaRochel wrote:
If you bring food as a guest it is no longer really yours unless you are bringing for you to eat exclusively.
its a slightly complicated situation, and I was bringing the food so I would have something to eat. it wasnt a "thank you for inviting us, here, this is for you", but more like bringing some food so that there would be some food we could eat, because of allergies. which is why I was thinking of changing the situation to us having guests and them throwing out the food in the fridge because the situation is really closer to that.

Quote:
As for the other woman throwing food out; well maybe she should have asked, but did you ask if you could leave the food there overnight? And seeing as how she did this continually why did you continually bring food for more than one day?
I left it there overnight with her permission. she didnt have an issue with me leaving food there, she just would throw it out on her fridge cleaning crusades. I left it overnight because it was a huge hassle even bringing food that one day, bringing it daily made much more work for me. and eventually, I asked her to please not do throw out my food and she relented. but the mere thought of someone doing it until being asked to stop is wrong. it should never happen in the first place.

Rutabaga, I posted this today because it was on my mind for a while and the first situation just happened to me quite recently and I'm still sore about it.
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OldYoung




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 9:36 am
I guess it's good to keep in mind. If I ever have to keep food at someone's house, I will make sure to leave it in a brown paper bag and not even tell them what's inside. They shouldn't be poking around your food that's just borrowing some of their refrigerator space.
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yummydd




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 9:41 am
Youre right, it definitly wansnt right of them to throw it out!
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Aidelmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 9:54 am
Reminds me of when I came back after renting out our apartment. THe people renting it had thrown out the toilet brush. "So dirty" they said. They didn't even apologise.It could be they also said something about that you're supposed to replace it every now and then anyway, or maybe that was a justification I thought up.

Maybe I should have posted as amother. Anyways I told them that if something is not yours you can't throw it out zehu. I feel for you Seraph.
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ButterflyGarden




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 9:59 am
Seraph wrote:
HindaRochel wrote:
If you bring food as a guest it is no longer really yours unless you are bringing for you to eat exclusively.
its a slightly complicated situation, and I was bringing the food so I would have something to eat. it wasnt a "thank you for inviting us, here, this is for you", but more like bringing some food so that there would be some food we could eat, because of allergies. which is why I was thinking of changing the situation to us having guests and them throwing out the food in the fridge because the situation is really closer to that.


Ok, I hear your frustration, but as a guest it's still not so simple. It would have been nice of her to ask first, but I don't know that I would condemn her actions right away. She was probably thinking along the line of HindaRochel when she did it.
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Seraph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 10:02 am
RivkaBatya wrote:
Seraph wrote:
HindaRochel wrote:
If you bring food as a guest it is no longer really yours unless you are bringing for you to eat exclusively.
its a slightly complicated situation, and I was bringing the food so I would have something to eat. it wasnt a "thank you for inviting us, here, this is for you", but more like bringing some food so that there would be some food we could eat, because of allergies. which is why I was thinking of changing the situation to us having guests and them throwing out the food in the fridge because the situation is really closer to that.


Ok, I hear your frustration, but as a guest it's still not so simple. It would have been nice of her to ask first, but I don't know that I would condemn her actions right away. She was probably thinking along the line of HindaRochel when she did it.
they knew it was mine exclusively.

ok, fine, I'll tell the situation like it is:
I needed to go somewhere for shabbos. I am not allowed to eat that person's cooking, so I brought a whole shabbos in terms of food, so that my family can eat. this person made food as well, but I could not touch it. hence, throwing out food that I brought so I can eat is just wrong wrong wrong.
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ButterflyGarden




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 10:02 am
Aidelmom, that's for sure not right. When you are in someone's apartment you can't throw anything out. Our machsan is bursting with broken (and not fixable) things that belong to our baal habayit bc he didn't want to throw them away. It's a big inconvenience, but there is nothing we could do.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 10:03 am
I would hate that ... and lately I know someone who keeps doing that over & over ... leave my garbage alone ... I'll decide when, where and how I will dispose or if I even want to ...
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Aidelmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 10:04 am
Thanks for your support!

Well if you're paying to rent the machsan I'm not sure if thats right either, unless it was understood as part of the deal that he could keep some of the space for himself.
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ButterflyGarden




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 10:05 am
Hmm, Serph, sounds very complicated. Confused Did she know you could not eat her food? It must have been very frustrating for you, but there has got to be a way to be don l'caf schus here.

Aidelmom, its the other way around. There is an understanding that we can use whatever space is not needed (although we are paying enough to be renting the machsan, but that is a different matter).
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Seraph




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 03 2008, 10:13 am
RivkaBatya wrote:
Hmm, Serph, sounds very complicated. Confused Did she know you could not eat her food? It must have been very frustrating for you, but there has got to be a way to be don l'caf schus here.
yes... she knew.
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