Teachers talking to dad -chareidi type answer please

Seraph

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 12:37 pm

In a community where men and women don't mingle, is it appropriate for a woman teacher to speak to her students father about the student, or is it standard practice to call up the mother and speak to her if she isnt the one that picks up and drops of the student?

grin

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 12:41 pm

yes, this is totally appropriate in person at the school or home, not in the middle of the street (altho I've done the latter in a crunch). By phone - what's the problem?

Last edited by grin on Sun, Sep 21 2008, 12:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

GAMZu

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 12:45 pm

In my son's chasidish cheider, I always talk to his Rebbe when I pick him up. How his day went, how he participated, etc.
Last year's Rebbe was more forthcoming and came to the door when I picked up my son so I can have a chance to talk and ask.
This year's Rebbe seems a little uncomfortable and I have to walk to the front of the room in order to talk to him, but that's what I do.

I'd say you should tell the father about his child's day.

ShakleeMom

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:06 pm

I was amazed to get a call from my son’s rebbe years ago, when he started cheder. Since then I don’t think twice and call them when I need. Last week I even walked in to the menahal’s office, uninvited! We were both thrilled since the issue needed face to face talk, and took only 1 minute. He looked at the floor, I stared at his shirt collar…. Mission accomplished.

Seraph

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:11 pm

I dont neccesarily mean if theres an issue, I mean like if the kid did something extra sweet/cute whatever today, nothing pressing to share, would you share with the dad, or would you tell mom if at all?

because most of the fathers in my gan I dont really have an issue telling, because I know them, but theres one father specifically I'm extra uncomfortable to tell him anything about his daughter because he looks extra frum and I dont want to make a faux pas...

ShakleeMom

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:13 pm

Seraph wrote:

Call the wife!

BeershevaBubby

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:13 pm

Maybe call the mother to tell her and then ask her if it would be ok (I.e. would he be comfortable with) for you to give updates to the father when he picks her up?

Seraph

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:15 pm

YESHASettler wrote:

Maybe call the mother to tell her and then ask her if it would be ok (I.e. would he be comfortable with) for you to give updates to the father when he picks her up?

That is definitely an idea.

catonmylap

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:17 pm

Seraph wrote:

YESHASettler wrote:

Maybe call the mother to tell her and then ask her if it would be ok (I.e. would he be comfortable with) for you to give updates to the father when he picks her up?

That is definitely an idea.

Or you could write a note (that way you'd also know that the wife got the message). I always want to know how ds's day was and if dh picks him up, he doesn't relay much info (or ask any questions-because he's a guy, not any communication issues with the metapelet).

mamacita

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:21 pm

Yeah, even if you tell the father it won't necessarily get back to the mother. Men, they don't understand the level of importance some mothers place on hearing seemingly banal tales from gan. She didn't bite back! I think it's amazing, dh thinks "Yeah, well she shouldn't!" Smile

Seraph

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:33 pm

catonmylap wrote:

Seraph wrote:

YESHASettler wrote:

Maybe call the mother to tell her and then ask her if it would be ok (I.e. would he be comfortable with) for you to give updates to the father when he picks her up?

That is definitely an idea.

I did that once. I also pass by their house (with kids playing on the porch) on my way to the makolet and the kids would call imma to come out so I could tell her tidbits about her daughter.

GAMZu

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:33 pm

Yes, notes are great. I have started communicating with the Rebbe through notes because he seems too uncomfortable to talk- and besides, I send DS by bus these days, so...

grin

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 1:56 pm

ShakleeMom wrote:

face to face talk, and took only 1 minute. He looked at the floor, I stared at his shirt collar…. Mission accomplished.

sounds more like floor to collar than "face to face"!

Ruchel

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 2:04 pm

Do teachers write and read notes for every child every day? It sounds just crazy to me... how is it possible? Notes were used for very important matters in my schools, just before the phone call... in the end notes almost disappeared because children would not give them to the parents, for fear of scolding or the parents forcing them to go to their detention or tutoring...

grin

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 3:04 pm

I know a lot of teachers that give reward-notes - short ones about how chasidish and good he was today in school.

Clarissa

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 3:06 pm

If you can't communicate face to face how do you have parent-teacher conferences in school? We have them two or three times a year, and they're pretty valuable.

Mrs. XYZ

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 3:13 pm

Clarissa wrote:

If you can't communicate face to face how do you have parent-teacher conferences in school? We have them two or three times a year, and they're pretty valuable.

In the real chassidishe schools, its generally the fathers go to the boys PTAs and the mothers go to the girls teachers.

Motek

Sun, Sep 21 2008, 3:14 pm

Often fathers will go to parent-teacher meetings with their son's rebbi and mothers will go to their daughter's parent-teacher meetings, but it really depends on who is available to go, to babysit, the age of the child ...