NYers! Can someone explain?!? (a vent)

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YALT

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 6:19 am

I can't stand it! Can someone please explain this NY way of shopping? How is it mentshlich? Why is it so normal? And what is the connection with what this lady answered me?!?!?!?!?!
I was in 3 Guys from Brooklyn yesterday (for those who don't know, it's a big fruit store.) I went with my 2 kids. Who, actually happened to be behaving very well in that store. When I finished putting everything into the shopping cart, I went into line. There was a girl, with a ½ empty shopping cart, holding a place in line for her parents, while her parents were running around shopping. So I told him, I'm sorry, but I don't think it's fair to join the line before you're ready. I CAN"T STAND WHEN THERE"S A WHOLE LINE TO THE REGISTER - OF SHOPPING BASKETS! WITHOUT OWNERS WAITING PATIENTLY AT THEIR SIDES! So, he said "why does it bother you? I obviously answered that I, too need to go home and cook for Y"T, and I did my shopping before entering the line. So I calmly moved his shopping cart back a bit, and overtook him. (OK, it was a bit chutzpahdik, but I just had enough!) Then, I see a not really frum woman cutting in front of me. She started yenting with the woman in front of her, She was sitting there telling the lady in front of her how I have nothing better to do erev R"H than to pick fights. but you can tell that she also put her cart so-to-speak inline, and when it got to the front, she moved it to the side until she was ready. Then she came back in line. RIght in front of me! So I politely told her that she was doing the same thing, and it doesn't make it right.
Well, what she answered me really baffled me: "Next time, you shouldn't be bringing your kids shopping with you!"
WHAT IS THE CONNECTION?????? So I said to her: "what's wrong with my kids coming? Are they making it hard for me? THey're both so nice and calm. Are they taking too much space in the store? DS is sitting in the shopping cart, and DD is in a baby bjorn. That means, they take 4 extra inches in the store. I'm sorry, but I don't leave my kids with a nanny while I go do my shopping!" THat last line I did say a bit snidy. But that was just the most ridiculous thing I've heard, yet!

As an afterthought:
Woman, if you're on here, I apologize. Maybe you are suffering infertility, or something else (I have 2 close ppl dealing with it, so I know quite abit about those issues,) but I don't think it's fair to expect every child to be locked into their house for fear of another woman feeling jealous, and upset. My kids need to live, too. But I do apologize for making it hard for you.

I've been living in NY for about 11 years now, and I still can't stand this NY attitude, that shopping baskets go straight into the line to wait, so that as soon as the customer filled it up, s/he can pay.

Raisin

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 7:01 am

I completely agree with that woman. You took your kids to a store????????????????????????????

don't you know kids should be sitting inside a house all day, watching tv preferably, with no other stimulation? Taking kids out of the house, so that they see other people, and learn how the world works, is just plain wrong!

buzzinmom

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 7:21 am

Ug I get so annoyed when ppl do that...and 3 guys always has such long lines to start with even when ppl are standing with their carts...this and alot of other little things are part of the reason why I never want to move back to ny.... Rolling Eyes

o and by the way did she still go ahead of you or at least apologize or s/t or was she just arguing???

yummydd

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 7:30 am

Many times when people dont have what to answer they blame the kids on it! She probably didnt know what to say so she pointed a finger at your kids...

yo'ma

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 7:52 am

I'm sorry, but I find everyone is the same everywhere. You have obnoxious, friendly people all over. As for this lady, she was obnoxious. As for 3 guys from brooklyn, I don't like that store. B"h, for them, but there's always too many people. People putting there wagon/basket to wait in the line while shopping is rude, but so is a person going in front of you without even saying anything even if they only have 2-3 items. I had that here.

ss321

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 9:19 am

ITA with you. that story is outrageous. happens all the time unfortunately, its really not right. just last week in CVS someone walks up (a frum guy!), gets in line RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. his explanation? "You hav more things so why should I have to wait for YOU to check out." Are you kidding me? I told him politely but very firmly that in America the way things work, at stores, amusement parks, or at the DMV, is that you wait in line, it is FIRST come FIRST serve, and then I just walked upto the conter and put my stuff down. This "me me me" attitude is not exclusive to new york, but I do think sometimes its worse here, probably because there are SO MANY pushy and assertive people, so everyone starts thinking they need to be assertive to get anything they need. I dont know, im sorry for your experience, and I think you should buy produce elsewhere! that store is never worth their long lines lol.

Clarissa

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 9:50 am

I think the pre-holiday prep tension just brings out the worst in a lot of people. Stores are so crowded, everyone is so stressed out, and it makes them behave horribly. I was once in a store (not pre-holiday time) when a man had his wife hold a spot in the front of the line while he shopped, so I waited behind her and then he sailed right in front of me with their full cart. To make matters worse, I was just picking up a few things and their cart was stuffed. Not a good moment, but that's the only time.

I'm always amazed at people who get angry because I shop with children. I'm really considerate, I don't let my kids get in the way, but some people seem annoyed just by their presence. Sure, I'll pay a babysitter, so you don't have to deal with seeing my child sitting in his stroller or in a shopping cart. In my store, it's almost always old people, for some reason. They just hate seeing kids there, and often get hostile about it.

One time I was at the cheese section and this older couple screamed at me in front of my toddler. They'd walked away, I saw nobody at the counter, so I started to get help. They returned, apparently furious that their invisible former presence wasn't being honored. I calmly said, "It's not acceptable for you to speak to me this way in front of my small child. It's not good for him, and I can't imagine all of that tension is good for you, either."

Anyway, cut everyone some slack during this crazy time of year, stick up for yourself when you need to, and try not to let them get to you.

Mama Bear

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 9:52 am

I have NEVER encountered or een heard of such a phenomenon as your wagon or basket waiting in line for you! If I were done before that half-basket is, I'd simply push ahead. BH inWilly this is not done. Terrible!

Coffee3

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 9:54 am

I AM GUILTY.
I only do it in shopright where you have to wait a long time. And I go with DH so one of us watches the carts so its not just leaving a cart in front of other people.
I think the stores that are more hectic or crowded make people more crazy. I try to avoid those kinds of stores but one of them is my local supermarket so I have to dive in and run out asap.
I dont think its a NY thing, I think it's more the setup of the store..

Clarissa

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 9:59 am

No offense, but even if a person is watching the carts, do you think it's fair to shoppers who don't have someone to do that for them, and get to the line where one of you has been holding a place?

Crayon210

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 10:03 am

mytwo22 wrote:

How do you justify this? You do an entire grocery shopping this way?

Raisin

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 10:23 am

Wow, I feel guilty enough when I forget one or 2 items and I run ang get them while the checkout girl is scanning my stuff.

I've never had negative reactions to my kids, only positive ones, in fact, especially from elderly people.

gryp

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 10:25 am

I see people skipping the line or place-holding pretty often. I just tell them off and go ahead.

Coffee3

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 10:46 am

Crayon:
No, it only happens when we forgot one or two things and it doesnt hold up the line.
And, as I said, One person is on line and one person runs to get the thing we forgot.

YALT

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 10:50 am

In certain stores (like shoprite, target,) the store can avoid the havoc - by opening more than 3 registers at a time! they have 20 registers, yet will never use them all! If you see you need more, you use more!

Thanks everyone for agreeing with me.

I really think it's the frum ppl who started this craze. When I lived out of town, I've NEVER seen such behavior! Maybe, if s/o had 1 or 2 items, they'd ask if I'd mind them going ahead since I had a big cart load. But to just push in front, or save a place in line while shopping? Never!

About the kids - She did tell me "what kind of a mother could you be for arguing about such stupidities in front of the kids? Is that what you want them to learn?" Never mind they shouldn't be seeing their mother treated like a passing piece of dust.

She did obnoxiously, after a few minutes tell me "well, if only you would ask politely, then I would allow you to cut in front of me".

Crayon210

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 10:50 am

mytwo22 wrote:

Crayon:
No, it only happens when we forgot one or two things and it doesnt hold up the line.
And, as I said, One person is on line and one person runs to get the thing we forgot.

I don't have a problem with that. Is that what everyone else is upset about?

Coffee3

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 10:57 am

No, people are upset when it holds up the line.. I just push ahead when I see empty carts and fume silently when people run back and forth to get things..
As for comments about kids, some people love kids and some hate them.

YALT

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 11:00 am

About running back to get a forgotten thing or two - I also do it, and feel guilty doing it, but I let others do it too. But once it's 7 or 8 things - it's already getting too much, and time to move out of line.

I also hate when ppl use the express line for a full cart when it says clearly 5 & less, or 12 & less. And when you calmly make a comment to the person in front, they look at you, and turn back towards the line in front of them as if you just told them good morning.

mommalah

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 11:16 am

YALT wrote:

Yea, welcome to brooklyn!! When I moved from Brooklyn to Baltimore, it took me a while to get used to random strangers being nice, at the supermarket, getting directions, etc...The difference is amazing! Now my kids can grow up in a place where manners and politeness are the norm not the exception. Now I have come to expect people to behave like this and when I return for a visit to Brooklyn I am so bothered by the lack of manners.

octopus

Mon, Sep 29 2008, 11:22 am

Op, I agree your ordeal was awful.

with that being said, I think the brooklyn bashing should stop from different posters. I, too, did not originate from brooklyn, and while there are plenty of rude people (there are rude people everywhere), I have seen chessed done here that I have not seen anywhere else. That's right. If you are looking for good things, you will see it. And if you look for bad things, you will see that, too. Yes, sometimes, we are put into situations where you don't have to look for it, but, there are mean, spiteful people everywhere.

It's right before rosh hashana. Let's be melamed zechus on klall yisrael.

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