Please Help Me......On Being proud & happy to be frum

amother

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 2:50 am

Please help me....I am really desperate.
I am having many questions lately and don't know what to do. I am extremely happily married b"h and have many things to be thankful for b''h. I was always a deep thinker but lately the thoughts and questions have accumulated and I am freaking out.

I don't like going to non jewish places (dc. office, shopping etc.) b/c I'm embarrassed being frum. I'm having a hard time with the tznius dressing. I resent being chassidish. I always think about the modern orthodox like if we got the same torah why can't I do certain things that they can? These thoughts are not irrational thoughts but thoughts that have been building up for a while. I am scared to what these thoughts and questions may lead to and would love to talk to someone. It's been hard for me to post this but I can't keep it in me any longer. Is there anyone who can explain what makes them proud or happy to be frum??

ps. I resent the fact that DH can't shave, and find myself looking at other men and thinking how good they look and how good my husband could've looked clean shaven. Or for me dressing tznius ...It's really hard. What keeps you going , what motivates you and makes you proud. Please share as I'm sure there are many others out there who have the same questions but couldn't take the courage to ask. Thanks I am eagerly awaiting some helpful advice. I feel like a tightrope walker who is in danger of slipping and am therefore appealing for help. Thanks..... :arrow: Help

TzenaRena

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 6:16 am

what makes me proud and happy to be frum is the same thing that makes me proud and happy that I am a Jew, a "part of G-d from Above, veritably". Being frum I.e. learning Torah and keeping its Mitzvos is the expression of the G-dliness of our soul.

Being G-dly puts us in a different category than the rest of Creation, including the human species. We fulfill an entirely different purpose in our existence, and don't need to or want to blend in with our surroundings.

We are higher than Creation, and we have a noble purpose: to infuse the rest of Creation with G-dliness, through our existence as Jews, and keeping the Divine Commandments. Mitzvah is from the root "tzavsah v'chibur", connection with Hashem. Every mitzvah we perform strengthen's our G-dly connection.

"A Jew neither desires nor is able to be cut off from G-dliness". a Jew will not have inner peace when his G-dly source is ignored. Your Neshama is clamoring for some attention, nourishment and expression.

This is a story told about Rav Shalom M. Schvadron, the Yerushalayimer Maggid who was once giving a Mussar Drasha to his students, discussed the difference between man and a beheimah, and how we must make sure to fulfill our purpose. After this speech, one student was very upset, he was envious of the easy life of the cows and how all they have to do all day is munch delicious grass, and swish their tails, and doze in the field. He came over to the Rav and bemoaned his luck. "I wish I could have been a beheimah!" he lamented. "Bachur, bachur, don't worry, du bist takeh a beheimah!( you are indeed a beheimah!)"exclaimed his teacher.

None of us would actually want to be an animal, even though they don't face challenges or hardships as humans do.

And although the life of a non-Jew may seem less complicated and demanding, we know we don't envy that life.

On the next level, we don't envy a Jew who was not fortunate to be brought up with a life of Torah and Mitzvos.

Nor do we envy the life of a Jew who is frum, but only minimally, who relies on flimsy excuses for not keeping mitzvos fully.

Perhaps we can understand this by using children as an example. Ask any mother on imamother if, since having children presents so many difficulties, challenges and sacrifices therefore she envies those who do not have children!

Oh, but children are a blessing, our future, and our fulfillment. They are worth the sacrifice.

Similarly, the Torah and Mitzvos are our life, connected with our essence, and our purpose. It's a higher form of existence, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Just one point of many.

Last edited by TzenaRena on Tue, Jan 17 2006, 7:10 am; edited 2 times in total

ASinger

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 2:15 pm

I feel that often the 'outside' world looks so attractive to us, yet at days end so many are not happy with the lives that they lead...
We have a life filled with such meaning and warmth.. families & communities that ultimately care about us. Rituals that enrinch our lives...
yes other things look so tempting etc. but when we relaize that those others are also looking to someone else for a chage in their lives, you begin to realize that you are happy when you accept what u have is best!

Tefila

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 2:21 pm

This is a cry for a haskafa review.
Amother I would like to recommend the book Think Jewish it's written really well, down to earth, but so poignant you won't need to wonder about this issue again. Hatzlacha

TzenaRena

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 2:29 pm

The book Think Jewish I have is written by Rabbi Zalman Posner published by Kesher Press, .©1978 Is it still in print? I wouldn't mind loaning it out, if you live in CH, and somehow that could be arranged

Last edited by TzenaRena on Tue, Jan 17 2006, 7:09 am; edited 1 time in total

Tefila

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 7:41 pm

Quote:

Yes you are right and I'm sure it's still in print.

Motek

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 8:08 pm

amother: please take a look at this thread, it may be helpful:

"Is it Easier or Harder to be Religious?" in this same section (Intellectual)

http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....p;sid

Quote:

I was always a deep thinker but lately the thoughts and questions have accumulated

maybe post them separately, each topic in its own thread and we'll see if our collective knowledge can help you!

amother

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:00 pm

Original amother here. Thanks so much for all your suggestions. I will go out and try to get the book. I am ready to do anything to make me understand and be proud of yiddishkeit. I have this terrible fear of ending up like the hasidic rebel Ch''v. I am happy, yet so unhappy, jealous, confused, always questioning everything.
Am I normal or is this normal for people who live in a world which appears to be full of glitz and glamour.

Motek

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:14 pm

it's normal to have questions but the normalcy of the questions really depends on your background, your upbringing, your education, etc.

are you able to discuss your questions with your husband? does he have similar questions or not at all?

jinjit

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:23 pm

The way you dress has an impact on the way you feel about yourself.
Being Tzniyus is not at all contradictory to looking beautiful.
It is important to dress nicely so that you make a Kiddush Hashem and feel confident as a Jewess.

Last edited by jinjit on Mon, Jan 02 2006, 12:31 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:24 pm

I discuss it with my husband all the time. But he cannot (understandably) answer all my questions. He agrees that I try to find a proffessional scholar or whatever to help me.
I have a lot of doubts. I feel uncomfortable writing them out. Like doubts about coming of moshiach, about the foundations of yiddishkeit etc. and I have no one to ask these questions who can answer me. I am not Lubavitch but at a certain point wished to be since the tznius standards are not so restricted.

Ozmom

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:24 pm

isn't there a story like this, that someone went to one of the rabbeim with a similar question,
someone remind me please

Tefila

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:27 pm

Amother are you careful about eating only Cholov Yisroel since we are told it has an affect on a persons Hashkafa and faith in general.
Thanks Oz you reminded me

amother

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:31 pm

I would love to hear from someone who went thru the same thing and maybe can be helped thru her.
For me Modern Orthodox is the dream come true. They have from both worlds. 1 Have the Torah and being part of the chosen nation and 2-They can enjoy and do much more. I dream about being MO all the time.

amother

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:33 pm

Thanks everybody for your concern. I was scared to post this and very uncomfortable but your care and warmth is giving me courage to seek help, which I desperately need.
Yes, I am careful with Cholov yisroel only- with hechsherim in general.

Motek

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:35 pm

amother wrote:

I am not Lubavitch

you mention resenting being chasidish - may I ask, what chasidic group do you belong to?

were you educated in that chasidic school system?

Quote:

but at a certain point wished to be since the tznius standards are not so restricted.

I find the Lubavitch tznius standards quite strict (tznius for girls from 3 and up for example), but maybe they are not as strict compared to the chasidic circle you are in

amother

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:43 pm

JINJIT, thanks so much. I enjoy looking good and dressing nicely. In fact that's also a problem from a different perspective though. Hashem has given me good looks and a nice figure so with being thankful for it come nisyanos as well.

amother

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:53 pm

Motek, I am going to tell you the school I went to but please read this carefully: I want to make sure that you all realize that b/c I'm having all these doubts and questions doesn't mean that a reflection on the whole student body or chassidus.
I went to Satmar school.

roza

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:56 pm

why can't you dress modern and tznius? what's wrong with being MO?
also, did you read the unchosen book by any chance?

Motek

Sun, Jan 01 2006, 9:59 pm

amother wrote:

I went to Satmar school.

The Satmar approach to chinuch for girls is to limit it, on purpose, because they believe this is the appropriate chinuch to give girls. Therefore, you are missing a lot of information which you can easily make up, if you choose to. If you are really interested in learning, we can provide a whole list of good books for you to read which will explain many of the things that trouble you.