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Please and thank you.. jewish or not?
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 10:11 am
to answer you question, I would think any great Rabbis, rebbetzins worth the name have excellent manners.

I'm talking about please and thank yous etc not if you are using the right type of fish knife or wine glass.
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NativeMom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 10:15 am
I think it all depends on how you were raised or what you were taught, whether Jewish or not. I'd think that Judaism as a religion expresses the importance of saying please and thank you.
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chanagital




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 1:03 pm
My kids get looks at our shul when they use please and thank you like they are aliens, even my baby who just turned two says it. We are also told how hard it is for some parents to get their kids to say it... my kids are expected to say it cause if they don't they don't get what they want. My hubby and I don't bend to commands real well especially from my kids.
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Lady Godiva




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 1:05 pm
chanagital wrote:
My kids get looks at our shul when they use please and thank you like they are aliens

I hope you're exaggerating a bit here...
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 1:12 pm
I'm the the midwest, and when I lived in brooklyn for a few weeks right before my wedding, I was at the corner store buying a juice or something.

I told the cashier "Thanks. Have a nice day." bc well, that's what we do in Ohio.

She looked at me like an alien, then turned to the next customer and said "NEXT!".

I think in some places it is used less frequently than in others. I don't think it can hurt to say it more frequently, and may even be derech eretz to do so.

I was taught that we see so many examples of "please" and "thank you" in the Torah, in our siddur, and from our Gadolim.
And we're shown the opposite in a not-positive light (ie. when Eisav demanded Yaakov to feed him the red red stuff--it makes it clear the way he asked is quite not eidel)
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 1:12 pm
I personally would rather my kids say something politely - rather than a verbose but meaningless "please" & "thank you" ...
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chanagital




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 1:16 pm
I really wish I was exagerating... but sadly no... but that is just the tip of it.... just stick around durin a large kiddish at my shul you will see pple takin tons of food and not leaving any for those who can't push their way up front. There has been kiddishes where I didn't eat more than one little piece of fruit because I was watching my kids... it is almost like you have to get food while the rabbi is talking... or no food at all.
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Lady Godiva




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 1:18 pm
NotInNJMommy wrote:
I'm the the midwest, and when I lived in brooklyn for a few weeks right before my wedding, I was at the corner store buying a juice or something.

I told the cashier "Thanks. Have a nice day." bc well, that's what we do in Ohio.

She looked at me like an alien, then turned to the next customer and said "NEXT!".


All my Brooklynite family and friends say please and thank you.
Maybe the cashier was an alien...
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Lady Godiva




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 1:20 pm
chanagital wrote:
I really wish I was exagerating... but sadly no... but that is just the tip of it.... just stick around durin a large kiddish at my shul you will see pple takin tons of food and not leaving any for those who can't push their way up front. There has been kiddishes where I didn't eat more than one little piece of fruit because I was watching my kids... it is almost like you have to get food while the rabbi is talking... or no food at all.

That's sad. The Rabbi should give a class on manners. I would be very turned off in a shul like that.
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 1:21 pm
chanagital wrote:
I really wish I was exagerating... but sadly no... but that is just the tip of it.... just stick around durin a large kiddish at my shul you will see pple takin tons of food and not leaving any for those who can't push their way up front. There has been kiddishes where I didn't eat more than one little piece of fruit because I was watching my kids... it is almost like you have to get food while the rabbi is talking... or no food at all.

chanagital wrote:
ok how bout this...what is the proper jewish ediquette when asking someone to educate you on a topic the person is not nessisaraly your rabbi or even a rabbi could be just a lay person... are you to debate the topic with the educator or interupt and be a know it all...Is it proper ediquette in one section of the world improper in the other? What makes it ok? To those who were offended before it is not intended to offend....just for my personal education. Something to think about. I can't go any futher than that because pple can get offended when I do. Just like it seems that some pple call it lashon hara when you are talking about someone they like...but are the first to talk about someone they don't like in a similar mannor and that is ok...I am just tring to educate myself.. not in the mind set to offend... but admitaddly yesterday I was in a bad mood and took it out on to many pple... so I say again for those who were offended sorry.

I saw your original subject and see, there are rude people everywhere.
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chanagital




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 1:29 pm
unfortunatly the rabbi doesn't want to alinate his whole commmunity (or at least the big spenders) that he has built. It seems like no one wants to take a stand here on anything... whenever confrunted with truth the rabbi's around here always seem to side with the non-polite saying they don't want to turn anyone off to being a religious jew.. That is why written rules were not followed at the school I used to work at.... Sad It makes me very sad but I don't have any where else to go... and chances are it is like that everywhere. We only like our shul because in our community it is the most hamish and most welcoming to families as well as has a strict myinon. Many of the other askinazic shuls in our area are for men only if they have a strict mynoin.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Oct 10 2008, 2:38 pm
I never heard of it. Please and thank you belongs in everyones vocabulary.
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HindaRochel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Oct 11 2008, 12:25 pm
NotInNJMommy wrote:
I'm the the midwest, and when I lived in brooklyn for a few weeks right before my wedding, I was at the corner store buying a juice or something.

I told the cashier "Thanks. Have a nice day." bc well, that's what we do in Ohio.

She looked at me like an alien, then turned to the next customer and said "NEXT!".

I think in some places it is used less frequently than in others. I don't think it can hurt to say it more frequently, and may even be derech eretz to do so.

I was taught that we see so many examples of "please" and "thank you" in the Torah, in our siddur, and from our Gadolim.
And we're shown the opposite in a not-positive light (ie. when Eisav demanded Yaakov to feed him the red red stuff--it makes it clear the way he asked is quite not eidel)


LOL...yeah, Ohio is different.
I was in NY at Stern college; there was a public phone in the lobby, and it rang, and I answered. Couldn't hear the operator so I said; Please? which meant, where I was from, you repeated the statement.
The operator was typical NY. She hung up.
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ChossidMom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Oct 11 2008, 1:06 pm
I remember when I traveled down south for the first time, to San Antonio. I would walk into a store and the clerk would say something like "How Y'all doin' today?" and I would look around to see who they were talking to. It was kinda nice. They were definitely alot warmer than the clerks in NY who basically just glared at me.
But I have never been in a Jewish community where they don't say "thank you".
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SharonB




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 19 2008, 6:44 am
We daven to Hashem to ask him for what we need and want - and use the word אנא (please). We say brachot before and after we eat to thank Hashem for the food we eat.
Our Rabbanim told us in the Gemara not to eat like gluttons, to dress neatly and act resectfully - manners are definitely part of Jewish life. I am personally disgusted when I hear speaking and requesting things without using these very basic words.

Thank you all and Chag Sameach
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hadasa




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 19 2008, 8:01 am
I found it quite strange to see "please" and "thank you" under 'controversial topics'.

Is it the Jewish way to be demanding and ungrateful?

Ruchel, I found your post to be rather sarcastic and offensive. I hope it was not intentional. As far as I know, all Choshuve, Heilige personalities are extremely respectful and courteous.
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GAMZu




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 19 2008, 10:10 am
Well, chanagital, your rav also told you you were covering "too much" hair, so...
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chanagital




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 19 2008, 10:16 am
GAMZu wrote:
Well, chanagital, your rav also told you you were covering "too much" hair, so...


ya but it was because he felt I was covering my face too..not the same.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 19 2008, 10:20 am
HindaRochel wrote:
NotInNJMommy wrote:
I'm the the midwest, and when I lived in brooklyn for a few weeks right before my wedding, I was at the corner store buying a juice or something.

I told the cashier "Thanks. Have a nice day." bc well, that's what we do in Ohio.

She looked at me like an alien, then turned to the next customer and said "NEXT!".

I think in some places it is used less frequently than in others. I don't think it can hurt to say it more frequently, and may even be derech eretz to do so.

I was taught that we see so many examples of "please" and "thank you" in the Torah, in our siddur, and from our Gadolim.
And we're shown the opposite in a not-positive light (ie. when Eisav demanded Yaakov to feed him the red red stuff--it makes it clear the way he asked is quite not eidel)


LOL...yeah, Ohio is different.
I was in NY at Stern college; there was a public phone in the lobby, and it rang, and I answered. Couldn't hear the operator so I said; Please? which meant, where I was from, you repeated the statement.
The operator was typical NY. She hung up.


typical new york mentality ... typical out of town mentality ... and I'm from new york - I tell you sometimes I wonder how I grew up in that quick paced chaos ... I blame it on that ... but in cleveland everybody says hello ... in brooklyn not so much even your friend has time to say hello ... I play when I'm in brooklyn to see how many people will respond to my "hello" - and it's usually the out-of-towners ... 8)
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GAMZu




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 19 2008, 10:39 am
The thing is, if someone says hello, I always assume that they are greeting someone behind me... and I'm usually right.
I don't want to look like a total dork answering to a greeting directed to someone else.
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