How much $ to give for wedding present?

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 11:03 am

DH is going to a chasuna in our city (out of town). I'm staying home. We disagree on how much to write the check for. (We're sending the response card today and need to decide before that.)

He thinks $36, I think at least $50. He's eating the seudah, and I feel it's not right to give a smaller amount. Those of you who've made a chasuna recently, what sort of amounts did you get in the checks?

(We're friendly with the family in a casual way, but not close or anything.)

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 11:06 am

Then $36 is fine. Don't forget, you're also shelling out travel expenses of some sort.

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 11:43 am

If you are in the ny area I would say that $50 is the minumum. Most not so close neighbors give for a wedding present $100 or more, $36 is cheap even for a bar mitzvah.

Fabulous

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 11:50 am

I think it totally depends on your budget. I got married recently and from those that I knew could afford $50 or more and I got $25 I felt a bit hurt. But from those whom I knew could not afford that much and I got $25 or $36, I felt very privileged and happy. (Plus closeness is a factor). But if you're going by the fact that they are spending on the meal for him, take into account two things. 1) the parents usually pay for the meal and the money usually goes to the chosson/kallah. 2) the meal (at least in NY, even the cheapest place) is at least $30-$35 a person. Mazel Tov!

mother48

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 1:38 pm

why is it my responsibility to 'pay for my meal' at a simcha! if I'm invited as a guest, that's just it, a guest. it's not a resturant. I have no prob saying that what is a standard gift, but why must it cover the meal?!?

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2008, 2:22 pm

I think that it totally depends how close you are-- and also on your budget. $36 is on the low end, but perfectly reasonable. A close, rich aunt might happily give a couple thousand, and that's wonderful. But for acquaintances, especially those who aren't as financially secure, I think $36 is ok. Now $18 would be cheap!

madres

Sat, Nov 05 2011, 5:51 pm

come to the uk!!! if you give 10$ you're most generous.... A SHAME!!!

ElTam

Sun, Nov 06 2011, 12:31 am

$100? How do people afford this? I am invited to two weddings this month alone. If I gave $100 to every wedding we went to, that would be at least $2,400 a year. And that doesn't include bar/bat mitzvah, new babies, upsherins, birthday parties, etc..

amother

Sun, Nov 06 2011, 8:24 am

my parents give 180$ standard

Simple1

Sun, Nov 06 2011, 8:37 am

ElTam wrote:

I'm wondering the same thing. That can't possibly be the standard for everyone. But maybe I'm wrong.

Lalu

Sun, Nov 06 2011, 11:00 am

My dh and I give $180 - more if they are family

33055

Sun, Nov 06 2011, 11:07 am

We usually give and get nothing in my circle. I give $180.00 for family simchas - wedding/bar mitzvah.

mommyla

Sun, Nov 06 2011, 1:50 pm

Fabulous wrote:

Okay. I have several problems with this.

1. How do you know who can afford $50 and who can't? I worked for a while in a school office and used to process the tuition assistance forms. It was mind-boggling to see who needed scholarships. And this is in the town that I grew up in, people who I've known forever. You never know what's going on behind closed doors. And even if you did, who are YOU to make the call of how much someone should give?

2. You felt HURT? Seriously? Be grateful that they gave you anything at all. I got (as I posted in the "Worst Wedding Gifts" thread) a pair of cheapo glass candlesticks with MELTED WAX in them from a very wealthy couple. Did I think it was tacky? Yup. Weird? Absolutely. Cheap? Totally. But was I HURT? No way!

3. I got checks for $10, $18, $25. From people who I consider close. In a rather affluent community. Hurt? No, even when they came from people who could definitely afford to give more. This was four years ago, if that makes any difference. I was just happy that they thought of me and gave a gift at all. It's the thought that counts, isn't it?

4. Every bit counts, as I'm sure any married person knows. Those $10 checks did add up. And yes, I got plenty of checks for a lot more than that, b"H. But I also stepped back and realized that any money should be appreciated. Did you get any checks after the wedding? The same $36 check that was just "another $36" before suddenly became "Hey! $36! Now I can go buy xyz!"

Nobody is entitled to anything. Like a previous poster mentioned, giving wedding presents adds up very quickly when you have a lot of people to give to.

OP, give whatever you're comfortable with. If the new couple have a good outlook, they will appreciate any amount. And if they're expecting only $100 and up, then you'll disappoint them either way and, frankly, if that's their attitude, then who cares? I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

And now my rant is done.

ETA: Oops, just realized that the post I'm quoting is really old. Sorry. But my points still stand.

thedudette

Fri, Feb 10 2012, 3:11 pm

mommyla wrote:

Fabulous wrote:

agreed.

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 9:47 am

bump up- curious nowadays what is going rate for a couple to give at a wedding?

ChutzPAh

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 10:02 am

$180.00

b from nj

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 10:45 am

Usually somewhere between $100-$150 with $100 being on the cheap side.

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 10:53 am

While we're bumping, if you get an invitation to a sheva brachot with an explanation that they decided to make a small wedding with just immediate family and the couple's closest friends but the parents are inviting all their friends to a big sheva brachot, do you give the same amount? Less? Nothing at all? It's catered so you can't bring your famous challah/kugel/cake/whatever that you usually bring to these things.

anon in case anyone else got the same invitation

b from nj

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 10:56 am

amother wrote:

I would probably give less for a sheva brachot invite than for a wedding even if it is catered or maybe I'd buy a gift instead of giving cash.

amother

Thu, Oct 23 2014, 11:02 am

just want to clarify are the amounts being posted for middle aged doctor/lawyer/successful business men type people or your average thirty year olds? I'm also talking about outside of Brooklyn or Teaneck which I'm guessing makes a difference.
Thanks!