What is acceptable? (re: helping recovering birthmom)

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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goldrose

Sat, Jan 07 2006, 5:51 pm

A woman on my street just gave birth. I think she has about 5 other kids. --See, I don't know her at all. I know her name, and that she had a baby.

I have some time on my hands in the mornings as my kids are in school. Can I help? Is it weird? What can I do?

Crayon210

Sat, Jan 07 2006, 5:57 pm

It's great that you want to help her!

Do you know ANYTHING about her? Where she/her husbands davens? Then maybe you can get in touch with her rebbetzin and ask her... is there someone in your community who generally deals with helping women after they've given birth? Do you know any of her friends?

I guess if none of those things work, you can just call her house or go over personally and introduce yourself, and offer your services. After I had a baby, I would have allowed anyone and everyone to help me in whatever way they could (well, except the lady who accidentally gave me food poisoning...)

red sea

Sat, Jan 07 2006, 5:57 pm

I think most pple, esp with a bunch of kids could and would appreciate and use the help, why don't you just call & introduce yourself and ask her what you could help her with at that time.

goldrose

Sat, Jan 07 2006, 5:59 pm

But if I'd call her and say 'what can I do for you' dont you think she'd say 'I dont know' -
I mean, I dont think she'd feel comfortable to invite me in the house and do her laundry, although I don't think I would have a problem with it.

BrachaVHatzlocha

Sat, Jan 07 2006, 6:16 pm

offer to take any toddlers for an hour or two, if she has one at home -- I'm sure she'd appreciate it, if she doesn't feel uncomfortable.
Or you can just send over lunch or dinner.

red sea

Sat, Jan 07 2006, 6:29 pm

Think of a few things you would want to help with and offer her a choice - pple are more likely to accept when given choices.

chocolate moose

Sun, Jan 08 2006, 11:31 am

You could just offer the time - however, you could offer to do errands when you're doing your own. And I'd be specific - dry cleaners, butcher, etc. That way she' won't think she's imposing.

But I would think that she wouldn't want someone else in the house, I'd think she'd want quiet to rest.

shopaholic

Mon, Jan 09 2006, 7:45 am

Yeah, you're best off offering something specific like making a meal or having her kids over or running errands for her. I'm sure she;ll appreciate it & will at least take a meal from you. That alweays helps.

chen

Mon, Jan 09 2006, 10:33 am

How very thoughtful of you to want to do this for someone you barely know!

Make up a bunch of "coupons" good for whatever services you are interested in providing, e.g. several coupons each for an hour of babysitting, a trip to the supermarket, bringing clothes to/from the cleaners, washing/drying/folding a load of laundry, providing a casserole or kugel or soup or main dish for shabbos, and so on. Then she can redeem what she wants when she needs it. If you include both in-the-house and out-of-the-house services, she can select only outside services if she does not want people in her house.

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