How to become BT when you are married to a non-Jew

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Inspired

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 3:42 am

shalhevet wrote:

.

And then the discussion just became theoretical, because I was just arguing with the idea that someone is saying being married to a [gentile] is 'just' the problem she is a zonah, as if it is just a different definition, as if we're saying well, we have blonde Jews and red-haired Jews, we have frum Jews who are a zonah, and others that aren't.

She already has the status of zona, and she always will. Ans she also already married him (the actual issur here). Zona is actually just another category. It is something spiritual, just one more thing assur to a kohen. Not an issur to be one. And again, it is offensive to giyoros (and wrong lifee hatorah) for you to state otherwise).

Besiyata Dishmaya

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 6:29 am

MeThinks wrote:

grin wrote:

maybe it's like electricity on Shabbos - we all know how terribly wrong it is, but we're not sure what aveira to categorize it under. I was told that for a Jew to marry a shaigetz is like shifchas zera levatala.

That's for a Jewish man, not a woman. And you can't compare chillul Shabbos to marrying a [gentile].

mali wrote:

why can't you compare the two?

Chillul Shabbos is worse! A woman to marry a [gentile] is a lav, a lo saaseh, like eating treifus and neveilus, but chillul Shabbos is an issur skilah, stoning.

Crayon210

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 7:04 am

We don't decide which aveira is worse based on the punishments involved. That's a mishna in Avos, isn't it?

Besiyata Dishmaya

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 9:38 am

Crayon210 wrote:

We don't decide which aveira is worse based on the punishments involved. That's a mishna in Avos, isn't it?

You’re referring to Pirkei Avos, Perek 2, Mishna 1. There it says: one should be careful to observe all mitzvos – “havei zohir bemitzvo kalo kevachamura – the easy ones like the severe ones, because you don’t know the reward for the mitzvos”.
But if you look into the perush of Bartenura there, you’ll see that this rule refers only to mitzvos asei – positive mitzvos. Since the reward for these mitzvos is not specified in the Torah, one cannot assess which is light and which is severe.
However, in reference to mitzvos lo saseh – transgressions, the Bartenura specifically points out that we could evaluate which is light and which is severe. This is according to the punishment the Torah places upon the person. The severe punishment to the severe sins and the lighter punishments for the lighter transgressions. See Bartenura.

chavamom

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 9:49 am

chanchy123 wrote:

shalhevet wrote:

Being 'married' to a non-Jew and being married to someone not frum are two completely different issues. Marriage to a non-Jew is assur, whereas to someone non-frum there is no reason to necessarily break up the marriage (providing the wife keeps TH).

Although someone has to divorce his/her non-Jewish spouse I agree that it is not a good idea to throw out the idea to someone becoming BT. As time goes on either s/he will realize that it is assur and divorce, or the spouse will get interested too and convert. That is not something to throw at someone in the initial stages of frumkeit, just like we don't throw all the mitzvas at them in one go.

I totally agree.

It's not just "not a good idea", esp. if there are children involved. That is why I said ask a shaila. You might be surprised how rabbis posken on this issue.

chavamom

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 9:51 am

Shalhevet, as someone who has had to deal with this situation numerous times, all I can say is it is never as simple as you are presenting it (yes, I've known cases where they said she should wear a shaitel and go to the mikvah) and that there are major, major shailas involved, ones which are way above our chit chat at imamother.

Seraph

Mon, Nov 03 2008, 10:38 am

HindaRochel wrote:

Seraph wrote:

HindaRochel wrote:

I know of a family in which that happened. Eventually the dh converted.

is it who I think it is?

If I wanted to state that I would. Wink

Lol. if it is who I think it is, I've known for a while.

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