The Giving Tree | Imamother

sunshine!

Wed, Nov 19 2008, 12:33 pm

I read this book by Shel Silverstein as a teen and it made an impact on me. I recently picked up a copy at a garage sale and read it to my 5 year old. I was astonished when he grasped the complexity of the story, feeling mad at the selfish boy and bad for the tree. I will post the story in brief, and am curious to see what your thoughts are on this book.

THE GIVING TREE

There was once a great apple tree and a little boy. They would spend hours and hours together. The boy would play in the tree's branches, sleep at her roots and eat of her apples. And the tree loved the boy.

One day, the boy came to the tree. The tree was delighted and beckoned, "Come and play!" But the boy was no longer a boy; he was now a young man, and he was interested in making a living, but he didn't know how.
"Here," the tree said, "take my apples and sell them." The young man did just that, and the tree was happy.

Years passed, and the tree was lonely without the young man. One day, he returned, and the tree was delighted, but he was now interested in settling down. He wanted to build a house.
"Here," the tree said, "Cut off my branches and build your house." The young man did just that, and the tree was happy.

Years passed, and the tree still missed her friend. One day, the man returned, and the tree was again overjoyed. But the man was now older and tired of life; he wanted to get away from it all.
"Here," the tree offered, "Cut me down. Make for yourself a boat, and sail the world in it." The man did just that, and the tree was happy.

Many years passed, seasons came and went, and the tree was very lonely. She missed her friend, and she often thought about the old days, when they had such fun. Finally, she saw her friend coming over the hill, and she was delighted.
But the boy was now an old man, no longer able to play or make money or to sail away. And he was tired.

"Here, my friend," the tree said, "I still have a pretty good stump left. Won't you sit and rest?" The old man did that, and the tree was happy.

This is not the actual text of the book, just the main idea.
I had two thoughts when reading it. Firstly I thought of the relationship between parents and children, and how a parent learns to give unconditionally, even when children seem ungrateful and unappreciative. The other thing I felt was a lesson to be learned was the diffrences between needs and wants. At every point in the story, the boy WANTS things that will get him further in life and the only thing he NEEDS at the end is a place to rest.

What are your thoughts?

greenfire

Wed, Nov 19 2008, 12:37 pm

quite a sensitive little sonny boy you got there ... I too feel the same way ...

it's a lesson in life to stop and smell the apples and appreciate that around you ... life should be a give & take ... not just a take take take ... I feel sad for the tree

sometimes I feel like the tree Crying

sunshine!

Thu, Nov 20 2008, 10:37 am

I guess this wasn't as thought provoking as I thought it to be. Oh well, so much for sharing my inspirations..

Mimisinger

Thu, Nov 20 2008, 11:05 am

I hate this book. Always have. People get so inspired by this book, and how giving the tree was. It's not about that. It's all about how much the boy takes. THe tree gave so much that he gave all of himself up - not the message that I want to send.

A few years ago, I was in shul, listening to the Rabbi's drasha and he brought up the Giving Tree. I was thinking, "great, here we go again," but B"H he agreed with me! If you give of yourself so much that you are taken advantage of and are abused, what does that say?

Let me reiterate - I HATE THIS BOOK!

Phew, done Smile

zaq

Thu, Nov 20 2008, 11:49 am

THANK YOU, Mimisinger! I have always hated but hated this book, even before I went to a shabbaton and the leader read this book aloud, claiming the boy is am yisrael and the tree is mashiach. what drivel!

I feel ill every time people rave how beeyooteefull this book is. It's a horrible tale. The tree is a masochistic doormat and the boy a selfish lout. They would both have been a lot better off had the tree, when the boy was in his teens, dropped a branch or two on his head and said "that's it, go make your own way in the world, I'm off to learn ballroom dancing and volunteer at the soup kitchen."

Much nicer is the book about a baby boy whose mom sets him on her lap and reads to him and does all that warm fuzzy stuff, even when he's an adult (Ok, that part is a little nauseating), and then when she's old and frail he sets her on his lap and reads to her and does all the things for her that she used to do for him.

I prefer shel silverstein when he's being his clever, tart, Ogden-Nash-ish self, not tryng to be a guru.

Pizza

Thu, Nov 20 2008, 1:10 pm

Im so glad Im not the only one... I have hated this story since the first time my husband showed it to me, when we were engaged. I thought there was something wrong with my outlook... gotta love Imamother!!

So now I know... Im normal (well, relatively,at least ... depends on the sanity of my fellow posters... LOL

btMOMtoFFBs

Thu, Nov 20 2008, 2:57 pm

I also dislike the book. I call it "the pushover tree". What is the lesson its trying to impart? I have no idea. A very weird story.

morahl

Sat, Nov 22 2008, 3:07 pm

Ok, I agree that the book is disturbing. Here's another take on it. The tree was only happy when it was giving. It didn't care about it's branches, fruit, and other material elements, it just wanted to fulfill it's purpose that Hashem put it on earth for. It was sad when it had no one to give to. The boy was not a giver, and we don't get the feeling he was ever happy, no matter how much he received. At the end of the story, the tree was happy and the boy was a tired old man.

mimivan

Sat, Nov 22 2008, 4:33 pm

I didn't hate this book but found it disturbing...and perhaps a bit deep and interesting if looked at in a certain way. I have always liked Shel Silverstein but never read it until I was pregnant with my first child and was babysitting.

I read the book to a 5 year old boy, and at the end of the book, I just sobbed and sobbed (I was so embarrassed I buried my head in a pillow...the boy just stared at me

(my pregnancy hormones always make me cry ....at anything)

It kind of made me feel scared to be a mother. Because aren't all kids a bit like this? Even if we teach them derech Eretz, they do take because they know we are willing to give. Of course children should be taught limits, consequences and responsibilty...but what wouldn't we do for our kids...we would give them the food off our plates if chas v'shalom we didn't have enough..

If the book is supposed to be a mushal for a parent-child relationship, I think the book is beautiful and more than a bit sad.

In the context of any other relationship...forget it..

Raisin

Sat, Nov 22 2008, 4:42 pm

I thought the message of the book is: do not be like the boy. Do not take and take till there is nothing left. Trees don't have a choice, but people do.

And, if you take and take and take, chances are you will end up an old grumpy, lonely man with only a tree for company.

mimivan

Sat, Nov 22 2008, 4:44 pm

Yes!!!
Which is why I am looking for the book translated into Hebrew...to cure my kids from "gimmee gimmee gimmee" itis...and when Ima's branches are creaking...give her a break!

tovarena

Sat, Nov 22 2008, 10:42 pm

mimivan wrote:

Yes!!!
Which is why I am looking for the book translated into Hebrew...to cure my kids from "gimmee gimmee gimmee" itis...and when Ima's branches are creaking...give her a break!

I got it in Hebrew years ago. I just did a search and it looks like a bunch of his books are available in Hebrew.

leomom

Sat, Nov 22 2008, 11:29 pm

Miryam Swerdlov read this book out loud when I saw her speak in NJ about a decade ago... she absolutely ripped it to pieces (figuratively speaking).

When I was a child, I loved it... but when I read it again as an adult, I felt like I had been misled somehow. Because to a child, it looks and sounds so sweet, but its message is complex and unsettling. But maybe many children's books are like that...

TheBeinoni

Sun, Nov 23 2008, 3:39 am

Quote:

I feel ill every time people rave how beeyooteefull this book is. It's a horrible tale. The tree is a masochistic doormat and the boy a selfish lout. They would both have been a lot better off had the tree, when the boy was in his teens, dropped a branch or two on his head and said "that's it, go make your own way in the world, I'm off to learn ballroom dancing and volunteer at the soup kitchen."

To play devil's advocate here, saying the above is like saying that Hashem is a masochist. Hashem GIVES AND GIVES AND GIVES US. He gives us every breath of every second of life! And what do we do many times? Waste our time by not serving Him to the best of our ability. We take and take and take from Hashem, yet He still keeps giving. Sure, He sends us nisayonot here and there, some more than others, but even through those nisayonot He NEVER, absolutely ever, leaves us! A concept from Tomer Devora goes like this: even if someone mistreats you is even a rasha you should still give him chesed not only because he is connected to the avot and therefore has their zechut, but also because Hashem "pardons iniquity" and tolerates the worst of the worst.

" 2. Who pardons iniquity

Behold, this attribute is greater than the previous one. For whenever a person commits a transgression, a destructive being is created – as stated in the Mishnah (Avos 4:13), “He who commits a single transgression acquires against himself a single accuser”. And this accuser stands before the Holy One, Blessed is He, and declares, “So and so created me.” Considering that no being in the world exists without the bestowing of life from the Holy One, Blessed is He, then this destructive being which stands before Him, with what sustenance does he exist? The strict measure of justice would justify that the Holy One, Blessed is He, should claim, “I do not nourish destructive beings! Go to the one who made you, and derive your sustenance from him.” The destructive being would then immediately descend and take his life, or cut him off from his spiritual source, or he would receive his deserving punishment until the destructive being would cease to be. Nevertheless, the Holy One, Blessed is He, does not do this. Rather, He bears and tolerates the sin, and just as He nourishes the entire world, He nourishes and sustains this destructive being until one of three things happens: Either the sinner repents, and destroys and nullifies it (the destructive being) through his acts of penance; or the righteous judge nullifies it through the suffering or death of the sinner; or he will descend to Gehinnom to repay his debt there. This is also the explanation of Kayin’s plea, “Is my sin too great to bear?” (Bereishis 4:13), which our Sages (Tanchumah Breishis, Chap 9) interpreted as: “You tolerate the entire world!: meaning – You nourish and sustain. “Is my sin so severe that You cannot tolerate it: - meaning to sustain it (the destructive being), until I repent and rectify the sin?” Thus, that G-d nourishes and sustains the evil creature created by the sinner, until he repents, represents a great quality of tolerance.

From this, man should learn to what extent he should be tolerant. He should tolerate the wrong of his fellow and his harm, even though he harmed him to such a degree, that the harm he caused him continues to exist. He should tolerate this until his fellow rectifies the wrong himself or it (the harm) disappears on its own. And the same applies to other situations.

Is that teaching us to be masochists? Absolutely not.

Sure what I am saying maybe works better in theory than in reality, but I just had to throw it out there......

momof5boys

Sun, Nov 23 2008, 5:07 am

It is a nice book and I've used it in Bibilotherapy to show stages of growing up and how our relationships change... but as a message, it is very Christian, this idea of just giving and giving (and the little boy taking and taking).
Kids identify with the boy instead of the tree so the message of Chesed is not really developed.

Still, the picutres are great!

for Adult fun- real Shel Silverstien's other wacky book with the story about Abigail... (the one who died "she really did because her parents did not buy her a pony * " (* this is book to read to your parents when they dont' buy you the things that you want...)