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My special uncle passed away
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Chocoholic




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 12:21 pm
It seemed he had such a special and appreciative view on life....
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GAMZu




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 1:16 pm
Quote:
what an incredible family, to be able to give him a fulfilling life when bringing him up over 60 years ago, when so many of the treatments/ knowledge/ acceptance by society was not available as it is today.

I totally agree! That's one wonderful family you have. I'm sorry about your uncle's passing. Sad Thank you for sharing the poem with us.
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bashinda




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 1:53 pm
Baruch Dayan haEmes. What a special person. Thank you for sharing this with us. DS, maybe you can put in the article for your next issue?
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 2:32 pm
I appreciate everyone's comments very much. It's so nice to see that for all that we argue different opinions we really do have support here on imamother in the form of real women behind our screen names and personas.

I went home to take care of my kids, and now I'm back with my father, who is the only person sitting shiva for Sheldon. My father is dozing in between visitors. I'd like to share some background about my uncle. Sheldon was born in the Bronx, New York in 1942 to my grandparents, Esther and Nathan Goldstein, who were immigrants from Europe from before World War II. The doctors advised them to place their baby, who was "Mongoloid" (he had Down Syndrome), in an institution, but they wouldn't hear of it. Instead, they raised him at home. Without much in the way of support, and without any early intervention, my grandparents taught their little boy to care for his physical needs and speak respectfully to neighbors. As a little girl, I remember my Grandma Esther instructing him to say, "Hello, Mr. Fried. Good morning, Mrs. Schneider." Everyone loved this child, who was "a sick boy but so polite".

As my uncle grew older, he attended some sort of general "class for the mentally [crazy]" at the local public school. He was taught to read, write and travel on busses and trains. This training served him well when he got a job as a message deliverer. He also volunteered at a center that provided meals for senior citizens – he set and cleared tables, and prepared coffee. People loved to have him around. He was caring, friendly and had a great sense of humor.

He was always provided with some pocket money. Sheldon enjoyed taking walks alone and choosing a can of soda or an ice cream. Not once was he cheated by a salesperson.

Miracles seemed to happen for him. As a toddler, he went missing in a bungalow colony. Everyone was frantic, asking, "Where's the baby, where's the baby?" He was found in the bull pen, with a gigantic bull and Sheldon just staring at each other. He also survived being hit by a car when he was seven. (The car accident made sense to him as an explanation for his being different from other people – he would say, "That's why I am the way I am.")

Sheldon (Shmuel Leib) was taught to say brachos before eating, and the brachos for the Torah. His bar mitzvah was celebrated with much joy. He was always welcomed in shuls, occasionally being honored with some sort of aliyah.
After both of his parents died, Sheldon went to live with his brother and sister-in-law (my parents). When they made aliyah, so did he. In Israel, he won a well deserved award for his volunteer work at a secondhand shop. My father kept him busy and happy with activities such as a special needs bowling group, a reading review class and a day center. These social activities were arranged privately by my father (My mother was niftar a few years after making aliyah).

Around age 60, Sheldon began to experience gradual signs of mental and physical dementia – a condition similar to Alzheimers that we learned affects people with Down Syndrome who live to an older age. Eventually, my father hired a foreign health care worker to live in his home and care for my uncle's needs. Hashem blessed us with an incredibly devoted aide from the Philippines.

Last night my uncle succumbed to his health challenges. He died at home with his family, just as he always lived. My Uncle Sheldon brought together the esteemed Modern Orthodox Rabbi Daniel Beller, and the renowned Chassidish Admor Mi'Cleveland / Clevelander Rebbe, to say a hesped for him side by side at his funeral.

One thing the Clevelander said: We should all strive to enter and exit the world the way Shmuel Leib did – without sin.

One thing Rabbi Beller said: Sheldon's life teaches us that the word "no" is only in the imagination.
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downsyndrome




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 2:46 pm
Wow, Isramom, I am touched to the core by what you wrote about Uncle Sheldon, and imagine that you imagine why that is so.
Thank you so much for sharing. May Uncle Sheldon have an aliyah in Gan Eden and may the Ribono Shel Olam bring a nechama to his family, friends, and the community at large.
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Inspired




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 2:48 pm
I was privileged to know uncle Sheldon for 15 years.
He always had a smile for everyone. Even though life could be frustrating for him he just kept smiling. He was always considerate of others.
Isramom, I just keep remembering the sweet innocent way he related to everyone, and I keep hearing his voice asking for a glass of coke.
Uncle Sheldon will be missed.
Send my love to your father. I hope he is okay. Crying
((hugs))
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 2:50 pm
I'm sorry about your loss. He sounds like he was such a special person.
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 2:59 pm
Inspired wrote:
I was privileged to know uncle Sheldon for 15 years.
He always had a smile for everyone. Even though life could be frustrating for him he just kept smiling. He was always considerate of others.
Isramom, I just keep remembering the sweet innocent way he related to everyone, and I keep hearing his voice asking for a glass of coke.
Uncle Sheldon will be missed.
Send my love to your father. I hope he is okay. Crying
((hugs))



You know, Inspired, Rabbi Beller kept mentioning Sheldon's smile at the levaya, and people were smiling through their tears. Did you give him Coke when he asked? PM me with the details. My father is very sad, but okay.
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Bambamama




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 3:01 pm
Wow. Thanks so much for posting that. How inspirational!
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ChossidMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 3:18 pm
Thanks for sharing all that about Uncle Sheldon.
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HAPPYMOMMY




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 3:20 pm
BDE. I'm sorry for your loss. He sounds really special, thank you for sharing.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 4:04 pm
I truly cried now when I read what you wrote about your uncle's life.
Not only your uncle but your grandparents and parents were incredible people.
I can only assume from the stories that you are the same.
It is a priviledge to read something like that and I am only sorry that I did not have the privildege to know your uncle. I envy those people who did.

Again, may he be a melitz yosher for all of us because he was certainly without sin and is now in the arms of the Ribono Shel Olam straight in Gan Eden with no stops on the way.

Halevai on all of us to attain such a level of goodness.
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tovasmom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 4:30 pm
BDE. Thank you, Isramom, for sharing the inspiring story of your family and your "special" Uncle Sheldon. It is clear that despite his challenges, he touched the lives of many in a very positive way. May your family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
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Atali




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 6:29 pm
Thank you for sharing that. BDE.
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ShakleeMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 6:35 pm
Baruch Dayan Haemes. I just took my two little ones to the home this afternoon to show off the new baby to our special friends there. The sincere mazel tov’s I got there were invaluable. May the memories of him serve as a continuing chinuch moment for many generations.
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cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2008, 7:56 pm
Thank you for sharing this. How special for your family to have been strengthened and inspired by your uncle.
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ChavieK




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 25 2008, 12:59 pm
The poem was beautiful.Thank you for sharing it with us.So far what you told us about your uncle & your parents is so inspiring. I would like to hear more about him.
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 25 2008, 3:45 pm
I listen to my father talk to people during shiva, and here are a few more things I learned:

Grandma Esther and Grandpa Nathan met with several experts, all of whom advised them to place their baby in an institution. One day, after my grandfather returned home from yet another meeting with a doctor, my grandmother had had enough. She told him, "They keep dogs as pets in their homes, but they tell us to give up our child. Don't go to them anymore."

My grandparents would say, "We won't make him into a brilliant scholar, but we can make him into a mentch." And they did.
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cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 25 2008, 3:46 pm
Isramom8 wrote:


My grandparents would say, "We won't make him into a brilliant scholar, but we can make him into a mentch." And they did.


I think these are wise words from any parent.
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mama-star




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 25 2008, 6:17 pm
thank you so much, isramom8, for sharing about uncle sheldon. how wonderful that he was so loved and cared for by so many. I also love the poem, and I plan on printing it out. how old was he when he wrote it?
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