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My special uncle passed away
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 25 2008, 3:38 pm
mama-star wrote:
thank you so much, isramom8, for sharing about uncle sheldon. how wonderful that he was so loved and cared for by so many. I also love the poem, and I plan on printing it out. how old was he when he wrote it?


46
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 25 2008, 3:39 pm
Rabbi Beller read it at his funeral.
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soldat




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 25 2008, 3:58 pm
thank you for sharing, I was touched
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mama-star




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 25 2008, 5:59 pm
I printed the poem and it's now hanging in my computer desk. thank you again...
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 25 2008, 8:29 pm
I just want to say that my purpose in this thread is to share information about my uncle's life. I'm glad it's inspiring. I'm not judging anyone for decisions that differ from the ones my family members made.
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 01 2008, 3:59 am
People I meet have said a lot of nice and appropriate things, but here are some surprising and sad things too:

"I want to comfort your father but I'm uncomfortable because in this case I don't know what to say." (implying that the usual things are inapplicable)

"Maybe it's not nice to say, but these people suffer so much that it's better this way."

"Now your father can get out and do things." (My father teaches and just produced his first album of Yiddish folk songs.)

"He was company for your father but I think your uncle didn't really have a life." (said by a woman whose husband is nowhere to be seen, whose daughter is divorced, and whose granddaughter is anorexic and suicidal - I replied that I think my father thinks differently.)

Most people do "get it" though, and have been very supportive. Smile
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GAMZu




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 01 2008, 4:47 am

Takes all kinds of people to make this world...
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ChossidMom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 01 2008, 5:51 am
Talk about stupid and tactless.

But it's interesting to know what people actually think, no? It's a narrow minded and stigma-oriented world out there.
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 02 2008, 1:10 pm
Dear Imamothers,

It is traditional to complete the study of a Jewish text in honor of a recently deceased person.

My Uncle Sheldon passed away on 26 Cheshvan.

In Sheldon's memory, I offer you the opportunity to join me in a special learning program.

If you'd like to participate, please study one chapter of the classical Jewish book of guarding our speech, the Chafetz Chaim, in memory of Shmuel Leib ben Nosson v'Esther zichrono livracha. One thing I'd be happy if we learned from his life is seeing the good in every person, and guarding our speech is really about that.

Please choose one chapter of this book and complete it by the start of Chanukah.
PM me to notify me of the chapter you have chosen, and again when you have completed it.

An English rendition of the Chafetz Chaim book can be found online at http://torah.org/learning/halashon/.
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pacifier




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 02 2008, 2:50 pm
this is soooo inspiring. It really makes us realize that a person with down syndrom is a person, albeit with more challenges and limitations.
I say chazak for your grandparents, father, and everyone who helped him overcome his challenges as much as possible.
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 12 2009, 12:03 pm
I'm putting my article, as it appeared in Hamodia, here, so that it can be somewhere online.

My Special Uncle
Sheldon Goldstein
Shmuel Leib ben Nosson v'Esther z"l

by Elana Horwitz
Raanana


My uncle, Sheldon Goldstein (Shmuel Leib ben Nosson v'Esther), was niftar on 26 Cheshvan, at the age of 66. Uncle Sheldon had Down Syndrome. In his lifetime, he managed to learn to care for himself, and care for others. He learned to travel, read and vote. He volunteered in the community and made many friends. We will always love him.

Sheldon was born in the Bronx, New York in 1942 to my grandparents, Esther and Nathan Goldstein, who were immigrants from Europe from before World War II.

With effort, Grandma Esther and Grandpa Nathan succeeding in meeting with several experts, all of whom advised them to place their baby, who was "Mongoloid" (he had Down Syndrome), in an institution, because they believed that he would never walk, talk or amount to anything. My grandmother did not feel comfortable with this advice. She told my grandfather, "These "chachamim" keep dogs as pets in their homes, but they tell us to give up our child. Don't go to them anymore. We will handle things in our own way." Grandma Esther invented her own therapies, devoting many hours to singing with my uncle, patiently explaining concepts and instructing her son in life skills. Sheldon was taught to speak respectfully to neighbors. As a little girl, I remember my Grandma Esther instructing him to say, "Hello, Mr. Fried. Good morning, Mrs. Schneider." Everyone loved this child, who was "a sick boy but so polite".

As my uncle grew older, he attended some sort of general "class for the mentally [crazy]" at the local public school. He was taught to read, write and travel on busses and trains. This training served him well when he got a job as a message deliverer. He also volunteered at a center that provided meals for senior citizens – he set and cleared tables, and prepared coffee. People loved to have him around. He was caring, friendly and had a great sense of humor.

He was always provided with some pocket money. Sheldon enjoyed taking walks alone and choosing a can of soda or an ice cream. Not once was he cheated by a salesperson.

Miracles seemed to happen for him. As a toddler, he went missing in a bungalow colony. Everyone was frantic, asking, "Where's the baby, where's the baby?" He was found in the bull pen, with a gigantic bull and Sheldon just staring at each other. He also survived being hit by a car when he was seven. (The car accident made sense to him as an explanation for his being different from other people – he would say, "That's why I am the way I am.")

Shmuel Leib was taught to say brachos for food, and the brachos for the Torah. His bar mitzvah was celebrated with much joy. He was always welcomed in shuls, occasionally being honored with some sort of aliyah. My grandparents would say, "We won't make him into a brilliant scholar, but we can make him into a mentch." And they did.

After both of his parents died, Sheldon went to live with his brother and sister-in-law, my parents Dr. Irwin and Carole Goldstein, in Queens, New York. When they made aliyah, so did he. In Israel, he won a well deserved award for his volunteer work at a secondhand shop. My father kept him busy and happy with activities such as a special needs bowling group, a reading review class and a day center. These social activities were arranged privately by my father (My mother passed away few years after making aliyah).

Around age 60, Sheldon began to experience gradual signs of mental and physical dementia – a condition similar to Alzheimers that we learned affects people with Down Syndrome who live to an older age. Eventually, my father hired a foreign health care worker to live in his home and care for my uncle's needs. Hashem blessed us with an incredibly devoted aide from the Philippines.

My uncle finally succumbed to his health challenges. He died at home with his family, just as he always lived. My Uncle Sheldon brought together the esteemed Modern Orthodox Rabbi Daniel Beller of Raanana, and the renowned Chassidish Admor Mi'Cleveland / Clevelander Rebbe of Raanana, to say a hesped for him side by side at his funeral.

One thing the Clevelander said: We should all strive to enter and exit the world the way Shmuel Leib did – without sin.

One thing Rabbi Beller said: Sheldon's life teaches us that the word "no" is only in the imagination.

My purpose in this essay is to share information about my uncle's life. I do not mean to judge anyone for decisions that differ from the ones my family members made. I daven that Uncle Sheldon's life will inspire us to better the ways we relate to one another.

During his first visit to Eretz Yisrael, my uncle wrote this poem:

This is a far land of love
What can I say about Israel?
People live here in Israel
It is in our hearts and in our soul
Forevermore.

Looking at people, that is what I see
They are in our hearts
Forevermore

I see an old man
And also I see an old woman
You could cry in your heart

Let's not forget our Rabbis
That we love so much

And let's not forget our kinder and our maidels
They always will be in our hearts
And in our soul
To be loved always

Please just listen what we say
Listen to the sound of pray
Come in with us to our synagogue
And pray with us
Together as one

And open up your heart
And you will know inside of you

Look up in the sky and you will see lights
The golden stars of Israel
Of love
Forevermore

by Sheldon Goldstein
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DefyGravity




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 12 2009, 12:11 pm
Thanks so much for sharing this.
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ChossidMom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 12 2009, 12:35 pm
Beautiful. Thank you. May he be a meilitz yosher for all of us!
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2009, 7:04 am
My Uncle Sheldon Video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9KHP1yaZug


And here is a poem I wrote about his mother a"h, my Grandma Esther:

Secret Of Her Dance
Elana Horwitz
Originally published in Down Syndrome Amongst Us

Esther was a woman of experienced years
and I was a child
so when our family went to that place where there was music and
fascinating people were dancing
I tried hard to fit in
but my steps were different, somehow
and I felt alone.

Then Grandma Esther said
Elana
we will dance together.

She took my hand.

Grandma Esther said
you don't have to
dance like everyone is dancing.

You can form your own circle
with your family.

You just join hands
with the people close to you
the plain people you find at your side
all the time
and step in tune with them.

You keep a smile on your face
and take small steps
together.

Esther was an exquisite dancer
a skilled artist
her vision brilliant on the moment, she composed
a dance that outlasted
her.

Elana Horwitz
Originally published in Down Syndrome Amongst Us
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frumluv




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2009, 7:15 am
Thank you so much for sharing! The words you wrote about your Uncle Sheldon are so moving. Very nice video.
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ny21




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2009, 8:47 am
nice video
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 13 2009, 4:25 am
Today is my Uncle Sheldon's first yahrtzeit. We had a minyan at the cemetery saying Tehillim and all the appropriate tefilos. My father spoke about how often we judge a person based on his intellectual capabilities, but middos are more important. Sheldon behaved with compassion, empathy and chessed, and lives on in our memory.

This Wednesday night my father is holding a Taste of Yiddish event in memory of his brother, Shmuel Leib ben Nosson, yehei zichro baruch.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 13 2009, 4:40 am
Thank you Isramom for sharing this with us again. Your uncle was a special man and I remembered the original thread and read through all of it once again.
You were zocheh to have a special uncle, wonderful grandparents and wonderful parents and I am sure that you and your children learned much about how to be better people, better menschen and better Yidden from what you saw at home.
You are much blessed.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 13 2009, 7:39 am
I got to the bottom of the page and was wondering why this sounded familiar till I noticed the date.
You can't imagine the zechuyos that accompanied him (and his parents) for the hope his life and story offered so many. I hope that's some measure of nechama.
Yehi zichro baruch.
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 27 2009, 3:38 am
View my new YouTube video!

Don't miss my father singing at 6:30 minutes.

My father made a Yiddish event in honor of my Uncle Sheldon's first yahrtzeit. Sheldon, who had Down Syndrome, was a remarkable man.
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