poor table manners

amother

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:54 pm

I come from a family that has poor table manners. (Think eating chicken with your hands). I've tried very hard to break the habit, but I wasn't so great at it. I've slipped and now my small children copy me. Sad

I would really like for them to grow up with good table manners. Any advice?

flowerpower

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:55 pm

If you are aware of your habits then you can work on them. Pick the three most important ones and try working on those first. There is nothing easier then teaching kids when they are still very young so get to work.

greenfire

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:58 pm

it's okay to eat some things some times with your hands ... you just have to teach the the where & whens ... imho Mr. Green

mummiedearest

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:38 pm

my husband eats chicken with his hands. he always says that's the proper way to eat chicken. I think there's a cultural difference between us here. when we were engaged he came to my parents' house for a shabbos meal for the first time and ate the chicken with his hands. my mother thought he was starving Smile

she kept offering more and he kept saying no thanks. I didn't realize that he thinks this is proper until after we were married.

anyway, I have no idea what our kids will do. they'll probably pick that up from him. but here it's a cultural question, so I guess it's different from the op.

op, get yourself a copy of emily post. tell your children you are going to play a game and follow ALL her instructions. you can have lots of fun with this. do it for a few meals in a row and see what happens.

greenfire

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:47 pm

lol my dd says she's gonna eat with her hands on her first date ... the guy will relax & burp ... then they will live happily ever after ... 8)

mummiedearest

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 7:02 pm

greenfire wrote:

lol my dd says she's gonna eat with her hands on her first date ... the guy will relax & burp ... then they will live happily ever after ... 8)

dh and I made walrus faces with our chopsticks on one date...

supermama2

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 9:08 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

greenfire wrote:

lol my dd says she's gonna eat with her hands on her first date ... the guy will relax & burp ... then they will live happily ever after ... 8)

dh and I made walrus faces with our chopsticks on one date...

that's great!

mummiedearest

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 9:09 pm

SarahO. wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

greenfire wrote:

lol my dd says she's gonna eat with her hands on her first date ... the guy will relax & burp ... then they will live happily ever after ... 8)

dh and I made walrus faces with our chopsticks on one date...

that's great!

we thought so too. we recently went to a chinese restaurant without the kids and reenacted the walrus face for old times' sake.

amother

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 4:28 am

I sympathize! In my parents home, chewing on chicken bones was a favorite part of my meal ( so was the skin Puke

). My husband is the opposite- he doesn't even eat the chicken right around the bones! I pass on the bones when we eat together- but tell him not to look when I pick on every bit of chicken left on the bones!!
LOL

amother

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 4:28 am

I sympathize! In my parents home, chewing on chicken bones was a favorite part of my meal ( so was the skin Puke

Marion

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 4:31 am

SarahO. wrote:

Are you telling me that it's improper to eat a drum stick w/ your hands?!

Yes. Despite my grandmother's opinions that "fingers were made before forks".

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 4:32 am

growing up, one of my parents always ate the chicken down to the bone and then went for the cartlige. it was jst normal, not bad table manners. it was not done in a gross way.
in my husbands home, they eat the chicken with their hands, but also, not in a gross way that would make someone embarrassed of their table manners.
it just depends on how you do it, thats my opinion anyway.

the first time we stayed over at my in laws, I was the only one eating my chicken with a fork and knife and my MIL said "excuse my fingers, but my toes are busy" Smile

I really just think it depends on how it is done.

Ima'la

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 5:52 am

To respond to OP's question, maybe tell your children that this is not polite and that you know that you do it too by mistake sometimes, and "Let's all try to work on it together. If I make a mistake, you remind me, and if you forget, I'll remind you." Make sure to also practice with them a respectful way to remind you. I think this can be done with derech eretz if you're careful and clear about boundaries and phrasing.

Fabulous

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 9:57 am

greenfire wrote:

lol my dd says she's gonna eat with her hands on her first date ... the guy will relax & burp ... then they will live happily ever after ... 8)

My friend told me a story about a close friend of hers. She had a burping contest with her date. Guess what, they're happily married with 3 or 4 kids now. Confused

msctwg

Thu, Dec 04 2008, 1:35 pm

When we were little we used to get screamed at for anything my parents deemed inapropriate behaviour at the table. I vowed that when I had children I would not do the same thing. Now when my own childen do something at the table which I deem unmannerable (is that even a word?) I just give them this look. my children call it the Ima look. :wink I"m sure you all know it Wink

and they know that they have to change the way they are mannering.
However me thinks that me giving them the "IMa look" can also be considered bad manners?
hmm whatda ya think?

Ima'la

Fri, Dec 05 2008, 1:51 am

Depends what the "Ima look" looks like!

I have an "Ima look" for when I want dd to remember something that I think she should have remembered on her own (like to say thank you or something). The other day she gave it to me (for something I really should have remembered - she asks for the same (perfectly reasonable) thing every night)! It was cute and I complimented her that she did it with a smile, so it really wasn't chutzpadik, although it could have been had she done it without the friendly smile.