HELP! I feel so bad!

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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amother

Sun, May 06 2007, 10:34 am

I just gave birth bh to a wonderful adorable baby kh....

anyways, I have a two year old who is understandably having a hard time, and needs some time to adjust. I try very hard to be positive with her and give her lots of love and attention whenever I can. HOWever, there are times when I am sooo tired from being up at night, and stressed from the "baby blues". At those times I find myself loosing my patience with her, which of course makes her act up. This makes me feel terrible. I never got annoyed with her before the baby and if I did I worked extremely hard not to show it and it worked! But now, its ALOT harder! help, I feel so guilty..... Sad

mimivan

Sun, May 06 2007, 11:48 am

I can understand why you feel guilty but don't The same thing happened (is happening) to me. What is needed is more rest time, take care of your health, and have dh or someone else take the baby off your hands so you can spend more quality time with the older one. Use the time the baby is napping to bond. It is not easy...someone told me that for older children feel the same way about a new baby that we would feel about a second wife!
They get over it, though! Wink

amother

Sun, May 06 2007, 11:52 am

ya, thats part of why I feel bad because of how she must be feeling.... Confused

But its good to know its a stage Very Happy

Bh my husband is a huge help... but I just have to work hard on not loosing my patience with my older one even when I feel like im gonna calapse. do u have any good tips on staying calm when u dont feel it?

chen

Sun, May 06 2007, 11:58 am

Go into your room, shut the door and scream all your frustration and venom into your pillow. Then go out and do what you have to do.

mimivan

Sun, May 06 2007, 1:23 pm

Chen I'll try that! Sounds great!

amother

Sun, May 06 2007, 1:25 pm

lol, that might REALLY scare my toddler! BUT, I can try and do that quietly Wink

greenfire

Sun, May 06 2007, 1:27 pm

or go take a hot shower ... relaxing ... I agree with mimi make sure to eat ... and catnap when you can ... doing fun things with toddler to make her feel special ... like the big sister ... can help with this too ... good luck !!!

amother

Sun, May 06 2007, 8:32 pm

yes hot showers are great!! but not when my toddler and baby are awake.... that wouldnt be too safe. I try and get my dd excited abnout helping but I have to be EXTREMELY careful since she tries to hit the baby Confused

chen

Sun, May 06 2007, 8:42 pm

amother wrote:

lol, that might REALLY scare my toddler! BUT, I can try and do that quietly Wink

that's why I said scream into your pillow.

mimivan

Sun, May 06 2007, 8:55 pm

I don't know whether this is undermining my authority...(but getting angry tends to undermine my authority anyway, so I figure it was worth a try) but whenever I feel like I am "losing it" with my toddler, I pretend scream. (only when there is no real disciplinary issue involved). Like when he does something that is irritating but not terrible (that needs time out) I say "Chamood!! Ahh !! (not loud, pretend Ahh!) that's driving me nuts!!" He starts to Nervous

and
Or I'll "go after him" with a balloon, or try to tickle him.
But the pretend angry really makes him laugh.
I can't do this all the time obviously, but I do find some perfect moments for it and it releases tension and I think creates bonding between me and him. I don't think it makes him take me less seriously when he really does something that needs correction.

gryp

Sun, May 06 2007, 9:40 pm

Amother, see if you can switch from "Mommy mode" to "teacher mode." ie. if you were her teacher, not her mother, how would you react? it gives you an extra boost of patience when you think you've got none left. Wink

mimivan

Mon, May 07 2007, 12:55 am

BTW Chen, screaming in a pillow Thumbs Up

It made me stop feeling Twisted Evil

Thanks!!!

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