Valid Reasons for kids missing school

soldat

Wed, Jan 21 2009, 9:11 pm

I'm not sure what your looking for but as a teacher...
it really depends on how often.

you can take your kids out of school for a Dr. apointment or for a family wedding, but when the kid is missing 1 out of every 5 days, AND is starting to fall behind.... and then the parent blames the teacher for not sending work with the child.

the one really gets on my nerves is when kids are taken out by their parents to go to Disney World!
I mean come on, what a message are you sending to your children????
oh but its "just" kindergarten so who cares? Exploding anger

greenfire

Wed, Jan 21 2009, 10:31 pm

GR wrote:

I think kids are in school so much that they deserve a break. I'd have no problem keeping my kids home once in a while only because they want a vacation day.

I'm with you on that ...

then again I have 1 kid who won't miss school even if she doesn't feel good or for an appointment ... and another kid who won't go to school half the time - even at the risk of being thrown out ...

so you also have to take into account the individual kid ...

guesswho

Wed, Jan 21 2009, 10:38 pm

I would keep a child home from school when vomiting or having fever.
Going late or picking up to/from school is usulaly when they have a dr.'s appointment which cannot me scheduled after school hours. OR before/after a close family simcha.

Mimisinger

Wed, Jan 21 2009, 11:25 pm

Another teacher here - if there's a valid reason like a dr. appt. that couldn't be made after school or a wedding or something like that, fine. But, what kind of message are you sending by just letting them stay home? Every time that a kid is absent, you have to teach them everything and they'll never get it like you taught it, but still you have to spend the time and energy, and it's not your fault that they weren't there. If they were sick, that's fine, but I had kids who had to get their hair done. I mean give me a break!

OTOH, I had kids who took off to go to the galapagos islands, a once in a lifetime experience, how can you fault them for that? You can't. So I made is a learning experience, they had to keep a travel journal with pics and accounts, etc. and that counted towards their final grade.

Imaonwheels

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 12:56 am

Our schools have a double standard and I am ok with that.

Boys miss for illness, dr, family simcha. Not doing bitul Torah is part of their chinuch.
Girls will be excused for those reasons but also if their family really needs them. When I gave birth the last two times the principal called dd to her office and told her to go home (she was in dorm). To her it was obvious that the oldest and only girl in a housefull of small boys would have to help while I was in hospital and maybe after. DS was sent home from yeshiva as well but he, dd and dh agreed that he did not need to miss and went back until the brissim. DD stayed until after the brissim. The girls are taught that there learning is very, very important but if their family really needs temporarily that is more important. She was allowed to make everything up because they are the ones who told her to go home.

I also think the idea of a day off stam is bad chinuch. There are vacation days and if frum schools are anything like PS, way too many of them as it is. When an adult stam takes a day off work he has consequences, he loses pay or a sick day, but children do not realize the consequences of breaking their schedule, causing extra work for the teacher, etc. Once a child starts school until adulthood they have to gradually grow into increasing responsibility.

Marion

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:08 am

I disagree with Imaonwheels about a double standard being OK. (But we disagree on a lot of things, so that probably doesn't surprise anyone!)

Kids can miss school if they're sick. The daycare/schools have guidelines on how sick is too sick to be there, how sick is sick enough to need a doctor's note, etc, and those are the guidelines I use. They can miss for a medical/dental appointment. When they are old enough to understand what they're missing for, they can miss for a once-in-a-lifetime simcha (a bris, pidyon haben...). Not for a levaya.

Maybe it's different if one is not a SAHM. For everything they miss, I miss a day of work.

Imaonwheels

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:17 am

For us the difference was a large family with absolutely no extended family in Israel to help. If every girl went home when Mom was giving birth the frum schools would be half empty.

I don't know about anyone else, but I was not talking about keeping home little kids who need supervision. My dd was in 10th grade when she was sent home to watch 4 little brothers while Ima was in bed and Abba had to work. She was there because dh had to keep working.

amother

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:39 am

While my dh was away once, I became completely exhausted. I wasn't showering. I wasn't eat well. All my mother's helper's kept getting sick and I was falling apart. Dh wasn't coming home for close to 2 more weeks. So we came up with a plan, that on days my cleaning lady wasn't there or I couldn't find a babysitter, I would keep a dd home for one hour each morning to help with the little ones while I ate some breakfast and showered (both for my benefit and all the kids...I was so miserable!) First, we cleared the plan with the principal. He was fine with it given the circumstances and that my kids have great attendance. Then, I spoke to the teachers. One was very concerned, but understood my situation. I told her which day I would be keeping that dd out. On that morning, the teacher called me and told me she would not be in school that day and there would be a sub! She said not to rush my dd to school as I had planned so she wouldn't miss much and told me to enjoy having her home all morning. That morning turned out to be such a wonderful bonding experience with that dd! I only kept out 2 more dd's on 2 other mornings. They did not miss very much either. We did the work at home. And I felt refreshed and was able to bond with my daughters which was so nice. I would not do this for just any reason, but in this case felt I needed their help so much.

Marion

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 1:53 am

Amother above me, the difference is that you cleared it with the school ahead of time. OP didn't. While it may not be "fair" for the teacher to be punishing the daughter for her mother's irresponsible behavior, that's what she's chosen to do. Maybe next time the OP will at least notify the school that her daughter will be arriving late.

BeershevaBubby

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 2:39 am

When I was in 10th grade, my mother had a 9 hour surgery. She spent a week and half in the hospital and then an additional 3 weeks on strict bedrest. I stayed home Fridays to cook and clean for Shabbat. I'm not sure if we spoke with the principal beforehand... we must have because I didn't get into trouble.

Since I'm not having any family come in when I give birth, we'll most likely have my 2 daughters rotate when they stay home while I'm in the hospital. I'll be calling the school to let them know.

yo'ma

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 8:05 am

YESHASettler wrote:

In the Satmar school I teach in, the h.s. does not have school on Friday so they can stay home and help for shabbos.

gryp

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 9:22 am

greenfire wrote:

GR wrote:

I think kids are in school so much that they deserve a break. I'd have no problem keeping my kids home once in a while only because they want a vacation day.

Right. I should have written, if the kid needs a break he should have a break.
There are plenty of things in the world around us a child can learn outside the school setting. Or it can be used as a motivation, ie. if the child has perfect attendance for x amount of days, one day of vacation can be earned.

drumjj

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 9:29 am

im terrible I keep my kids out of school usually only if they are sick. unless we go away which will happen literally once a in a blue moon bc we cant take holidays like most ppl so I have to arrange different dates but I try not to clash too much with school. I think its important for kids to learn the responsibility of school

Fox

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 9:46 am

yo'ma wrote:

In the Satmar school I teach in, the h.s. does not have school on Friday so they can stay home and help for shabbos.

You don't suppose your school would open a branch in Chicago, do you? I'll sign up my three girls asap! I have never understood why girls over the age of 13 or so should be at school on Fridays.

The message it sends is that learning is more important for women than homemaking, and that Shabbos can be thrown together on Thursday night or Friday afternoon. Oh, and if you find that difficult, we'll give you tons of advice on how to "manage your time" by cooking for Shabbos or Yom Tov six weeks early. How about "managing our time" by simply doing -- and teaching our daughters to do -- what women are supposed to, namely caring for our homes and families?

Truthfully, I sometimes feel like the OP's question should be reversed when it comes to girls: "When is it necessary to send your daughter to school?" I'm being facetious; I do believe in education. However, I'm constantly appalled at how little gets done in a school day. Perhaps I'm especially sensitive to this because I'm equally amazed at how much my sons' school gets done in an only slightly longer day.

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 10:23 am

I let my kids stay home when I think they need a break. Not when they dont want to go to school.

But I am taking them out next week to go to Disney. My reasoning is that for the past 5 weeks, which included 2 weeks off from school and 2 snow days, my husband has not been home more than 3 nights because of work, and they needed family time together to reconnect. Not me, I wish I was just sending them off.

But I am a homeschooler at heart and think that we learn alot more when we are together than when they are at school.

amother

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 10:35 am

Marion wrote:

I am th OP of the other post. DH DID tell the school, actually the principal. I DID write a note. And I was in the school ALL DAY, so the teacher could have easily spoken to me face-to-face! I don't think I was irresponsible. We all do the best we can in life, and sometimes have to make difficult decisions My dd actually really enjoyed helping me out and was very, very proud of it! I think she learned a lot in that hour at home. I strongly believe kids can learn a lot at home if the parents are willing to take the time to teach them. I don't believe she should have been punished for helping her mother. It's also not like this happens often...this was one time only. The teacher should have called me or let it go, not pinned it on my daughter and make her feel bad.