Ok. How bad am I? | Imamother

Mrs. Crocs

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 11:28 pm

So me, my husband, and 1.5 year old baby just spent a week in Miami on vacation.

Both sets of my grandparents spend around 3 winter months there. We only got around to visiting one set of grandparents. My baby had fever for 2 days and although we did plan on visiting both of them on the last day we only ended up doing the ones that are local. The ones that are in N. Miami (a half hour's drive) we just didn't have patience to do.

My mother's all annoyed that we didn't go, blah, blah, blah. (Never mind the fact that when my parents spent 10 days in Miami this year, they made one trip to my mom's parents on the last day of their stay...)

I know I should have gone, but how bad is it that I didn't? What do you think?

pecan

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 11:29 pm

Do you see them all year - aside from these three months?

sunshine!

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 11:33 pm

Your question immediately brought to mind a powerful story I heard a while back. I am not posting it to condemn you for not going to visit your grandparents, but here's another perspective:

Living with a wealthy merchant was his aged father and young son. The merchant, concerned with his position and status, had little time or patience for his old father. But his son, his heir, he spoiled and indulged.
The old man tried to stay out of the way, but the infirmities of old age made him clumsy. He dropped things, burned pots, tripped and broke furniture. The more he tried not to be a nuisance, the more worried he became he might do something wrong, and like a self-fulfilling prophecy, the more of a burden and a bother he seemed to be. And of course, each incident only added to the merchant's irritation and ire.

The merchant's son observed all this. As much as he loved his father, he was devoted to his grandfather. His father was not really a cruel man; but somehow, the merchant had become so involved in his business, his status, his pursuits, that he couldn't see that the old man living in his house was still his father.

The tension in the household grew until one day, after the grandfather had shattered yet another glass - it having slipped from his hand - the merchant lost all patience and threw the old man out of the house, giving him only a torn coat.

The son was distraught, but said nothing, hoping that his father would realize what he had done and change his mind. But the next day, his father went to work without a word. The son quickly found where his grandfather was staying, brought him food and spent time with him. How could he make his father see?

That night, the merchant came home to find his son with scissors in hand, cutting in shreds one of the merchant's best coats. Astounded, but not angry because his son could do no wrong, the merchant asked what he was doing. The son replied that he was preparing a coat for his father's old age. He saw how shabbily the merchant treated his own father - showing him no respect, not taking into account the frailties of old age, being miserly with the food and giving the old man only rags to wear. This, obviously, was how a son should treat his father. So he was tearing the coat to have it ready when his father, the merchant, got old.

The merchant immediately realized what he had done. He brought his father back into the house, begged forgiveness and did his best to make amends.

Mrs. Crocs

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 11:35 pm

Pecan: Yes I do. We live a couple of blocks away from them...

Sunshine: I'm not sure how that story really relates to me.....

Mama Bear

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 11:50 pm

It wouldve been nice if you were able to fit a visit in. But your baby wasnt feeling well, and they werent local. What could you do. Life doesnt always work out.

bubby

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 11:56 pm

Seeing as how you asked...I think you should have made more of an effort (not counting the sick days). Half an hour isn't far to drive. It takes that long to go from BP to WB.

You didn't go, so now you need to figure out how to put it right if they're upset. But maybe they aren't.

greenfire

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 11:57 pm

in life we grab opportunities that are given ... you lost out on a mitzva that would've surely made them happy ... what is 30 minutes - could be a lifetime of memories for the elderly - something to talk about to thrive on as they see their great grandchild ... as the song goes "it's too late when we die" ...

OldYoung

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 11:59 pm

depends on the family. in mine that would be totally unacceptable.

mama-star

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 2:51 am

I think you should have made the time to visit, but it's hashgocho protis...

Akeres Habayis

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 3:12 am

mama-star wrote:

I think you should have made the time to visit, but it's hashgocho protis...

I think u should call them up and apologize for not making a better effort to visit them.

Raisin

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 4:37 am

apologise. they must be hurt.

happymom

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 7:53 am

I think that your child comes first. and if your baby had fever you can apologize and tell them you meant to but your baby got sick... we cant always please everyone and no matter how bad anyone else thinks something is, we run our own lives, not other peoples and we cant make everyone happy all them time. we can only try our best.

Raisin

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 7:56 am

I think sunshines point was - or my take on it - in 60 years time when you are sitting htere wondering why your grandchildren don't make time to visit - remember this episode and forgive them! Wink

Tefila

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 8:44 am

bubby wrote:

For once I do agree with Buuby

sunshine!

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 9:24 am

eva0219 wrote:

The ones that are in N. Miami (a half hour's drive) we just didn't have patience to do.

I was responding to this line in the question. It made no mention of the fact that the baby was sick the whole time. The baby was sick for two days out of a full week. You said you did not have patience, and I took umbrage at that.

greenfire

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 9:40 am

sunshine! wrote:

eva0219 wrote:

The ones that are in N. Miami (a half hour's drive) we just didn't have patience to do.

as did I ...

Mimisinger

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 10:11 am

After the OP, I was thinking, how could you not visit them??? Then, I noticed that you live a few blocks from them...not a big deal at all imo. The kid was sick, it would've been nice, but it's not like you only see them once a year and didn't.

bubby

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 10:43 am

TEFILA...THAT was a complement? Scratching Head

Well, I guess I should take what I can get Wink

greenfire

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 11:22 am

bubby wrote:

TEFILA...THAT was a complement? Scratching Head

Well, I guess I should take what I can get Wink

lol I was wondering how disagreeable the other times must've been ...

ShakleeMom

Fri, Jan 23 2009, 12:24 pm

You can only do your best. The more you do, the more rewards you will get. Chill.