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No guests for seder



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BeckyR




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 6:41 pm
For whoever didn't read my post in the pregnancy section- we were supposed to have DH's family at our house for seder, but due to my high risk pregnancy, we will be home and DH's family will go to my SILs. (I'd rather not go back to the debate of whether I should go to my SILs as well- DH and I decided that the best thing would be NOT go spend a 3 day Yonif in a crowded house with 20 people.)
I'm now looking at having the sedarim- just us and my 2 young kids. I 'm a bit depressed about it, but wanted to know if anyone had this experience before. I know that we could make it nice and fun for the kids, and it's not a situation we hope to do every year, but I'd appreciate anyone's ideas or support in the area.
( BTW- we are looking around to see if any of our friends nearby can join us, but so far, no luck)
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 6:57 pm
BE"H we plan to do one seder at home next year as well and we'll only have our own 2 kids (unless by some miracle I'll have 3 by then). I think it's beautiful, they get their attention, and youll really be able to rest up and go to bed early!!
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 7:16 pm
I doubt we'll have guests the whole pesach.
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Mommish




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 7:22 pm
It sounds very nice to have just you & your kids, especially if the kids worked on projects/ma nishtanah etc in school. The only thing I would be worried about it who will stay with them if you go into labor on yontif. (I'm assuming you must be close to your due date; if that's not true obviously this wouldn't be a problem.)
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 7:49 pm
I don't know if my kids will be home. I only know for sure it's dh and myself. it's still not bad.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 7:51 pm
you will be able to focus on your children! that is so exciting. maybe you can do some stuff geared to their age levels to make it more exciting!
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louche




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 8:11 pm
Quite honestly I would be thrilled to have a seder just us and the kids. We'd gotten into the practice of inviting certain people because we felt we "should" and then after a couple of years it becomes an obligation. These are mostly older Russians who know fairly little about Yiddishkeit, and don't speak that much English, and so they aren't terribly active participants. granted we're doing a big mitzvah having them, but in terms of our own pleasure in the seder, well...
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Tova




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 8:27 pm
I am in a similar situation to the OP and am SOOO excited. In the past, we have always gone to parents for Yom Tov but this year my parents are going to E"Y. We will go to my in-laws the second days but will stay home the first days (I am a CPA so that works better for tax season; also my husband's gransparents and siblings will all be by my in-laws for the 2nd days so they want us there then too).

I am used to making Pesach to the extent that we sleep and eat at home Chol HaMoed, so cleaning and basic kashering is done. I was a bit overwelmed when I first found out our plans, but now I am literally so excited that I don't remember looking forward so much to the sedarim in all the time since we were married. I like the idea of my husband leading the seder and me being able to take a more active role. Our kids are still young (will be 5 months and 23 months at the seder) but we will involve the older one to his ability. I like being able to focus on us and not catering to other's schedules and way of doing things.

My husband and I just made a schedule to plan things out and it seems very doable (note - he has bein hazmanim starting Monday). Our basic plan is:

Motzei Shabbos (today): menu plan and shopping list

Sunday: buy kids clothing for Yom Tov, assess what Pesach stuff we have from prior years

Monday: last day of z'man, buy non-perishables

Tuesay: clean basement freezer, buy chicken/meat/fish

Wednesday: cleaning lady coming, tell her to do extra good job upstairs in bedrooms/ living room/ den/ basement

Thursday: clean one car, prep for Shabbos

Friday: clean second car, clean pantry and isolate chometz

Motzei Shabbos: clean dining room, especially table/ chairs

Sunday: pick up matza (that's when order will come in), buy toiletries, bottles/paci's, clean fridge/freezer and rest of kitchen. Stop using kitchen sink for hot water

Monday: buy Pesach perishables and wine/ grape juice. Kashering and lining counters

Tuesday: laundry, cooking/ baking, final vacuming and washing floors, bedikas chametz

Wednesday: finish laundry in morning, biur chametz, birchas hachamah, finish cooking/ baking
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Mommy3.5




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 9:05 pm
I did it last year, It was quieter then we were used too, faster to, but really nice to be able to put the focus on our kids, and sleep in our own beds, my kids wake up really early when we sleep away from home.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 10:46 pm
focusing on family is nice ... who said you need it big ... don't really know why people feel it necessary to go out ...
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cubbie




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 11:07 pm
We're having seder at home on our own and we are SOOOOOOOOOOO excited about it. It's the first time for us, we've either been at my in-laws or home with my family. This year my parents are doing with friends and dh told my IL's that we're not coming, because last year my kids got so overtired and were crying from 9pm onwards, but didn't want to go to bed there or even lie down on the sofa, they just wanted to be held and cried. At home they're more flexible and we know that when they get tired with nobody else there, they'll just volunteer to go to bed.
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shalhevet




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2009, 11:34 pm
We have been making our own seder since we were married, sometimes with guests and sometimes without. It's so nice to focus on your children - even a 2 year old can get a lot out of it. And you'll be surprised how long they can keep themselves awake when they're having fun.

Go straight through maggid and say your divrei Torah at the meal.

Tova - one day for the kitchen???
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sarahd




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2009, 5:48 am
I think she means whatever's left in the kitchen. She said,
Quote:
I am used to making Pesach to the extent that we sleep and eat at home Chol HaMoed, so cleaning and basic kashering is done.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2009, 10:12 am
Most people I know won't have guests. It's rare to find someone who isn't in family for Pessach! Unless you mean maybe like your old dad is a guest. But generally people don't live close enough to walk, and not big enough to host at night, so...
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BeckyR




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2009, 12:57 pm
Thank you all for your positive stories and comments- it makes me feel much happier about our decision. To the poster who thought I'm due right now- I'm not, but b/c of some complications in my uterus, I am at risk for pre-term labor, which is why I need a quieter Pessach this year.
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mominisrael2




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 30 2009, 9:39 am
I feel your sadness -- first time in my life it will be just us, no parents or siblings or in-laws. Guess it's as good a time as any to start our own minhagim...
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 30 2009, 9:49 am
mominisrael2 wrote:
I feel your sadness -- first time in my life it will be just us, no parents or siblings or in-laws. Guess it's as good a time as any to start our own minhagim...


don't you have the same minhag as your family?
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mominisrael2




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 30 2009, 10:47 am
Ruchel wrote:
mominisrael2 wrote:
I feel your sadness -- first time in my life it will be just us, no parents or siblings or in-laws. Guess it's as good a time as any to start our own minhagim...


don't you have the same minhag as your family?


DH and I have VERY different family minhagim, so in the absence of all relatives, whose to follow? I'm not talking about stuff like shmurah matzah/gebrochts/kitniot etc., I mean stuff like which tune to sing for songs, who gets to hog the commentary hagaddahs... Smile

The only minhag that DH and I have created together since we got married was inviting local college kids for the seder who weren't going home for Pesach and needed a place to go...although I am thrilled to be spending my first Pesach ever in the Holy Land, the liveliness of the students will be greatly missed in our house...one of them ended up becoming a very close friend and we were so happy to be her "host family" over the years as seders expanded to shabbos invitations and Sunday barbecues and babysitting, and like to think we played a large part in contributing to her love of Orthodoxy...she has since graduated and moved away and we have made aliyah, but will definitely be thinking about her at our seder...
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