Being Diplomatic | Imamother

Tefila

Sat, Dec 25 2004, 8:17 pm

Hi a Guta Voch and See you all, I am going Monday.... don't worry you'll know when I have returned (for those that care). LOL

So, how would one ask, say a Good Friend or anyone for that matter not do something etc , without hurting her feelings????
Please give examples Thanks, I am in need of this advice Wink

Last edited by Tefila on Sat, Dec 25 2004, 8:18 pm; edited 1 time in total

AweSumThenSum

Sat, Dec 25 2004, 8:21 pm

w/o understanding more about ur ?, ur post reminded me of s/t that happened 4 years ago, and still bothers me. a good friend of mine was brisk walking w/ me in the mountains, and she confided in me that she had some sort of mild heart condition. I expressed sympathy, and left it at that. the next few times we went walking, I would ask if she's ok every time she slowed down a bit. after the third or fourth day, she said to me, "please don't be so facetious". I took offense to that, and never asked her again. so I guess this would be one way of NOT asking ur friend to stop something that's annoying u.

Tefila

Sat, Dec 25 2004, 8:33 pm

Wow awesome you are quick, and thanks forreplying!

Quote:

"please don't be so facetious". I took offense to that, and never asked her again. so I guess this would be one way of NOT asking ur friend to stop something that's annoying u.

Really I think alot of times people who answer like that are hurting terribly!!!! So I wonder if maybe if one would say, "sorry it is only because I care that I ask, if you don't want I won't but pleeease don't be upset with me" Exclamation

Ofcourse what we should've, could've said usually comes up after the fact. But maybe we could still save that situation by getting the courage to call and try and explain.... who knows?

AweSumThenSum

Sat, Dec 25 2004, 8:41 pm

the truth is, that the only surefire way to get s/o 2 stop doing s/t is 2 tell them as politely as possible. of course, if the person is doing s/t that u dont like, he/she wont take 2 kindly 2 ur comment so no matter how nicely u ask, there will b some negativity involved.

Ozmom

Sun, Dec 26 2004, 3:51 am

Ok now that wouldn't have helped much so....

how about.
"I hope you don't mind me pointing out but it makes me feel such and such when you do such and such."

focus on how you are feeling and less on what they are doing.
meaning try to show it as your issue rather then accusing them for what they are doing.
Like what I said somewhere about interacting with a spouse. If you needed to sort out an issue it would be best to focus on your feelings - the "I feel ..." rather then "YOU do this to me"

Does that help?

Mazel tov for your sis's wedding

Pearl

Wed, Jan 12 2005, 10:48 am

I am not sure if I can be of help, but will share an experience with you. I had a friend I was very close to - we got married the same month, had our first baby a few months apart, had the same kind of problems with our m-i-l's Very Happy

, but when I got pregnant for the second time, and was working full time, and had no help (didn't get a long with the whole in-law crowd at the time, and my family lived in another country), and I was very busy with cleaning the house for pesach + preparing bday party for my daughter, she had the nerve to send me a letter (with flowers, but still) on my daughter's bday to tell me I didn't give her (=girlfriend) enough attention.....!
She really hurt my feelings then, but somehow never got around to really tell her that. Anyway, kept my distance since then, and the friendship is practically finished now. I am not very good at confronting, but the few occassions on which I did have the nerve to do so, it turned out well.
Good luck!

Tefila

Mon, May 30 2005, 10:59 pm

Ok so say I want to get a point across here like some of you posters r getting on my nerves LOL

How would I say that diplomatically LOL

Really lets work w/h practical solutions even on say how we post to how we do it diplomatically w/hout putting the other on the offensive.
C,mon we're women we all can, so examples anyone or should I start w/h a rolll call LOL

kookykup

Mon, Jul 11 2005, 8:06 am

What a tragedy! What suffering has befallen the free people of ! An attack by the evil muslim extremists on the rights of people who lead lives to build a better world, not destroy it. The world suffers along with England for the senseless, hateful and evil terrorist attack last week.

I would suggest England offer parts of London to the muslims in exchange for peace. Maybe Westminster Abbey? Perhaps, no, surely, this will ensure that such an attack does not occur again anywhere in England. As ridiculous as this sounds, it is even more ridiculous for Israel, who has suffered not one such attack but many many such attacks, to give away parts of its land in order to ensure peace with the palestinian arab murderers.

Let the world know that if they endeavour to keep Israel safe THEY will be safe.

A SAFE ISRAEL IS A SAFE WORLD.

Let United States know that it's in THEIR best interests to have a strong safe Israel. After all Israel is their only true ally and friend in the Middle East.

Let Israel not give away one inch of land. Let Israel not endanger the lives of its citizens. Keep the land and keep the people safe. A SAFE ISRAEL IS A SAFE WORLD.