How shld I discuss wth 11yr old his weight issues

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amother

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 12:54 am

My 11 yr old is loves his food, does very little exercise and is getting rather tubby. Having originally been a very skinny child with a tummy that caved in he now has a pot belly, double chin and over all tubbiness.
I'm working on getting him to do more physical activities but how do I talk to him about watching his food intake without giving him a complex about his body?
I've discussed with him waiting 20 minutes at the end of a meal before deciding he is still hungry and he has taken heed, but it's still a struggle sometimes getting him to cut back on the amount he eats (which is a lot).
His older sister also eats a lot but she doesn't have an issue with weight and is quite skinny.

I've held back from pointedly telling him he needs to watch his weight because I'm concerned about what that will do to his self image. I don't want to chas v'sholom have him end up with an eating disorder as a result of being told he is fat so how do I do this tactfully?

Tamiri

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 1:01 am

My own experience with (so far) 3 male teens is that they gain some weight around age 10 (one piled on the pasta and looked like a dough boy), keep it on for a couple of years, then lose it as they go through puberty.
Speak with someone knowledgable before approaching your son, for the reasons you mentioned.

amother

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 1:06 am

I have the same problem with my ds same age but I changed the whole way of cooking I dont make any starch I make alot of protien and salads for supper I would make a soup too and have cut up fruits I cant controll what he eats in school that my biggest problem. he eats breakfast in school he has a few eggs and few slices of bread he tells me 2 but im sure its more then 2 slices but as long as I know im doing on my end and hope he will want to do it for him self.for snack I cut up pepper for him I give him crystal light and snacks I try to buy like popcorn and pretzels.

greenfire

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 1:18 am

definitely delicately ...

try enrolling him in some sort of activity class ...

Ima'la

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 3:35 am

Now that Tamiri mentions it, my mother said that my brother got a little chunky around that age and naturally slimmed down through puberty. Speak to his ped. (not in his presence) he may be able to provide reassurance and/or advice.

red sea

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 9:46 am

I dont think I would discuss it with him. Just start cooking lighter, have cut up fruit and veg ready at hand instead of snacks, sign him up for some athletic type of thing, buy him some active type of outdoor thing.

amother

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 6:40 pm

Hmmm... It's tricky.

My mother is in the same situation with my brother. He was a skinny kid until he broke his leg and started piling on the weight. It's been getting worse every year. He's 13 now and 5"4 but weighs 190lbs

He's active, but not by choice. My parents told him that if he wants to play video games he needs to excercize (so he does, but he hates every second of it). My parents don't even keep any junk food in the house so I wonder where he's getting his junk food from...

In any case, it's really tough. Their ego's are so fragile at this age but at the same time, if ever losing weight was easy, it's as a teen... I am curious to see everyone's advice...

octopus

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 7:14 pm

red sea wrote:

this is the best advice in this matter imho.

amother

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 7:23 pm

OP here
thanks for all your replies. I have started paying more attention to the cooking, not that it was so fattening to begin with but also I kind of had it out with my husband who has been supplying the junk food around here and I made him realize what it's doing to the kids.
I hope he gets it and stops stocking up all the time.
exercises, also I'm working on. We don't have video games and computer I'm very strict about.

It's not just the quality of the food I'm feeding him but it's his eating habits. He eats fast, stuffs his mouth and takes seconds or thirds when it would appear he has had enough already. We have tried discussing it with him relating it to manners and to health but we haven't mentioned the weight.
Should we not find a way to gently point out that it's affecting his weight too?

octopus

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 7:29 pm

I would not point out the weight thing. You can stress eating slowly (but don't nag). I would be scared to give the child a complex. Now is the warmer weather- encourage your child to go outside, play basketball, baseball, running- whatever floats his boat. If you live in brooklyn, take the family to marine park on sundays and run around. get the family involved by doing a fun activity. play tennis! ride bikes. if you are really cooking healthy taking seconds on skinned chicken (with no extra fat) and healthy veggies is not going to be detrimental.

ra_mom

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 7:32 pm

amother wrote:

Try teaching the entire family together how to eat more slowly by putting down the fork in between each bite. Make it a family project and game.
Serve a fat free veggie soup before the meal to fill up tummies.
Get everyone involved in exercise games.
No more junk in the house. Make homemade popcorn, have apple slices and veggie sticks waiting on the table when the kids come home. Serve baked apples, compote for dessert. Buy fat free apple chips.
It's really tough, I have a relative who is your son's age and in a similar situation. As others have mentioned, I think it's best to keep his weight out of the discussions. Make health the focal point of the new eating habits, try not to get the weight issue involved.
Hatzlacha.

octopus

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 7:33 pm

also- school breakfast and lunch programs are TERRIBLE if your child actual eats them. If your child's school allows you to bring food from home, that would probably be better.

Rubber Ducky

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 7:52 pm

DS#2 started putting on extra weight at age 9 or 10. When he had his age 12 checkup, our pediatrician spoke to him about it, quoted Tehillim to him about taking care of himself (the Dr is not frum!) and put him on something called the Stoplight Diet, where DS read fat and sugar contents on labels before deciding what to eat.

DS followed the diet religiously, lost the excess weight within the year, and also started lifting weights. Now 19, DS is in Beis Medrash but still lifts weights and walks at least 2 miles daily. He's not only trim but in outstanding shape -- not your typical yeshiva bochur stereotype.

We tried not to say anything... the pediatrician did the lecturing for us. B'hatzlacha!

shnitzel

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 8:06 pm

I think you should take him to his pediatrician before you worry, although smarter food choices are never a bad thing, he can easily pick up that you think he is "fat". Boys and girls on the verge of puberty are SUPPOSED to get a bit chubby b/c they need the fat to develop and for their growth spurts and they therefore tend to be extra hungry, so he may be eating the way he is because he is hungry - especially if he is gobbling healthier foods. The pediatrician should have his weight on a growth chart and can track if it falls within normal weight gain of a boy his age so you can be sure if it is really a problem. I would be cautious about asking the doctor for nutrition/weight loss advice since they aren't trained in it but he should be able to tell you if his weight is a problem.
BTW op, kol hakavod for being so sensitive to this issue and realizing eating disorders are also a boy problem!

amother

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 9:28 pm

I'm facing the same issue with my 11 y.o. DS, OP. We've lightened up on our cooking (only diet sodas, lots of fruit, no junk food, etc.) which has helped somewhat. The best advice, though, was from our pediatrician who recommended getting a wii and ONLY the associated sports/fitness games which require a lot of movement. My baby is so competitive that the wii fit really got him motivated to exercise daily and got him thinking about how much exercise it would take to burn off whatever snack he eats. It's been a couple of months now, and he's gone down a size. I never had to say one word to him.

pecan

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 9:43 pm

When you address the concept of eating in your house, talk about being healthy as opposed to being thin or losing weight.
Teach all of your children to make healthy choices and only have healthy choices available.

Ima'la

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 10:13 pm

Like schnitzel said, is it possible that he IS very hungry and is eating a lot b/c he is going (or will soon be going) through a growth spurt?

amother

Sun, Apr 19 2009, 11:48 pm

Op here. What's a wii?

chavamom

Mon, Apr 20 2009, 12:39 am

1) as several posters have mentioned, this is really common before the growth spurt that will soon follow
2) the pediatrician speaking to him is probably the best idea

amother

Mon, Apr 20 2009, 1:09 am

yes thank you for that, it has crossed my mind and is reassuring to hear it from others.

About the ped, where I live you have to go through a GP first to get to a ped and a ped is only someone you go to when the GP refers you. so it would be making something of a fuss and make it obvious to him that there is something I'm concerned about. What would I tell him I'm taking him to the doc and ped for?

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