my 15 yr. old calls me names

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

My 15 yr. old calls me names

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amother

Tue, Feb 28 2006, 11:56 am

ny son is generally a good kid-when he gets very mad he calls me names like stuupid or once he said you belong in a mental institutution!
what should I do ? he is 15 .

happymom

Tue, Feb 28 2006, 12:10 pm

IT might help to speak to him about ways which he can react when he is angry. In the Torah it tells us that Getting angry is like avodah zarah... this DOES NOT mean to feeling of anger, because that is natural, unless one is a tzadik... but we can control the way we react to anger. I think many people just werent taught what to do when they are angry upset etc so they dont react right. (and even if u know waht to do its still hard...!) maybu after speaking with him he can come up with some ways how to react in a good way, withough hurting anyone. Like going to a seperate room for a while.. thinking it over and then discussing it calmly etc...??

where do u think he is getting these words from? does anyone speak to him this way?? kids often copy the adults in their lives.

Last edited by happymom on Thu, Mar 30 2006, 2:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

red sea

Tue, Feb 28 2006, 12:15 pm

That's a little tougher than a 5 yr old, maybe when it is not relevant talk to him and say you've noticed that when he gets angry lately he's been calling people including his parents names, while you understand he has legitimate feelings and will get angry, frustrated, or upset sometimes in life, it is not the way to go about things, 1) he must still have respect for parents and you know he's at a level that is not going to think its in any way the least bit respectful no matter what to call parents names and 2) you expect and encourage him to express his feelings in a productive manner and not cop out and resort to name calling. ( & in general this advice goes for getting angry at anyone) then drop it, kids this age need these things short and to the point or you risk it going in one ear and out the other.

DefyGravity

Tue, Feb 28 2006, 12:25 pm

My mother has a huge anger problem, and often times she becomes irrational. When this happens, it's so frustrating, that we grow angry ourselves and often end up yelling that she should get mental help, and will end up calling her names.

I know that it's a big problem and I shouldn't talk back to my mother, but it's very difficult when someone is yelling at you, and you know they aren't in their right mind.

hey its me

Wed, Mar 08 2006, 10:11 pm

Children need patience and understanding!

amother

Thu, Mar 09 2006, 9:06 am

hey its me wrote:

Children need patience and understanding!

But they also need limits. Certain things are not acceptable at any time; calling a mother crazy or stupid is in that category. I wouldn't go so far as my children's rebbe once did: He criticized me for accepting my son's saying "I'm mad at you," insisting a child has no right to be mad at a parent Rolling Eyes

As far as I am concerned, my child has every right to be mad at me (who else is he going to be mad at? the walls?), it's fine if he says that--but certain other things he is not allowed to say. It's verboten, just like four-letter words.

amother

Thu, Mar 30 2006, 12:40 pm

thank you for answering !!!!!!!!!!!1111111 LOL

chavamom

Thu, Mar 30 2006, 1:18 pm

When my older kids speak to me in a way that is inappropriate, I say, "I understand you are angry, but you may NOT speak to me that way. You need to appologize."

amother

Thu, Mar 30 2006, 3:20 pm

happy mom he is getting these words byhimself

no one talks to him this way !!

chavas mom I like your advice!!!I also read that is the best thing to do

thnak you LOL

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