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Forum
-> Children's Health
Seraph
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 Fri, Apr 24 2009, 9:53 am
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The reason why I feel this sister didnt give me the wrong message is that the day before the no lunch day, mom was telling me that she is concerned that her daughter is fat, and I was trying to convince her that her daughter isnt fat at all!
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Twoisacharm
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 10:04 am
omg this is insane BUT I think as others have said talk to her parents
I give my son a massive portion of porrige every morning at 7 and I know for a fact (when he stays home) that he can easily go on that meal for a good five-six hours with only water/juice in between - so wen I send him to preschool he goes with no food (however - they provide lunches and a portion of fruit at 12)
its not a european thing to starve children - im english  we (meaning the europeans that I know!!!) tend to eat a large breakfast...eggs, herring (ew), bread etc - late lunch - meat of some sort and a late supper of meat again!!!
it could be that the kid is, according to her mother, getting a large enough breakfast to last her throughout the time she is with u?!?!?!?!?!?!
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Seraph
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 10:12 am
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except it obviously cant be enough if shes crying and begging to eat.
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chaylizi
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 10:14 am
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seraph, I think you should talk to the mom and hear her out. if she still doesn't want to send her lunch, maybe say that you cannot continue to watch her if she doesn't follow the same schedule as everyone else. don't make it a personal thing, make it a policy thing that you will not go along with this diet. even so, you probably should speak with a rav.
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Twoisacharm
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 10:16 am
call her up whilst her kid is kvetching and enlighten her as to how it sounds 
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HindaRochel
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 10:25 am
I would talk to a social worker, giving her the information AFTER you have made sure the message you received from the parents is true.
This does sound like an issue that the social worker may need to deal with. It may be the parents don't have a good idea of nutrition and the social worker can help them understand what is proper nutrition for a young girl.
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hadasa
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 10:34 am
| kikavu wrote: | | seraph, I think you should talk to the mom and hear her out. if she still doesn't want to send her lunch, maybe say that you cannot continue to watch her if she doesn't follow the same schedule as everyone else. don't make it a personal thing, make it a policy thing that you will not go along with this diet. even so, you probably should speak with a rav. |
That's what I would do.
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shoy18
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 10:35 am
| hadasa wrote: | | kikavu wrote: | | seraph, I think you should talk to the mom and hear her out. if she still doesn't want to send her lunch, maybe say that you cannot continue to watch her if she doesn't follow the same schedule as everyone else. don't make it a personal thing, make it a policy thing that you will not go along with this diet. even so, you probably should speak with a rav. |
That's what I would do. |
I agree you must talk to the mom straight. It might be a ridiculous misunderstanding or their could be a serious problem.
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Chocoholic
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 10:53 am
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Tell the mother that your gan has rules, and one of them is eating with all the other kids at 10 and that she must send the kid with X,Y,Z (2 pitot, chumus, sandwich, a fruit, whatever you name it - be very clear and detail it!!!), otherwise, the kid can't function in gan, disturbs the harmony and simply can not be in the gan. If she doesn't send food, I'm sorry, your kid can't be in the gan, and be serious about it. Don't get into the habit of feeding her your food. If she doesn't come with food, she can't be in your gan, that's it.
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HindaRochel
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 11:02 am
| Chocoholic wrote: | | Tell the mother that your gan has rules, and one of them is eating with all the other kids at 10 and that she must send the kid with X,Y,Z (2 pitot, chumus, sandwich, a fruit, whatever you name it - be very clear and detail it!!!), otherwise, the kid can't function in gan, disturbs the harmony and simply can not be in the gan. If she doesn't send food, I'm sorry, your kid can't be in the gan, and be serious about it. Don't get into the habit of feeding her your food. If she doesn't come with food, she can't be in your gan, that's it. |
My concern is that the child may not be getting proper nutrition at home either. It could simply be a matter of the parents not having proper knowledge of a good diet, what a healthy two year old looks like etc. etc. etc.
I wouldn't want to try and force the mother to send food because she may then simply withhold food from the child at other times. RATHER I would try and educate her on proper nutrition, which is why I recommend, after confirming that the mother wants to limit the child's food. A social worker, who knows what he or she is doing, can help in that regard. Talking to the parent about a healthy diet, that a small tummy is normal and healthy for a little one, that at that age the child should be getting XYZ food and if you can't provide it (no money or whatever) here are some resources to help.
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chocolate moose
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 12:13 pm
A child is still growing. A diet is a terrible idea.
I had a fat child and rather than stunt her growth, we emphasized healthy foods.
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Chochmes Nushim
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 12:51 pm
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OMG! What is our warped world coming to? U def have to investigate the matter. Make sure no underlying factor. I actually went to a family as part of our school's chessed program. there was a five yr old adorable child, one of eight that was neglected even more than the rest. The child did not get bathed, had to tend for herself, and got food only when one of the older children saw to it. I was so traumatized and begged my parents to try to adopt the child. I notified bikur cholim, as this was an extreme situation. Bottom line, the mother was deranged and simply hated this child. she ended up being placed w a loving family...... I know that this is not gonna b the case in your scenerio. But just comes to show that there r many weird ppl out there unfortunately. if a mother wants a 2 yr old to skip a meal, by golly..... how normal is that?
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Chochmes Nushim
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 12:52 pm
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My son is turning 12 and is overweight to put it nicely. And I have my qualms about putting HIM on a diet. A 2 yr old, seriously?
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chaylizi
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 1:01 pm
| HindaRochel wrote: | | Chocoholic wrote: | | Tell the mother that your gan has rules, and one of them is eating with all the other kids at 10 and that she must send the kid with X,Y,Z (2 pitot, chumus, sandwich, a fruit, whatever you name it - be very clear and detail it!!!), otherwise, the kid can't function in gan, disturbs the harmony and simply can not be in the gan. If she doesn't send food, I'm sorry, your kid can't be in the gan, and be serious about it. Don't get into the habit of feeding her your food. If she doesn't come with food, she can't be in your gan, that's it. |
My concern is that the child may not be getting proper nutrition at home either. It could simply be a matter of the parents not having proper knowledge of a good diet, what a healthy two year old looks like etc. etc. etc.
I wouldn't want to try and force the mother to send food because she may then simply withhold food from the child at other times. RATHER I would try and educate her on proper nutrition, which is why I recommend, after confirming that the mother wants to limit the child's food. A social worker, who knows what he or she is doing, can help in that regard. Talking to the parent about a healthy diet, that a small tummy is normal and healthy for a little one, that at that age the child should be getting XYZ food and if you can't provide it (no money or whatever) here are some resources to help. |
I understand where you are coming from. However, a ganenet going to a social worker without a parent's pemission, sounds exactly like that thread yesterday that amother posted about athe dean of her kid's school getting an 'evaluation' without her permission. People were outraged & rightly so. If seraph needs to be consulting anyone, it should be a rav. It's not so simple to report parents to a goevernment that doesn't manage to repect out religious practices. What if they took away her kids and gave tehm to a chiloni family, ch"v?
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de_goldy
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 2:39 pm
Aren't all teachers/childcare workers mandated reporters?
If this were a child I care for, I would:
a. discuss with parent.
b. keep feeding the child at gan
c. if necessary, report.
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RightOnTarget
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 3:20 pm
This is nuts!! No young child should be on a diet!!
Explain this to the parents. If they don't change, they need help!
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Chocoholic
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 4:27 pm
| AkeresHabayis wrote: | | My son is turning 12 and is overweight to put it nicely. And I have my qualms about putting HIM on a diet. A 2 yr old, seriously? |
That's a whole different issue!! Even for a 12 year old you can't put him on a real diet, but you can teach him portion control, healthy portions, nutrition (a good meal consists of xyz) and let him eat healthy snacks, and no bad snacks etc. Do this with tact though as he's probably getting self conscious.
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MOMMYRN
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 4:32 pm
| Mrs.K wrote: | I'm speechless. In my opinion, this borders on abuse.
Could it be she's too embarrassed to tell you she can't afford it, or that, like you said, the sister got the wrong message?
I don't think it's up to you to provide the lunch behind the parent's back, and I don't think it's right for you to let her starve either.
I think you need to meet with the mother or call her on the phone and tell her straight out that, if this is her decision, you want no part of it, and to please provide lunches. Explain that besides for the obvious reasons about how crazy this is to do to a child, you cannot take care of the other children when her child is kvetchy and miserable because she's starving. If she wants to starve her children, she may do it in her own home, but not to make you part of this twisted plan. Maybe point out that there is plenty of wholesome, healthy, lunches she can send along if she has a problem with sandwiches.
If you decide that this is something you want to report, be it to a rabbi or child services or elsewherea, then take it from there. |
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SomebodyElse
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 4:53 pm
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Another idea would be to say you can't go along with this diet without a doctor's note. On the chance that they're just misguided, hopefully they would then talk to a pediatrician and realize how wrong they are about the fat thing.
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Chocoholic
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Fri, Apr 24 2009, 5:00 pm
| SomebodyElse wrote: | | Another idea would be to say you can't go along with this diet without a doctor's note. On the chance that they're just misguided, hopefully they would then talk to a pediatrician and realize how wrong they are about the fat thing. |
Absolutely loving this! 
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