inviting 1/2 a family

HindaRochel

Sat, May 02 2009, 11:47 pm

Okay, I'm late to this one and don't know what the other thread was about, but:

Re Shabbat/Yom Tov: You invite everyone who is at the house at the time; family, even if that means grandma or grandpa and the live-in Jewish mother's helper. You don't leave people out in the cold.

Of course kids can ask their own friends and don't have to have the whole mishpacha trail along, but certainly you don't restrict.

greenfire

Sun, May 03 2009, 12:16 am

amother wrote:

I'm not saying this is the case, cuz how would I know, but trying to give the benefit of the doubt to the potential hosts- but if someone's kids arent religious and dont keep shabbos anyhow, and if they needed a place for a shabbos meal they can go to the other divorced parent, I can understand why a host wouldnt neccesarily want them to come for shabbos. If someone knows their kids are impressionable, they might not want irreligious people at their table, and wouldnt have kiruv families over, but that doesnt mean they wouldnt want to invite the religious ones. Like- would you rather no invitation than invitation for you and the religious members of your family?
Lets face it- some people arent cut out for kiruv. and they might be being honest with you, rather than have you and your whole gang over and resent it.

spoken like a true narrow-minded clevelander Confused

mominisrael2

Sun, May 03 2009, 8:26 am

Of course it depends on the reason only half the family is invited to know whether or not to be offended, but it's not always a bad thing...a few weeks ago I was on bed rest for a few days and a friend offered to invite my kids over for shabbat lunch so that DH could concentrate on taking care of me and would get the kids out of the house for the afternoon -- I thought that was very thoughtful and really appreciated her generosity.

louche

Sun, May 03 2009, 10:03 pm

amother wrote:

Lets face it- some people arent cut out for kiruv. and they might be being honest with you, rather than have you and your whole gang over and resent it.

No one asked them to do kiruv and no one asked them to invite. Moichel Toivos. If you're a friend you invite a whole family. How would you like it if someone said to you "Please come with your adorable youngest dd but not your dh with the bad breath and not your ds who picks his nose or your older dd who inspects her split ends"?????

What is this world coming to that someone would tell a mother she and one of her kids are welcome but the other kids are not? If that's the case, don't invite, period. That's far less insulting.

amother

Sun, May 03 2009, 11:28 pm

greenfire wrote:

friends to friends are a different story when you're single ... but when you are married with children - and I don't care the age - don't discriminate ...

I've had a variety of reasons told - your girls aren't tznius - our son is over (mind you what makes my hormones any different than my kids - jk of course - but I have had 1/2 a mind to tell them so) ...

I have had friends who've invited me with an open invitation for the girls if they choose to come or change their mind last minute (that's a bit different) ...

but really - I'm either the nebach case ... or forget you because of your kids ... so now I'm a hermit ... either way - it has taught me a great lesson on friendship that I have no real friends - and on family that I must create a strong family/shabbos atmosphere on my own ... all which are a hard pill to swallow ...

My parents have many guests. When a family or single with older children is invited, the children are invited- but often with the understanding that they can come if they want to. Sometimes the kids are busy etc. (We are talking about young adults). If someone has a family of girls and doesn't want your son over, I guess I understand wyh- but it's still rude- just put him at the other end of the table. In terms of your girls not being tznius, what can I say, our communities have problems. The thread about footsteps had many ppl saying we need to reach out to our own. Some ppl in our communities need a wake up call.

My goodness, on imamother I hear of so many expectations of hosts- they must be given a gift, they must get a reciprocal invitation. My goodness, is it worthit- just go to ppl. you are close enough with that you know where you stand.

louche

Mon, May 04 2009, 12:15 am

mominisrael2 wrote:

Please, don't be disingenuous. The two situations are not comparable. Your friend wasn't rejecting anyone. OP's "friend" was rejecting half her family.