Child Possibly Pretending to be Sick

frumluv

Mon, May 04 2009, 9:48 am

DS(6.5 yo) son complained of having chest pains Sun afternoon. I gave him something to eat & drink, he was fine. He woke up around midnight complaining again. I asked on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the worst) he said it was a 10. No fever, no vomitting, etc.

I called the nurseline thru my insurance and she said that I can give him children's motrin or tylenol. I did that, & did not help. Then we decided to drink some herbal tea (no caffeine). Still complained. So because I wanted to be on the safe side, I drove him to ER. Ultimately he is fine.

I have been having chest discomfort (been to ER a few times), but turns out it is nothing cardiac.
I'm so aggravated that he would "pretend" to be sick. He even cried because they did not draw blood or give an IV - What??? shock

How would you handle this??? I don't want him to be the boy who cried wolf, then you see me on the news being taken away by social services because I let something happen to my child???

Last edited by frumluv on Mon, May 04 2009, 11:07 am; edited 2 times in total

greenfire

Mon, May 04 2009, 9:52 am

he obviously if feeling some sort of emotional trauma because of your visits to the er ... I wouldn't "discipline" him - but rather hug him tight and say boruch Hashem you are okay - and let him know how scared you were ... hopefully all that would've made a big enough impact ...

red sea

Mon, May 04 2009, 10:17 am

I agree with greenfre not to discipline, he was obviously very affected by what happened to you and this is how his 6 year old mind was able to deal with it, talk to him to get him to talk aout how he is feeling and what is inside his head.

ss321

Mon, May 04 2009, 10:28 am

Discipline??? FOR WHAT?? can you prove that his pain on a scale of 1-10 was a "0", just because the resident on call at [x hour] said, that by looking at him, no lethargy, fever etc, therefore no reason to draw an iv? just because they insert an "iv" doesnt make you SICK (case in point: women in labor are all given iv's right? major point of contention on here?)
Im sorry youve been having chest pains lately. You should definitely get that checked out. but if your kid is complaining of being ill, just because he doesnt have a fever, doesnt mean he is 100%. Chances are he really did NOT feel well. A run-of-the-mill stomach ache (ie, not due to flu, not due to food poisoning, just cramps), for example, wouldnt be "visible" on any blood test. In YOUR mind, such a stomach ache, might be a 2-3 on a 1-10 scale. in HIS, its a 10. Hes a kid. his perception might be a bit off. that is not a reason to punish a child. Moreover, perhaps his 'physical' pains are really his way of crying out for help - perhaps that is something you as a parent need to explore. is he begging for attention and this is the only way he can get it? If so - instead of punishing him, try to figure out why. Sorry to sound so harsh, but your post really shocks me.

shalhevet

Mon, May 04 2009, 10:34 am

You say he was pretending, but how do you know? Children don't know how to describe things - maybe he had a mosquito bite or a scratch or he was hungry or constipated and felt uncomfortable, so he said it was a chest pain, because that's what he'd heard about in the house.

If you are 100% sure he was pretending (or for other cases, eg I once had dd say she was ill till the exam was over) I just use natural consequences. You can say he needs to rest a few days so he can't go to the park or outside to play, or that he needs nutritious food so no junk, or something like that. Then you still show you are taking them seriously, but they realize it doesn't pay for next time.

Fresh

Mon, May 04 2009, 10:38 am

How could you be so sure that he was pretending? I would always take such signs as a red flag. Lets say he is pretending & everything is okay with him, my question would be "why" is he complaining is something wrong in school morah, friends? Hope I didnt hijack this thread.

Seraph

Mon, May 04 2009, 10:45 am

If he was claiming to besick to get off school, that is one thing. But if he's waking up in the middle of the night, obviously its not a ploy to get out of something, and should be dealt with lovingly and not in a disciplinary manner. I doubt a kid would wake up in the middle of the night to "pretend" to be sick.

ss321

Mon, May 04 2009, 10:57 am

Seraph wrote:

If he was claiming to besick to get off school, that is one thing.

and even if that was the case- still - what was bothering him soo much that he felt that he had to resort to pretending to be sick? is a kid bullying him and he is scared to tell you? did he get in trouble and is embarrassed or scared of how your or DH will react?

frumluv

Mon, May 04 2009, 11:07 am

Of course I wasn't sure if he was pretending or not (I think he did have some sort of ailment, just not as serious), hence the reason why I got up @ 2am & drove him in the rain to the hospital that his dr. is affliated with (which is not the closest hospital).

Why I say "pretending" is because generally when he is sick (be it either cold or stomach ache) he is very quiet, will lay down, will not do anything, listless. In THIS particular case, he was up, walking around, talking. Once he got a bed in the ER, he hopped on it, played his video game, laughing, etc.

Maybe discipline is not the right word, but I want to make sure that he is not trying to mimic any ailments that I (or any family member for that matter) have to get attention. The hospital is not a "fun" place.

When I get home from work, I will try to talk to him & get to the bottom of it.
I thank Hashem that he is alright

Maybe I will also edit the title so I don't get flamed....

sarahla

Mon, May 18 2009, 3:14 pm

find out if something is bothering him in school (ie: friends, other kids, teachers not very nice to him)
maybe he didn't do HW or had a bad grade on last test...something might bother him that he wants to stay home

frumluv

Mon, May 18 2009, 4:28 pm

We went to a peds cardiologist (echocardiogram was done), B"H his heart is fine and he is healthy. He is on ADHD meds & I asked if that is the culprit, but they said no. My next guess may be heartburn. Often times we go to bed right after we eat, so that may affect him.

School wise, he is very bright (1st grade). He is the best reader in his class, so the teacher tends to go to the other kids who need more help. DS doesn't like this, he wants to be the center of attn. Luckily he has been behaving quite nicely. He is in a special ed class in public school. They want to send him to a regular class setting, but he doesn't want to go because the class is larger.

ClaRivka

Mon, May 18 2009, 4:33 pm

frumluv wrote:

How would you handle this??? I don't want him to be the boy who cried wolf, then you see me on the news being taken away by social services because I let something happen to my child???

When I was a child I lied numerous times to get out of going to school but to complain of chest pains never wouldve occured to me, and being upset by not getting an IV?? Id b upset if u took me to the dr!

TzenaRena

Mon, May 18 2009, 4:36 pm

My son had chest pains and they were real. B"H, it was not cardiac related, but the doctor told us there is something called osteo chondritis, it was a pain in his chest bones, which is not serious. Maybe it's something like growing pains. It came and went, over several weeks, finally subsided completely. he was older though, maybe 12.

gryp

Mon, May 18 2009, 5:34 pm

Just because the ER can't tell you what it was, doesn't mean it didn't exist.

A short while ago I spent the most ridiculous night at Maimonides ER. My infant was going through these stages where he was so congested to the point of wheezing, and one of these days he refused to eat or drink as well, plus he had 102 fever. My ped did the nebulizer on him unsuccessfully and then told me: go to the ER. By the time I got back home, the baby was breathing normally again (for the first time all day, and this was evening already) and even nursed a bit.. I didn't want to take the chance of having to go to the ER in an ambulance ch"v in the middle of the night, so we decided to just go and check him out, my ped said to get chest x-rays. To make a long story short, after a series of ridiculous blunders on the part of the hospital staff (I felt like I was watching a bunch of clowns at a circus), the chest x-rays came back completely clear. They couldn't tell us what was wrong with him and all other tests came back fine too. Oddly enough, he hasn't had another wheezing episode since, bli ayin hara.

pacifier

Mon, May 18 2009, 8:30 pm

You took him to the er, you did right. Now that you know he's fine, you still have to figure out if there's a link to your own chest pain. Did he get less attention when you weren't feeling well? Did you show and talked about your worries when you were not feeling well?

Mommy3.5

Tue, May 19 2009, 11:51 am

frumluv wrote:

How would you handle this??? I don't want him to be the boy who cried wolf, then you see me on the news being taken away by social services because I let something happen to my child???

mAYBE HE HAS REFLUX OR HEARTBURN, THAT WOULD GIVE HIM CHEST PAIN, . sorry about the caps.

If you though t he was sick enough to go to the ER, then I doubt he was faking it. Most kids don't fake that well.

frumluv

Tue, May 19 2009, 12:20 pm

I am starting to think that is heartburn as well.

Tzena Rena, I was actually diagnosed w/ chondritis (they called mine costochondritis). I find it a bit odd that we could have the same condition, but you never know. I will look into it some more with his pediatrician.

Pacifier, he was present a few times when I went by ambulance to the ER & he has heard my symptoms. That's why I thought that he was "taking on" my symptoms

ss321

Tue, May 19 2009, 12:25 pm

frumluv wrote:

Pacifier, he was present a few times when I went by ambulance to the ER & he has heard my symptoms. That's why I thought that he was "taking on" my symptoms

might very well be true, that he was exaggerating based on what he heard you said. but seriously. if he was faking the entire incident, do you really think every single nurse and doctor in the ER just overlooked it, he one-upped all of them? maybe you have a really bright and tricky little kid, but unless were dealing with a case of munchausens here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchausen_syndrome), I dont think that is what happened. if the doctor who saw him at the hospital thought that he was faking (to get out of school or something), guaranteed, he would have pulled you aside and said something, or asked you if he is having any difficulties with friends, family, etc, at home, because he suspects your son is exaggerating, could it be because of a fight with a sibling, a dare, fear of a teacher or test, etc.

e1234

Tue, May 19 2009, 1:22 pm

You never know - you have to always check it out.
A few weeks ago my son came home from school sick (he was perfectly healthy when he left that morning)
He had fever and I put him to sleep. He woke up 10 pm and was crying out in pain - this went on for a few hours.
by 2 I didn't know if it was exaggerated or not but he was definitely in pain so I sent him (and dh ) to the ER. (which is not close by)
He ended up having pneumonia and it's a good thing he went to the ER.