I think something is lacking

lamplighter

Wed, Jun 24 2009, 4:04 pm

Ive been teaching for more than a few years and I alwasy wondered why out of a class of 25 children I will get an end of year gift or card (I want the card not the gift actually, and even more if the card is written by the child) from maybe 6 students. This year I got 3 cards and 1 gift. I teach because I love it and I love my students. I'm not going into how much time energy and emotion is invested in teaching (for so little pay) bc thats not the issue. This is not about me wanting their presents or feeling that I deserve them, this is not about me at all. I think this is an issue of chinuch. We need to teach our children to be appreciative. We have to dispel this concept of entitlement amongst children and have them thank the people who go out of their way for an entire year, ensuring proper education and guidance. Everyone knows the impact of a bad teacher and a negative school experience, but are we encouraging and acknowledging when education is done right (any teacher regardless of personal opinion should be thanked)? I am not discussing finances (ironically the gift I received was from the one family that could not afford it), this has zero to do with the meager financial compensation teachers receive, its mentchlichkeit. Think about what a chinuch opportunity you have at the end of the year, when you have your child sit down to write a thank you note to their teacher. Its free, its treasured by the recipient, and it teaches the basic midda of appreciation.
I dont know if this is an issue across the board or if its just in my school, but I feel its definitely an issue. I knwo that talking about it here is not changing the reality but perhaps it opens our eyes to something. And if one teacher is thanked because of a mother who read this- its worth typing this out.

lamplighter

Wed, Jun 24 2009, 6:03 pm

Maybe its cultural or maybe its just not thought about. Every teacher takes their work home on a consistent basis. Maybe in the secular world its a job, in the frum world we always called it chinuch.
Of course people are busy. So am I. I think teaching a child to show appreciation for their teachers and the values/education they instilled is part of raising our kids to be mentchen. This does not mean the parent has to write or call or buy something for the teacher, this is not taking from their time, its something the kids should do. And for sure a parent that does take the time or money to thank the teacher is modeling how to show hakoras hatov to pp.
And no I have no idea if my parents ever called a teacher to thank them but I do remember writing notes some years.

Mirabelle

Wed, Jun 24 2009, 6:52 pm

My DD's preschool class did a group gift for all teachers, which we participated in.

I also made my DD walk around with me and verbally thank all of her teachers, I thought that was appropriate.

Additionally, I know that this isnt a gift, but I am thinking of calling the preschool director and telling her how impressed/happy I was with DD's teachers. Is this appropriate?

btMOMtoFFBs

Wed, Jun 24 2009, 7:28 pm

DiznyIma wrote:

Dizny, definitely call the director. Positive feedback will likely make her day.

Also, I think its very nice you verbally thanked each teacher in front of your daughter. I wish I had done that too. But I did send in my kids with handwritten notes of appreciation from me and gifts. Still, hearing a Mommy say it is powerful.

qeenB

Wed, Jun 24 2009, 7:42 pm

I try to always send something with a personalized card. I think that we need to teach our kids hakaros hatov and this is one way of doing it. when kids see that their parents show respect and appreciation to their teachers whenever it is, it reinforces in them this feeling of respect towards their teachers. maybe I am into doing it because I used to teach and I know how much time and energy I put into my students, so I know how important it is to make the teachers know that they are appreciated.

amother

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 12:11 am

What's interesting, I find, is that there has been a steady decline over the last three years. It's really not just a job. The amount of work I do at home and the amount of energy that I put into the girls really should count. Three years ago I got shaloch manos from 98% of the girls I taught and end of the year I needed an extra bag to bring gifts home (again, it's not about the actual gift, b/c I don't really need another "great teacher" mug -- it's about the "thank you" that it symbolizes). Last year, I got a bunch of shaloch manos even though purim was erev shabbos and the weather where I live was crummy.

This year I got shaloch manos from maybe 15% of the girls and at the end of the year I got 5 gifts (included in that number are two nice thank you notes). Also interesting that the ones who got actual gifts were ones that could least afford it. I was, I guess, a little sad. This class had its issues this year, but we made a go of it and the girls really matured a lot.

My boys made things for their Rebbe and Morah and then I wrote a card. The nicest things I've received have been the cards written either by the parent or the student. I still have a letter that two of my 12th graders wrote to me the first year I was teaching telling me how much they appreciated what I did for them and that I recognized who they were as individuals.

Those of you with high schoolers (I teach elementary and high school), I find it extremely nice when there's a note at the end of a final I'm grading saying "thank you." I got some nice notes this year on finals about how much they'd learned and how much fun I'd made a previously boring topic, but really, just writing "thank you" on the end of a test really shows that the student recognizes the effort the teacher is putting in.

ganizzy

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 12:53 am

well I never thought about writing thank you at the end of the final. my thoughts were more " Thank g-d its over"

in any case growing up I knew my mother wrote notes to ALL of our teachers. I laso found out she wrote one to the school secratary after she thanked me for it. in any case, a few teachers told me to thank my mother for the card, so I realized they didnt get it too often (and growing up it wasnt common to give chanukah gelt or shalach manos)

when I went to seminary, I wrote the cards on my own and based on the comments I got - I was prob the only one.

this year I wrote 10 notes for the teachers of my 2 kids (preschool with diff morning and afternoon teachers) after reading the comments here, next time imyh ill include my kids somehow.

I do think that good teachers go beyond "its just a job" and should be appreciated as such. maybe I feel that way bec many people in my family were/are teachers.

from all the chanukah gifts/shalach manos/end of year $, I know my dh appreciated when a parent wrote a PERSONAL note showing their appreciation for that teacher specifically and how they worked with/affected that child

Marion

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 1:27 am

I remember growing up we always gave our teachers gifts at Chanukah/x-mas (depended on the teacher!) and at the end of the year. We did NOT generally give mishloach manot. As we got older and had more teachers our parents asked us to choose ONE for a gift and the rest got cards.

I like how it's done at my sons' daycare. Chanukah/Purim you're on your own. End of year the classroom parents' committee arranges one large gift for each teacher (we pay into the fund a set amount at the beginning of the year). She gets something much nicer than I could ever afford to give her by myself, and of course I send in something small one day the last week.

One of the reasons I like it is because I watched my mom growing up (she's a teacher), and she accumulated so much useless "stuff" from her students. Yes, it was good "chinuch" (she teaches in a public school), nonetheless there's a limit to how many mugs she can use and how much treif candy she can give away.

mommalah

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 6:58 am

la456 wrote:

Thank you for this reminder. I was just about to send out the thank you card and gift card for my daughters' teachers. I will make sure that we include a note from my daughter as well.
Something definitely is lacking if you got that few thank you cards.

Imaonwheels

Thu, Jun 25 2009, 7:38 am

This is a cultural thing and if you look in other threads it causes anxiety among parents. When to give? How much is normal? Is it mandatory?

Here in Israel it is pretty standard. Once or twice a year the PTA collects an agreed upon sum from all of the parents in the class. This is done at the end of the year usually. That way the teacher gets a nicer gift than usual because 20-25 have chipped in. Then a talented parent usually makes a card or writes a poem or such. This is almost always at the end of year party.

I believe children have to be taught hakarat hatov in general and kibud morim in general. Then their gratitude will takes its own expression. This is especially true if parents voice their appreciation. You can say, "It really was nice that your teacher gave you a second chance/personal help/that nice compliment" or "You know the teacher worked so hard so that your class would enjoy that trip". Our criticisms should be between us, dh, the teacher and' if necessary, the hanhala.