Would you leave your young kids...?

BusyBeeMommy

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 7:54 pm

...with a close relative to go on vacation as a couple for a few days? I'm having really mixed feelings about this. I have a2 1/2 year old and a 10 month old. DH is urging me to do this, I have two loving bubbies that will be more than happy to take the kids. Not so worried about the 2 year old, she's been away before without any problems, she's more independent. My 10 month old DS is a lot more clingy, but he warms up to his bubbies pretty quickly, he just needs loads of attention and I'm scared to scar him for life. We've had a rough year, both DH and I and we both feel in desperate need of a getaway, just the two of us, to reconnect after our tough past year. I have one precious week off, DH will be starting rigorous work in about a month so I will have to say "goodbye" to having him around... opinions please!

pink car

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:02 pm

I personally went away with dh for a long weekend - 4 nights, when dcs were 15 months, 2 1/2.
left them with bubby, they were kept so busy, they were fine! came back and didn't notice any difference with them, and I'm a SAHM, so they were used to me always being home with them.
I once heard, its better not to leave kids under 1 year...don't know where that comes from, y not ask your Dr. if if there is any problem about leaving a 10 month old with a family member?

just remember a get-away is very beneficial for a marriage. your kids will be really spoiled by bubby, and will do a lot better than you think!
I would do it in your situation, good luck!

MommyLuv

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:03 pm

Everyone's different. I wouldn't leave a baby so young, and probably not a two year old either, but then again I've never felt desperate enough to consider it.

It really depends on how important this getaway would be to your sanity or marriage to warrant the separation from your kids, and only you can really answer that.

wtvr

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:13 pm

I don't know if I would do if for a full week, but I've done it for a couple(2-3) of days or a Shabbos. I've never left a 10 month old, though, because I've always been nursing at that age.

Another option, is maybe have someone move into your house, so that at least they're in their own space, etc, even though mommy and tatty are not there. Don't know how convenient that is for Bubby though.

gryp

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:18 pm

There have been many long threads on this topic. It seems to me that either you're the type to do it, or you're the type not to, and there's really no middle ground on this. You just have to see which type you fit into, and there's your answer.

BusyBeeMommy

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:22 pm

I guess I just need encouragement. I feel torn as I want to do this for my Shalom Bayis, DH strongly wants to go away, and I want to also, maybe not as much as him because of this situation. I'm still nursing 3 times a day, but I work full time and DS take a bottle beautifully. Will I scar him fro life though? He needs parents in a happy marriage too, doesn't he? Do DH's needs come before DS's or vice versa?

cookielady

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:26 pm

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

I am not telling you what to do, but this is something that made a very big impression on me many years ago. I had a teacher who was divorced. I remember him making a comment along the lines of the following :"My marriage suffered because we always put our kids needs first, never the needs of our marriage."

Simple enough statement, but it always stayed with me. When my kids were little, I would think of it every once and a while and redirect energy and emotions directly to my dh. Kids will benefit if they see their parents care about each other and make an effort in their marriage.

greenfire

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:30 pm

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

Sholom bayis and saving a marriage is a good reason ... ordinarily I would have never done such a thing ... only I don't think it should be the entire week ...

MommyLuv

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:31 pm

If your baby is nursing 3 times a day and you'll be gone for a week, do you expect him to continue nursing when you come back, or will that be an abrupt weaning? Something to think about...

Twizzlers

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:33 pm

I did it for an extended weekend. and although as a couple we really needed alone time, I spent most of the time missing and worrying about my kids (about the same age as yours), even though I knew they were having a blast at savta's house.
so, I dont think I would do it again. what I would do is, have dh take a day off of work, and send the kids out just for the day, but be back to pick them up in the evening.

smilingmom

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 8:55 pm

We are married 30 years and have gone away for one week almost every year. My parents or aunt have watched our kids every year. It is a vacation for us & a vacation for the kids too. They even did it when I had six kids under with the oldest age eight.
Now my youngest is 13. I know I should reciprocate and babysit for my grandchildren while my kids vacation. but I haven't yet.

gryp

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 9:23 pm

BusyBeeMommy wrote:

BusyBee, you really have to know your kids. What do you imagine your kids doing/thinking/feeling, at the times you'd usually be with them- bedtime, bathtime, mealtimes, etc.

I know mine would be devastated. What would yours be like?

PinkFridge

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 9:34 pm

Nursing is a big issue. Maybe you could go for a shorter trip, or a few overnights or short trips over a week or two.
This isn't a "baby or me" issue. Weaning the baby quickly for a trip may not be good for you. You'll be uncomfortable and going through hormonal flux that you won't if you wean gradually or because you're pregnant.

NativeMom

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 9:35 pm

With a close relative. My parents watched my son for a couple days when he was 10 months so DH and I could go to a really close friends wedding out of town. He also stayed with them for a night when we were moving. He's almost 3 now and he'll be staying with them again when we go to another close friends wedding in September. I feel very comfortable leaving him with them because they're family, they love him unconditionally...my father is also a pediatrician. I felt really guilty leaving him at first but I stayed in touch with my mother, who kept me updated and things were perfectly fine. He was his normal happy self a few minutes after we left.

Ronit

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 9:59 pm

yes if it's by grandparents who they are comfortable in their home & the gr andparents can handle it. It's great for you & your dh to get away, & the kids will spend quality time w/ your parents.

enjoy your trip if you go.

I actually voted undecided, but changed my mind when I read the circumstance.

BusyBeeMommy

Sun, Jul 26 2009, 10:03 pm

Thanks for your replies. The nursing should not be an issue, I will pump and keep up my milk supply, I've done it with DD, and I had no problem going back to nursing when I returned. I'm looking at 4 or 5 days away, not a week. You all gave me some food for thought. More comments are welcome!