5 Things I've learned in the 6 months of marriage

cbs880

Tue, Nov 17 2009, 8:21 am

Wanted to add this one:

Never forget the element of SURPRISE in a marriage. It's a wonderful thing. Try to do something for your husband that you know he would like, for no special reason..(Just as you would appreciate that bouquet of flowers out of the blue....)

canadamom

Tue, Nov 17 2009, 8:33 am

ive learnt:
*when dh comes home from work, feed him, and only after tell him about your day
*my mother in law is not always out to get me
*if I'm not on a diet e/o in the house gains weight
*cooking for shabbos takes less than an hour
*if you don't train kids how to aim in the toilet, your whole bathroom floor is the toilet
*toothpaste is the cure all (for bumps, bites, and e/th else)

Apple pie

Tue, Nov 17 2009, 8:59 am

superjew wrote:

GingerSpice wrote:

Even when angry at DH I tell him good night and I love you. If I didn't I wouldn't sleep well and would wake up feeling awful. Lets him know you still love him even though your upset at the moment.

Totally agree!! Thumbs Up

I agree not to make a long face etc. but my point was not to insist to discuss and solve all issues late at night when everyone is tired...

I do find that sometimes I go to sleep angry and wake up calm and cheerful, because I find out that what bothered me is not so important.... This does not mean to sweep issues under the rug, just a point for those who are fanatical of communication etc and sometimes choose the wrong moment.

I say communicate yes, but at the right time!

Imaonwheels

Tue, Nov 17 2009, 1:21 pm

17 years into marriage #2:

1. If its his mother's fault blame someone else or shut up.
2. If he says it ok that you've gained weight/dress slumpy/not cleaned/left the dishes/don't have dinner ready (or what's for dinner is lame) he is telling half a truth. If it happens too often his memory will retrieve every transgression.
3. When he quits arguing worry.
4. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he loves you and is not a self centered slob.
5. When it comes to presents the most beautiful is the one he picked for you.
6. Think 10 times before opening your mouth.
7. Words that come from the heart enter the heart.
8. Although they know they cannot read minds they think you can.
9. Every man wants to be the king in his home.
10. Let him know that the first look is free and then the meter is running.
11. Never make him look bad in front of the kids,

MaBelleVie

Tue, Nov 17 2009, 6:17 pm

- respect: especially in front of others. a man's kavod is not to be taken lightly.

- if you are emotional, he has a hard time taking you seriously. wait until you can speak calmly and rationally before bringing up an important issue.

- those things that he does that drive you crazy? they won't disappear overnight. if you think it's something he can work on, let him know- and then work on YOURSELF to accept it.

- they'll always be his family, and the smartest way to deal with that is to learn to love them too (or at least tolerate them Wink

)

-never expect, and you'll never be disappointed.

-every once in a while, the dishes CAN wait til tomorrow.

oh, and thanks OP- I learned a lot from this thread Smile

Plonis

Tue, Nov 17 2009, 7:20 pm

- When you are having a discussion, first say in your own words what you think he means. Many tiems it also helps him clarify whats bothering him so you can get somewhere in teh discussion! (OK argument)

- Keep a liist (mental or on pper) of all the things you love, admire or respect about your husband.

- When you're very angry with you husband, make him a fancy supper. It distracts you and helps you remmeber you still love him.

- Let your husband leave the house without making him feel guilty about it.

- "Nothing says I love you like a drawer full of clean underwear" (dont remember source of that quote)

gold21

Tue, Nov 17 2009, 7:53 pm

while I do think this is a great thread, and im sure many people have gained from it, I must say that imho many of the ideas posted cannot be generalized to all men. Take a random one: "when youre angry with DH, make a fancy supper". ok, but many guys would feel bad that youre upset with them and not discussing it, but instead making fancy food, which he doesnt care about so much anyhow. Just taking that example cuz it was just posted. But generally speaking, ya gotta see if these tips make sense for you before using them.

Imaonwheels

Tue, Nov 17 2009, 11:54 pm

Fragile wrote:

Imaonwheels wrote:

17 years into marriage #2:

11. Never make him look bad in front of the kids,

Never make him look bad in front of ANYBODY! And never argue in public.

While you are right, making him look bad in front of the kids is MUCH more damaging than stam people or even friends and relatives. Both father and kids suffer.

fmt4

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 4:59 pm

Married one year yesterday!
I feel like we've learned so much about each other during this year...Here are a few things:

1. Men ARE sensitive. Maybe not to everyone but to YOU they are. If you lash out at them, and say something hurtful, they'll remember it, and even if they don't talk about it, it will take them a while to get over it.
2. Men really appreciate you dressing up and looking good for them. This doesn't mean that they don't think you're beautiful in pj's with no makeup, it just means they appreciate the effort you make to please them.
3. Intimacy is a huuuuge part of marriage for men, try to make them feel like it's just as important to you, even if it isn't.
4. I know other people have said this but it's sooo important I'll reiterate: Men need space!!! After you have a fight and you feel bad and you want to cry and make up, you must remember men are different! They need timeee! And they don't always want to talk everything out! Leave them alone for a bit and they'll usually come to their senses, no matter the situation.
5. Men want to feel like they are the king of your lives, so tone down your praise of any other men, even your father or brothers.
and one more:
6. They DO care, even if they don't always show it.

bubby

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 5:08 pm

I don't know if it was said, but these are the most important things I learned:

1. Men are definitely from Mars.
2. They suffer from selective deafness & occasional memory loss.
3. If you value your china, do the dishes yourself.
4. Go through shopping lists with them so they have a 10% chance of buying the right things.
5. You are a better driver! Wink

MaBelleVie

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 7:05 pm

fmt4 wrote:

happy anniversary!
agree with all of the above, especially 1,2, and 4. . .

Imaonwheels

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 11:44 pm

Bleemee wrote:

Imaonwheels wrote:

10. Let him know that the first look is free and then the meter is running.

Some women don't get that the best man will look at a woman who is really good looking, dressed to catch the eye or showing her stuff. This was my joking way of telling dh that I know that and am only "counting" if he stares.

Health is a Virture

Mon, Nov 23 2009, 5:00 am

Plonis wrote:

- "Nothing says I love you like a drawer full of clean underwear" (dont remember source of that quote)

flylady, and I don't really know why this shows that to be quite honest, so you didn't have a chance to put the clean underwear away, that means you don't love him?

Health is a Virture

Mon, Nov 23 2009, 5:06 am

1. don't say anything bad about yourself to dh.
2. don't say anything bad about the house to dh. (if you dont mention it, maybe he won't realize it's a mess)
3. husbands don't really care about every aspect of your personal life, how nausueaus you feel when pregnant, what you threw up, etc
4. never talk about other women or husbands to your dh
5. there is no easy way---a lot of shalom bayis books say "put makeup on before dh comes home, get dressed up for him, make a nice dinner"--those are all easy things that may be right for some dhs but are not the perfect thing for all. You need to get to know your dh and learn what is right for him.