"need an invite" | Imamother

fiddle

Wed, Mar 25 2009, 10:51 am

what do you mean, to invite someone over? or to just ask if they need a place to go? why not just ask if they want to come for shabbos?

greenfire

Wed, Mar 25 2009, 11:04 am

do you only wish to have them over if they are in "need" ... what constitutes a "need" ...

I need food, I need a friend, I need shabbos,

do you want them over - do you wish to have their company ... people don't want to feel like they are in "need" but rather ordinary people socializing during a shabbos/yomtov meal ...

amother

Wed, Mar 25 2009, 11:11 am

A relative's wife is abroad and we invited him for shabbos. Then we were told that his wife was probably coming home before shabbos, so he wouldn't be coming.
Then he called to say that his wife in the end is remaining abroad for shabbos, so I said "So then you need a place for shabbos? Ok, cool!"

This person was a little miffed at my wording.
Was what I said rude? Or was it normal and this person just sensitive bec his wife was abroad?

Mimisinger

Wed, Mar 25 2009, 11:13 am

Maybe it's because you called his wife "a broad"! Smile

But seriously, I don't think your wording was rude at all...too senstitive.

louche

Wed, Mar 25 2009, 11:46 am

fiddle wrote:

what do you mean, to invite someone over? or to just ask if they need a place to go? why not just ask if they want to come for shabbos?

I agree. Asking if they "need an invite" makes you sound like you're playing Lady Bountiful and makes them sound like a nebach. Much nicer to simply ask "are you free to have lunch with us this Shabbos", which gives them the compliment of implying "I know you have a very full social life, but if by some chance you happen to have a slot in your calendar, we would be happy to see you."

amother

Wed, Mar 25 2009, 12:38 pm

louche wrote:

fiddle wrote:

what do you mean, to invite someone over? or to just ask if they need a place to go? why not just ask if they want to come for shabbos?

See what I wrote above. Do you still have the same answer?

levial

Wed, Mar 25 2009, 1:00 pm

People never react the way I want them to - not sure how he communicated being miffed, but he might have been uncomfortable finding out if the invite still "stood." Also he may have already been "miffed" at dw for not returning..or just missed her and was a cranky bear.

If he knows you well enough to call back and lay out the fact he *might* be in need of a renewed invite due to change of plan, he should be able to handle your wording, with which I found no fault. (only if he thought you meant "cool" that he was sans wife this shabbos...which you weren't saying. Kinda like me thinking my SIL saying "beseder" ("ok") was somehow showing displeasure in a way that we Americans say "whatever"..

Alternate wording could be "I'm sure you know this, but our invitation still stands if you'd like to come"

Mitzvahmom

Wed, Mar 25 2009, 1:40 pm

we love having guests for shabbos..

We are constantly inviting people, but it never works..

if your in LA your welcome Smile

pm me

middos

Mon, Mar 30 2009, 10:21 pm

personally I feel its better to invite than not to. dont assume the person has a place to go, it is better that you make the mistake of askijn than them not having a proper shabbos. it always feels good to know you ar ebeing thought of even if you dont end up needing the invite. tisku limitzvos!